I was facebook chatting with my Dad yesterday, and he made a comment: "Well the next time you visit, we'll go to [Holme's Hot Dogs]". And I thought to myself Man, it's been forever since I've gone to visit Dad. I really need to see about planning a visit.
So I get on Google and look up driving distance. A 7.5 fucking hour long drive! And I realized there's no way I'll be able to visit him anytime soon. It's just too far.
And that got me to thinking -- I am so far away from all of my family. I don't mind being on my own and doing my own thing, but at this point in my life, I'm feeling a very strong draw to be closer to my family. So I started googling driving distances...
Dad: 7.5 hour drive (he takes the cake)
Nanny and Papa: 4.5 hour drive
Aunt Genny: 6 hour drive
Mom: 6 hour drive
Meghan: 3.5 hour drive
Aunt Pam: 3 hour drive
Suja, Kelley: 3.5 hour drive
Stacey: 2.25 hour drive
I'm just too far away from everyone that I care about. And the only thing that has me here is a program that's having some delays getting started because of accredidation. I hate to be that girl, but if they can't get this program together in April like they promised, I'm out of here.
I'm going "home" to Greensboro and apply to attend the (already accredited) PTA program at Guilford Technical Community College and live in a 2 br (cheaper rent and utilities!) apartment with my sister, who also plans to attend GTCC in the fall.
This is my back up plan. And honestly, I kind of hope that the back up plan becomes the primary plan. I miss my family. I hate being so far away. Living with my sister will, of course, provide some challenges. But it will make it financially easier on my Dad, we'll be happier to have a roommate, and I'll be happier being closer to family (driving distances to everyone will be cut by at LEAST 1.5 hours!).
I don't want to bail on the PTA program at Craven CC, but they have honestly put me in a terrible position and I've lost a lot of respect and drive for participating in this program. I'm even considering dropping my spring audit courses to get a full refund (I honestly just can't afford pointless classes right now! And getting that $500 back to pay off on the credit card would sure be nice).
If I did the GTCC thing, I would have wasted a year. Another reason why I'm nervous to bail on CCC. Instead of being done 2012, It will be 2013. ::sigh:: That scares me. A lot.
But I just don't know if I'm happy here... And the thought of moving back to Greensboro, closer to everyone, living with Meghan, has me so pumped.
Time will tell. Maybe I can transfer from CCC to GTCC... Who knows. But it's amazing that such a little comment that Dad made has sparked all this.
Update
Well I shared my back up plan with Dad. He didn't seem to pleased to hear me say that Meghan and I were considering living together (more rent, more bills). He suggested that I also move to Seneca SC into his 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apt with him and Meghan and drive 1.5 hours into NC for school in Sylva or Cullowhee.
I understand why he would want me to move in with him. And normally, it would be a great idea to me as well. But I'm not okay with not having any personal space. And a 3 hour (round trip) commute each day for school??? That hardly seems economical.
So now I feel like he doesn't think my back up plan is a good one. Like he sees it as just another money sucker.
But WCU has a DPT program. Applications are due Feb 1. So I'm going to bust my butt and apply for the DPT program as well as the PTA programs in Sylva and Jamestown.
Oh; and I'm dropping my classes that I was going to audit. Going to go for the full refund. Pay some off the credit card.
So now I'm just really confused... ::sigh::
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Happy Pills
For those of you who don't know, depression runs in my family on my Dad's side. Almost all of my Dad's side has struggled with depression from time to time. And I used to thank my lucky stars that I didn't get that gene.
But lately, I've been noticing some depressive tendencies. And that scares the crap out of me. I don't want to be like my Dad-- depressed, laid off, and with no drive in his life. But I've noticed that I'm down a lot lately. I'm completely capable of smiling and laughing (and hiding it?). But my loneliness (lack of friends and a special someone) is hitting me. The school situation is hitting me. The fears of the future is hitting me.
And all these fears are shutting me down. I can feel depressive tendencies sneaking in.
And I realize that I will have to have a therapist and possibly medication later in my life. This is something that I accept and that I won't run from (which Dad did -- he stuck his head in the sand and did nothing).
But lately, I've been noticing some depressive tendencies. And that scares the crap out of me. I don't want to be like my Dad-- depressed, laid off, and with no drive in his life. But I've noticed that I'm down a lot lately. I'm completely capable of smiling and laughing (and hiding it?). But my loneliness (lack of friends and a special someone) is hitting me. The school situation is hitting me. The fears of the future is hitting me.
And all these fears are shutting me down. I can feel depressive tendencies sneaking in.
And I realize that I will have to have a therapist and possibly medication later in my life. This is something that I accept and that I won't run from (which Dad did -- he stuck his head in the sand and did nothing).
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Gift of Giving
You know, sometimes guys really miss things. Like, really miss things.
I love to give gifts to people I care about. I love to spoil them, to let them know that I love them, to do nice things for them. I love the reaction when they get the gift. I thrive on the reaction. Which is probably why I love Christmas so much.
I purchased Boy B a new hat that he's been wanting since we met and had it sent to his apartment. I knew it would arrive today, and watched the package tracking closely to know if/when it was delivered. Before I went to work, I knew it had been delivered and that Boy B's roommate had signed for it. I was so excited to get home from work and skype with him to see his excitement when he opened it.
1. We didn't video chat at all -- so I didn't even see the hat
2. He opened it this afternoon on his break and didn't even send me an excited text message
3. When we did skype, he said he was heading out to the bar and I told him to check the mail that a package was delivered and his response was "Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that! Thank you sooo much"
4. 5 minutes later he left for the bar
Like what the fuck people??? REALLY?????????????????
It totally put a rain cloud over my whole day. Such a damper. I thought I was doing something so sweet and nice and surprising and I just felt like it was an unimportant detail in his day.
Not to mention I had so much that I wanted to talk to him about and tell him about and I didnt even get the opportunity.
::sigh::
I love to give gifts to people I care about. I love to spoil them, to let them know that I love them, to do nice things for them. I love the reaction when they get the gift. I thrive on the reaction. Which is probably why I love Christmas so much.
I purchased Boy B a new hat that he's been wanting since we met and had it sent to his apartment. I knew it would arrive today, and watched the package tracking closely to know if/when it was delivered. Before I went to work, I knew it had been delivered and that Boy B's roommate had signed for it. I was so excited to get home from work and skype with him to see his excitement when he opened it.
1. We didn't video chat at all -- so I didn't even see the hat
2. He opened it this afternoon on his break and didn't even send me an excited text message
3. When we did skype, he said he was heading out to the bar and I told him to check the mail that a package was delivered and his response was "Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that! Thank you sooo much"
4. 5 minutes later he left for the bar
Like what the fuck people??? REALLY?????????????????
It totally put a rain cloud over my whole day. Such a damper. I thought I was doing something so sweet and nice and surprising and I just felt like it was an unimportant detail in his day.
Not to mention I had so much that I wanted to talk to him about and tell him about and I didnt even get the opportunity.
::sigh::
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
A New Approach to New Years Resolutions
So I was talking on facebook to one of my best friends (my "life coach" if you will), Kelley. And she asked me if I had made any New Years Resolutions. I told her that I hadn't because I never keep them. And here's what she said about her approach to resolutions:
I make like 25 of them
and I set a reasonable standard where I say that I will measure success by the completion of at least 5 goals in 365 days
I vary the intensity and commitment of the goals. For instance, one goal could be a simple as cleaning my car out....where as another goal may be as complex as losing weight
I make life as easy on myself as possible. I feel that you should make goals at the beginning of the year, write them down (either on paper, in a journal, or in a blog), and review them occasionally. Then, in Dec of the following year, review to see how you did and where you want to go in the next year.
Goals are important to keep life from becoming monotonous and unmemorable
I thought this was an excellent, fresh approach to New Years Resolutions. And I'm going to try it. So here is my list of goals from which I can pick from throughout the year to choose to work on:
- Save 10% of every pay check
- Give 10% of every pay check to the church
- Find ways to become more involved and plugged into church
- Read 5 good books
- Take the GRE
- Clean the apartment with more regularity (once a week is the goal!)
- Go through and purge un used/un wanted clothing every season
- Make the majority of Christmas gifts for 2011
- Find a way to volunteer in the community -- pound, soup kitchen, tutoring, etc and volunteer at least twice a month
- Clean car once a month
- Feel confident in a bathing suit on the beach (aka Lose the 10 lbs I've gained)
- Stop treating my body like a trash can
- Work on (and finish?) a quilt
- Find a way to send love to my family once a season
- Send a couple care packages to Mom through out the year
- Find a way to send needed items to armed forces overseas once a season
- Take more time with my appearance with more regularity (never know when you'll meet fate!)
- Eat out no more than once a week to conserve money, increase my cooking skills, and have more control over my diet/caloric intake
- Apply to GTCC for PTA and WCU for DPT
- Eat out no more than once a week to conserve money, increase my cooking skills, and have more control over my diet/caloric intake
- Apply to GTCC for PTA and WCU for DPT
Monday, December 27, 2010
Loneliness
Well the family has gone, and life moves on. I'm in Havelock dog sitting Gambit and Jasper, Chris & Jeanine's awesome pups. New Bern got about four inches of snow on the 26th, so things here have been slower and quieter than it would normally be for the After Christmas shopping rush.
And with all the snow and all the cold, there has been a lot of down time. Lots of movie time. And as I'm curled up on the love seat in Chris and Jeanine's house (their lovely huge house -- they live in on base housing and this is seriously nice. It makes me wish I were married and well established), the pangs of loneliness are quite strong. I wish there was a man on the couch with me, that I was curled up with, keeipng warm, snuggling, kissing, rubbing my back. The quiet, innocent intimacy is what I miss most. Just having someone with me, next to me. Touching me.
Emily is on the couch next to me. Her husband is a Marine and is deployed. They are half way through the deployment. I can't imagine the difficulty of a relationship across oceans. Of having a mate, but that mate being no where near for months. And these pangs of loneliness that I feel right now -- I imagine that they are a little taste of what she and other deployment wives/husbands might feel.
Except my loneliness is a faceless one. There is not one particular person who I'm longing for right now -- I'm just longing for a mate. I'm longing to have the finish line in sight. Where as the military mates long for one particular person who can't be there physically with them. Who can't keep in constant contact all the time. Where there is a constant question mark above their heads as to whether they are safe or will survive their assignments. Living in a military area like I do, and having met so many military couples, I've gained so much more respect for the military and their families and loved ones.
This loneliness that I feel... If Boy B and I continue, this is what I will feel often. The separation will be constant. He is who I want to pursue. I've done long distance. I know the struggles. I know how to overcome them. But I want a close distance relationship. Not necessarily right away; but eventually.
Am I crazy to have already considered moving to or closer to the mountains for him? That I feel that solid of a connection with him that the phrase "move for love" could very well be applied to me? I want a mate. I want someone to cuddle with. I want him.
And with all the snow and all the cold, there has been a lot of down time. Lots of movie time. And as I'm curled up on the love seat in Chris and Jeanine's house (their lovely huge house -- they live in on base housing and this is seriously nice. It makes me wish I were married and well established), the pangs of loneliness are quite strong. I wish there was a man on the couch with me, that I was curled up with, keeipng warm, snuggling, kissing, rubbing my back. The quiet, innocent intimacy is what I miss most. Just having someone with me, next to me. Touching me.
Emily is on the couch next to me. Her husband is a Marine and is deployed. They are half way through the deployment. I can't imagine the difficulty of a relationship across oceans. Of having a mate, but that mate being no where near for months. And these pangs of loneliness that I feel right now -- I imagine that they are a little taste of what she and other deployment wives/husbands might feel.
Except my loneliness is a faceless one. There is not one particular person who I'm longing for right now -- I'm just longing for a mate. I'm longing to have the finish line in sight. Where as the military mates long for one particular person who can't be there physically with them. Who can't keep in constant contact all the time. Where there is a constant question mark above their heads as to whether they are safe or will survive their assignments. Living in a military area like I do, and having met so many military couples, I've gained so much more respect for the military and their families and loved ones.
This loneliness that I feel... If Boy B and I continue, this is what I will feel often. The separation will be constant. He is who I want to pursue. I've done long distance. I know the struggles. I know how to overcome them. But I want a close distance relationship. Not necessarily right away; but eventually.
Am I crazy to have already considered moving to or closer to the mountains for him? That I feel that solid of a connection with him that the phrase "move for love" could very well be applied to me? I want a mate. I want someone to cuddle with. I want him.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve 2010 and I find myself surrounded by some of my most loved people -- some of my family. And I realize just how incredibly blessed I am. To have family who drives so far to come visit me (Dad all the way from the mountains of SC!). To have co-workers who are so genuine, honest, enjoyable, and sweet (we all exchanged Christmas gifts today and everything was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful!!). To have met and made friends here in New Bern who have helped to get and keep me plugged into Two Rivers Church; where Dad, Meghan, and myself just came from for the Christmas Eve service. To have dreams that have brought me to such a quaint little town, where I hope I am able to continue working toward those dreams.
I have so much that it's ridiculous. I am so lucky. So spoiled. In the material things, in the immaterial things. I want to find a way for me to give back more to the community... I want to continue living a simple life, and to make it even simpler all the time if I can.
There are many things I'm worried about right now... Job (to apply to become a Hooters girl? Will Cato cut my hours since we've just hired another associate?). Money (credit card bills, bills, bills, bills). Future (is PTA where I want to go?).
But I'm setting all those things aside and focusing on how lucky I am to have my family here. That on this symbolic night, Mary made her way into Bethlehem to give birth to Jesus, Son of God. That on this holiday, God sent his Son to live, teach, and to die. That Jesus' death was ordained before he was born, to absolve us of our sins and to offer us eternal life. To teach us of love, patience, and forgiveness. That these gifts were given to me (and to you!) on this day is what we need to remember. These gifts are the most important gifts of all. More important and more exciting than any gift under your tree.
"In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." " Luke 2:1-14
I have so much that it's ridiculous. I am so lucky. So spoiled. In the material things, in the immaterial things. I want to find a way for me to give back more to the community... I want to continue living a simple life, and to make it even simpler all the time if I can.
There are many things I'm worried about right now... Job (to apply to become a Hooters girl? Will Cato cut my hours since we've just hired another associate?). Money (credit card bills, bills, bills, bills). Future (is PTA where I want to go?).
But I'm setting all those things aside and focusing on how lucky I am to have my family here. That on this symbolic night, Mary made her way into Bethlehem to give birth to Jesus, Son of God. That on this holiday, God sent his Son to live, teach, and to die. That Jesus' death was ordained before he was born, to absolve us of our sins and to offer us eternal life. To teach us of love, patience, and forgiveness. That these gifts were given to me (and to you!) on this day is what we need to remember. These gifts are the most important gifts of all. More important and more exciting than any gift under your tree.
"In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." " Luke 2:1-14
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Well my Dad and Sister are in town. It's kind of awkward having them here, but I'm glad they're here. Except it's kind of awkward. I don't know why it is. It just is.
But it's more nice to have them in town during the holidays. Except I'm not a very good host. :( I never know what to do for entertainment. LoL.
But it's more nice to have them in town during the holidays. Except I'm not a very good host. :( I never know what to do for entertainment. LoL.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Feeling Inspired
Today I hung out with Emily, this super amazing, enthusiastic, loving, kind, open minded girl who's in my Sunday School class. She is pretty amazing. She is a photographer, something I'd love to be. And hanging out with her today -- it really inspired me. To do what I want to do. To not abide by society's rules but rules of what is real, what is appropriate, what is right.
I am bursting with inspiration. I want to do something. I feel like right now, I could do anything. I want so badly to burst into this photography bubble... To step outside of my amateur ways and to take it a step up. To be better. Art, crafts -- that is where my soul and passion lies. But how do I make that into something that is enjoyable and profitable for me? If I could make a career out of it, I would love to. But how... ?
For some great reading on what to do with inspiration:
http://ordinarytooutstanding.org/2010/01/28/words-of-inspiration-take-advantage-when-inspiration-hits/
I am bursting with inspiration. I want to do something. I feel like right now, I could do anything. I want so badly to burst into this photography bubble... To step outside of my amateur ways and to take it a step up. To be better. Art, crafts -- that is where my soul and passion lies. But how do I make that into something that is enjoyable and profitable for me? If I could make a career out of it, I would love to. But how... ?
For some great reading on what to do with inspiration:
http://ordinarytooutstanding.org/2010/01/28/words-of-inspiration-take-advantage-when-inspiration-hits/
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Worried Sick
I'm so worried right now...
As I was closing at Cato last night, I received a text from Boy B. All it said was "Hospital..." I didn't hear from him again for about two hours. I still don't know what happened (besides a car wreck). I still don't know what was wrong with him. I still don't know know anything. I haven't heard from him since about 12am.
I don't know if he broke a bone. I don't know if he needed surgery. I don't know if he's under anesthesia. Nothing.
My brain thinks it's pretty bad because in one of the four texts, he said "I'll be ok". Which to me sounds like the macho way of saying 'I'm really fucked up right now, but I'm at the hospital so they'll fix me.'
I was up until after 4am last night because I wasn't tired because I was worried.
I still haven't heard from him... It's getting close to being 12 hours since I heard from him. I don't want to blow his phone up... If I were in the hospital and I were really fucked up, I would probably want some rest and some peace and quiet. But damn I wish I knew what was going on. Because I'm really worried about him.
As I was closing at Cato last night, I received a text from Boy B. All it said was "Hospital..." I didn't hear from him again for about two hours. I still don't know what happened (besides a car wreck). I still don't know what was wrong with him. I still don't know know anything. I haven't heard from him since about 12am.
I don't know if he broke a bone. I don't know if he needed surgery. I don't know if he's under anesthesia. Nothing.
My brain thinks it's pretty bad because in one of the four texts, he said "I'll be ok". Which to me sounds like the macho way of saying 'I'm really fucked up right now, but I'm at the hospital so they'll fix me.'
I was up until after 4am last night because I wasn't tired because I was worried.
I still haven't heard from him... It's getting close to being 12 hours since I heard from him. I don't want to blow his phone up... If I were in the hospital and I were really fucked up, I would probably want some rest and some peace and quiet. But damn I wish I knew what was going on. Because I'm really worried about him.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Joyce Meyer's Words of Wisdom
This morning after work, I came home with my Dunkin Donuts coffee and had a seat on my couch to watch Joyce Meyer's message. This morning, she spoke about faithfulness. About how God changes you and things in your life little by little. God is not a fast food resturant. He takes his time with each one of us. She made excellent points -- we hear about Jesus when he's born, but not again until he's 12. And what does the Bible say he did? He grew. Then after the one story when he was 12? Not again until 30. We hear about John the Baptist, who spent 25 years in the desert. And what happened in that 25 years? We have no idea. But after 25 years, John the Baptist came out a changed man. It took God 25 years to make the change needed. And the lesson that dove-tailed in with this is the fact that you have to be faithful over the time in order for the change to occur. You have to do the right things over and over and over and over again. You can't just do them once and expect the change to be lasting or fulfilling or substantial.
Joyce's message was good for me to hear. There are many things that I started but have not been faithful with.
I have not been faithful to God. I started going to church, but have not been faithful in my Jesus Freak love. I have waivered. I keep coming back, and it keeps shining through. But I have not been as dedicated to God as I should have been.
I have not been faithful with my money. I have waivered from reducing my spending to make more payments on my credit card. I have not made regular deposits to my savings account as I said I would.
I have not been faithful with my cute apartment or amazing car. I have not kept them clean like I should have. I have become lazy.
I have not been faithful with my health. I have lapsed from eating healthy and exercising regularly. I have given way to slothful and gluttony ways. I have become lazy.
Joyce's message was what I needed to hear. I have, of late, become unhappy with all of the things I listed above. I didn't like the habits that I had slipped into, and have been wanting to change. But now I need to. I can't be unfaithful in any of these things. My physical and metaphysical self depend on it. On being faithful.
Here are some quotes/wisdoms from Joyce's message this morning:
"Give some, Save some"
"you keep your word and if for some reason you can't, you go and explain yourself."
"be committed to a standard of values; between your own heart and God"
"dont think your standards won't be tested, because they will be"
"to gain something you have to lose something. you know; like lose the attitude"
"everyones got a case of the "gimmes" - give me give me give me"
"even those in troubled relationships -- you want that other person to change. 'God, please change them,' you say. dont even worry about the other person. you need to ask God what you need to change."
"stop worrying about what God is doing with everybody else."
If you have not been exposed to Joyce Meyer, I highly recommend her. She's not your normal preacher. Her messages are relevant, easy to follow, and she has a great sense of humor. You will not be bored.
Joyce's message was good for me to hear. There are many things that I started but have not been faithful with.
I have not been faithful to God. I started going to church, but have not been faithful in my Jesus Freak love. I have waivered. I keep coming back, and it keeps shining through. But I have not been as dedicated to God as I should have been.
I have not been faithful with my money. I have waivered from reducing my spending to make more payments on my credit card. I have not made regular deposits to my savings account as I said I would.
I have not been faithful with my cute apartment or amazing car. I have not kept them clean like I should have. I have become lazy.
I have not been faithful with my health. I have lapsed from eating healthy and exercising regularly. I have given way to slothful and gluttony ways. I have become lazy.
Joyce's message was what I needed to hear. I have, of late, become unhappy with all of the things I listed above. I didn't like the habits that I had slipped into, and have been wanting to change. But now I need to. I can't be unfaithful in any of these things. My physical and metaphysical self depend on it. On being faithful.
Here are some quotes/wisdoms from Joyce's message this morning:
"Give some, Save some"
"you keep your word and if for some reason you can't, you go and explain yourself."
"be committed to a standard of values; between your own heart and God"
"dont think your standards won't be tested, because they will be"
"to gain something you have to lose something. you know; like lose the attitude"
"everyones got a case of the "gimmes" - give me give me give me"
"even those in troubled relationships -- you want that other person to change. 'God, please change them,' you say. dont even worry about the other person. you need to ask God what you need to change."
"stop worrying about what God is doing with everybody else."
If you have not been exposed to Joyce Meyer, I highly recommend her. She's not your normal preacher. Her messages are relevant, easy to follow, and she has a great sense of humor. You will not be bored.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Excellent Article
Here's an excelent article that stumbleupon.com sent me to! :) There is so much truth in this article that it's crazy. It explains everything so much better than I ever could....
http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2009/09/02/12-qualities-women-want-in-their-men/
http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2009/09/02/12-qualities-women-want-in-their-men/
Monday, December 13, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 30 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 30 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you...
1. I want a dog so badly, but I am afraid that I can't handle the financial responsibilities so I haven't gotten one yet.
2. I am one of those people who have to talk things out to make a decision
3. I love to crochet!
4. My favorite color (right now) is green -- because it's such a happy color!
5. I think that the Frank Sinatra era was so romantic... (Written as "The Man I Love" by Billie Holliday is playing on the iTunes! haha)
6. I wish I knew how to hunt
7. I shop for Christmas presents all year. It's kind of my favorite holiday ever.
8. I love candlelight
9. I love sunsets (sunrises are nice too; but I hate being up so early!)
10. I am developing wino tendencies
11. I dislike cleaning, but hate messiness/clutter/dirtiness
12. If I had to pick a favorite genre of music, it'd be country. Particularly: Josh Turner, Jason Aldean, Billy Currington, Garth Brooks, Darius Rucker, and Zac Brown Band.
13. I miss reading substantial books.
14. I miss having culture in the city I live in.
15. I love the way a man smells -- his cologne, deoderant, a little musky sweat, his soap... Rawr!
16. I have made so many mistakes in the past year and a half, but I don't regret any of them -- I've learned so much and know that I'll be a better girl friend, wife, friend, and mother because of it.
17. I hate being so far away from my family.
18. My boobs are no longer my best asset-- my ass is! haha
19. I stay up too late too often for my own good
20. I haven't had good sex since November of last year. I've had sex since then, but not good sex.
21.
1. I want a dog so badly, but I am afraid that I can't handle the financial responsibilities so I haven't gotten one yet.
2. I am one of those people who have to talk things out to make a decision
3. I love to crochet!
4. My favorite color (right now) is green -- because it's such a happy color!
5. I think that the Frank Sinatra era was so romantic... (Written as "The Man I Love" by Billie Holliday is playing on the iTunes! haha)
6. I wish I knew how to hunt
7. I shop for Christmas presents all year. It's kind of my favorite holiday ever.
8. I love candlelight
9. I love sunsets (sunrises are nice too; but I hate being up so early!)
10. I am developing wino tendencies
11. I dislike cleaning, but hate messiness/clutter/dirtiness
12. If I had to pick a favorite genre of music, it'd be country. Particularly: Josh Turner, Jason Aldean, Billy Currington, Garth Brooks, Darius Rucker, and Zac Brown Band.
13. I miss reading substantial books.
14. I miss having culture in the city I live in.
15. I love the way a man smells -- his cologne, deoderant, a little musky sweat, his soap... Rawr!
16. I have made so many mistakes in the past year and a half, but I don't regret any of them -- I've learned so much and know that I'll be a better girl friend, wife, friend, and mother because of it.
17. I hate being so far away from my family.
18. My boobs are no longer my best asset-- my ass is! haha
19. I stay up too late too often for my own good
20. I haven't had good sex since November of last year. I've had sex since then, but not good sex.
21.
I Am So Impressed
Today I have been seriously impressed by Boy B.
I woke up a little peeved at him for not texting me last night (petty, I know). And didn't hear from him until about 730pm. I had gone to Jacksonville with Kat for a movie and some shopping (and I totally found two pair of super hot black boots that I bought!! Woot!), so was heading home when he texted me.
So I get home and we start skyping. And I mention that I don't have to work until Monday night, and that I didn't know what I was going to do with myself with so much free time! And he made the joke about coming to see him. Which had actually crossed my mind pretty seriously on the ride home from Jacksonville. And I told him that.
He, of course, got really excited about the possibility. But I was doubtful about whether or not I should go... I mean, I want to, but I was worried that it might be moving a little too fast. He played the "If you want to come, come on. But it's okay if you don't want to" card. Which didn't help at all.
So I was debating this for about two hours. At 11pm, I was like screw it. I'm going to go. So I'm in my room skyping and packing. I paused to think for a moment and Boy B said something that seriously impressed me: "Maybe you shouldn't come. Ugh! That's only 1/4 of me." I said "What do you mean?"
Bryan: "I mean that 3/4 of me is screaming for you to come, but that 1/4 of me is scared that if you come it'd be moving to fast for you and I really don't want to mess this up with you."
I was so surprised. Impressed. Touched. This guy really seems to care.
Haha. He was so cute. After he said this, his face got all sad. And he kept hitting himself in the head jokingly saying "Why didn't I just shut up?" And he made the comment before we hung up (his neighbor was heading over) "You should be in a car right now..." And I said: "We want me to be in a car right now, but that doesn't mean I should be in a car right now..." And he said "Yeah, you're right."
I just couldn't believe that he did the right thing. I've never had a guy do that before.
I really think this one's going to be different... I hope this one's different...
And I'll close this post with a couple songs. Brad's song is a classic that just kind of on my mind (I want a guy who feels like that about me)
And this is Billy Currington's new song that I am so in love with right now (and might apply to Boy B???):
I woke up a little peeved at him for not texting me last night (petty, I know). And didn't hear from him until about 730pm. I had gone to Jacksonville with Kat for a movie and some shopping (and I totally found two pair of super hot black boots that I bought!! Woot!), so was heading home when he texted me.
So I get home and we start skyping. And I mention that I don't have to work until Monday night, and that I didn't know what I was going to do with myself with so much free time! And he made the joke about coming to see him. Which had actually crossed my mind pretty seriously on the ride home from Jacksonville. And I told him that.
He, of course, got really excited about the possibility. But I was doubtful about whether or not I should go... I mean, I want to, but I was worried that it might be moving a little too fast. He played the "If you want to come, come on. But it's okay if you don't want to" card. Which didn't help at all.
So I was debating this for about two hours. At 11pm, I was like screw it. I'm going to go. So I'm in my room skyping and packing. I paused to think for a moment and Boy B said something that seriously impressed me: "Maybe you shouldn't come. Ugh! That's only 1/4 of me." I said "What do you mean?"
Bryan: "I mean that 3/4 of me is screaming for you to come, but that 1/4 of me is scared that if you come it'd be moving to fast for you and I really don't want to mess this up with you."
I was so surprised. Impressed. Touched. This guy really seems to care.
Haha. He was so cute. After he said this, his face got all sad. And he kept hitting himself in the head jokingly saying "Why didn't I just shut up?" And he made the comment before we hung up (his neighbor was heading over) "You should be in a car right now..." And I said: "We want me to be in a car right now, but that doesn't mean I should be in a car right now..." And he said "Yeah, you're right."
I just couldn't believe that he did the right thing. I've never had a guy do that before.
I really think this one's going to be different... I hope this one's different...
And I'll close this post with a couple songs. Brad's song is a classic that just kind of on my mind (I want a guy who feels like that about me)
And this is Billy Currington's new song that I am so in love with right now (and might apply to Boy B???):
Long Distance
Can Long Distance work? Do I want to get into a Long Distance relationship?
Last night I had a little reminder of what LDR's are like. I might have even gotten a taste of how Joey felt when I went to ECU and went out and partied. It's not so much that I'm mad or that my feelings were incredibly hurt by last night (only slightly maimed), but I was so lonely without him there to talk to.
I didn't have a problem with him going out. I was actually pretty jealous. But there was a little voice in the back of my head: "Blair, when you met him, he didn't act like he was in a relationship and he was. He flirted shamelessly with you and pursued you. Would he do the same to me? Be in a relationship with me but flirting shamelessly with other girls? Pursuing them?" For some reason, I really trust this guy. And I know he wouldn't cheat. But if he has a pattern of behavior like that... I just don't know if I'm okay with this developing.
He did have the manners to text me and let me know he was going out, and asked if we could text. I said sure. Well, I believe he got caught up in the party because I didn't get a text back from him until 2:35am "I'm sorry... I kinda fucked that up." Like what am I suppossed to say to that?
I had an absolutely awful day at work yesterday. And I wanted to tell him about it. But he went out. So I was left with Mom to call. It made me sad that he wasn't there to talk to about my day.
Yes, I'm kinda mad that I had an awful day and he wasn't there to talk to about it. Yes, I'm kinda mad that he didn't even drunk text me. Yes, I'm kinda worried that he did what I'm scared he'd do: flirt shamelessly with other girls. Yes, I've kind of pulled away from him in a natural defensive reaction to these fears.
One of the things I listed as a desire for the next boyfriend was that he was close distance. So that I could see him regularly. Be with him regularly. And here I am getting involved with someone who is no less than 5.5 hours away from me.
Can this LDR work? Do I want a LDR?
Last night I had a little reminder of what LDR's are like. I might have even gotten a taste of how Joey felt when I went to ECU and went out and partied. It's not so much that I'm mad or that my feelings were incredibly hurt by last night (only slightly maimed), but I was so lonely without him there to talk to.
I didn't have a problem with him going out. I was actually pretty jealous. But there was a little voice in the back of my head: "Blair, when you met him, he didn't act like he was in a relationship and he was. He flirted shamelessly with you and pursued you. Would he do the same to me? Be in a relationship with me but flirting shamelessly with other girls? Pursuing them?" For some reason, I really trust this guy. And I know he wouldn't cheat. But if he has a pattern of behavior like that... I just don't know if I'm okay with this developing.
He did have the manners to text me and let me know he was going out, and asked if we could text. I said sure. Well, I believe he got caught up in the party because I didn't get a text back from him until 2:35am "I'm sorry... I kinda fucked that up." Like what am I suppossed to say to that?
I had an absolutely awful day at work yesterday. And I wanted to tell him about it. But he went out. So I was left with Mom to call. It made me sad that he wasn't there to talk to about my day.
Yes, I'm kinda mad that I had an awful day and he wasn't there to talk to about it. Yes, I'm kinda mad that he didn't even drunk text me. Yes, I'm kinda worried that he did what I'm scared he'd do: flirt shamelessly with other girls. Yes, I've kind of pulled away from him in a natural defensive reaction to these fears.
One of the things I listed as a desire for the next boyfriend was that he was close distance. So that I could see him regularly. Be with him regularly. And here I am getting involved with someone who is no less than 5.5 hours away from me.
Can this LDR work? Do I want a LDR?
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Why Do I Have to Ask Permission to Date?
Well, things have once again taken a turn. Sheryl Crow's song "Everyday Is a Winding Road" is so true...
The past twenty four hours have been wraught with drama.
Last night Boy B and I were skyping and it just kind of hit me -- this guy is going to be something special in my life. Whether that's as an incredible friend and influence or as a boyfriend. In some way, this guy is going to have a pretty big impact on my life. And I knew that I needed to be honest with K about what was going on. So I texted her to let her know that Boy B had asked me out (they went to high school together and is how we met). Well, K went crazy.
She called me and went on for 30 minutes hysterically about how I was a crazy fool to be interested in him and that he would ruin my life. Well, the concerned friend part only lasted about 10 minutes. The rest was about how this would ruin her life.
When two of your friends decide to pursue each other, there's that natural anxiety that at some point they will break up and you would be caught in the middle of the pain, the drama, etc.
But K took it to a whole 'nother level. Talking about how if we dated and broke up she would have to deal with the mess from both of us, which would distract her from her internship and would put her future in jeopardy.
I just couldn't believe how selfish it all became. That she made it about her when it really had nothing to do with her. And that the only reason I was involving her to let her know what was going on was out of respect for her, because I didn't want her to hear it from him instead of me, and I didn't want it to come out at her Christmas party as he'd planned.
Once I passed out, she apparently called Boy B and they had it out. And I woke up to five messages in my facebook inbox from her -- starting hysterically and ending meekly.
It was just overwhelming all of the drama. It hurt my feelings that she was so selfish about it. I understand her fear, but it's my life. I'm an adult and break ups aren't super traumatic anymore -- it's honest, compassionate, and proper. I was just so surprised that she was doing the exact same thing to me that her friends do to her (which leaves her pinned in and miserable): micromanaging my life.
::sigh::
We talked on facebook chat today and she seemed much calmer about it, and we seemed good. I don't think she supports the idea of Boy B and I dating, but I think she realizes that it's our lives and that all she can do is hope it goes well (which is still pessimistic). All three of us understand where the other two stand, but we're caught on this tightrope of figuring it all out right now.
But yes... Boy B and I are just friends right now. Building the foundation of friendship and seeing where it goes from there. No plans. No plots. Just chill conversation.
I will say, however, that right now, things with him are looking very promising!!
If I can talk to a guy for 6 hours at a time without getting bored... I think that says a lot. Not to mention how respectful he's been of me and my requests so far.
So that was one part of the drama.
Then today, Mom hit me with more drama. Long story short, she called me and asked for Nanny and Papa's phone number. I told her I didn't feel comfortable getting into the middle of that and that I'd given her their number three times before. So she said she'd call information and hung up on me.
About ten minutes later she calls me back and is hysterical. She asks me about a situation that happened 2 years ago. She asks if I remember who called who. Which I didn't. She asks if I remember what she said, which I didn't. At which she lost it -- saying "You have to remember this! So that if a [ ] asks or if the [ ] ask, you have an answer" and proceeded to try and tell me what happened. I stopped her. "Mom, I love you, but I can't lie and say I remember something that I don't. It's not ethical for you to try and convince me that I remember something that I don't." To which she hung up on me.
I feel terrible that I can't remember. But I can't lie for her to villianize my father. I don't like being put in the middle. She claims over and over that she doesn't want to put me in the middle but when I point out that she's crossing the line she blows up. I am so conflicted on what to do. I don't want my mother to be in trouble. But at the same time, she knew she had this bill to deal with and has been running from it instead of working to deal with it. I love her, I want to help her, but to lie?? I just don't think I can do this... ::sigh::
And yes, I'm mad that she's putting me in this position. But what else could she do? I don't know what to do...
The past twenty four hours have been wraught with drama.
Last night Boy B and I were skyping and it just kind of hit me -- this guy is going to be something special in my life. Whether that's as an incredible friend and influence or as a boyfriend. In some way, this guy is going to have a pretty big impact on my life. And I knew that I needed to be honest with K about what was going on. So I texted her to let her know that Boy B had asked me out (they went to high school together and is how we met). Well, K went crazy.
She called me and went on for 30 minutes hysterically about how I was a crazy fool to be interested in him and that he would ruin my life. Well, the concerned friend part only lasted about 10 minutes. The rest was about how this would ruin her life.
When two of your friends decide to pursue each other, there's that natural anxiety that at some point they will break up and you would be caught in the middle of the pain, the drama, etc.
But K took it to a whole 'nother level. Talking about how if we dated and broke up she would have to deal with the mess from both of us, which would distract her from her internship and would put her future in jeopardy.
I just couldn't believe how selfish it all became. That she made it about her when it really had nothing to do with her. And that the only reason I was involving her to let her know what was going on was out of respect for her, because I didn't want her to hear it from him instead of me, and I didn't want it to come out at her Christmas party as he'd planned.
Once I passed out, she apparently called Boy B and they had it out. And I woke up to five messages in my facebook inbox from her -- starting hysterically and ending meekly.
It was just overwhelming all of the drama. It hurt my feelings that she was so selfish about it. I understand her fear, but it's my life. I'm an adult and break ups aren't super traumatic anymore -- it's honest, compassionate, and proper. I was just so surprised that she was doing the exact same thing to me that her friends do to her (which leaves her pinned in and miserable): micromanaging my life.
::sigh::
We talked on facebook chat today and she seemed much calmer about it, and we seemed good. I don't think she supports the idea of Boy B and I dating, but I think she realizes that it's our lives and that all she can do is hope it goes well (which is still pessimistic). All three of us understand where the other two stand, but we're caught on this tightrope of figuring it all out right now.
But yes... Boy B and I are just friends right now. Building the foundation of friendship and seeing where it goes from there. No plans. No plots. Just chill conversation.
I will say, however, that right now, things with him are looking very promising!!
If I can talk to a guy for 6 hours at a time without getting bored... I think that says a lot. Not to mention how respectful he's been of me and my requests so far.
So that was one part of the drama.
Then today, Mom hit me with more drama. Long story short, she called me and asked for Nanny and Papa's phone number. I told her I didn't feel comfortable getting into the middle of that and that I'd given her their number three times before. So she said she'd call information and hung up on me.
About ten minutes later she calls me back and is hysterical. She asks me about a situation that happened 2 years ago. She asks if I remember who called who. Which I didn't. She asks if I remember what she said, which I didn't. At which she lost it -- saying "You have to remember this! So that if a [ ] asks or if the [ ] ask, you have an answer" and proceeded to try and tell me what happened. I stopped her. "Mom, I love you, but I can't lie and say I remember something that I don't. It's not ethical for you to try and convince me that I remember something that I don't." To which she hung up on me.
I feel terrible that I can't remember. But I can't lie for her to villianize my father. I don't like being put in the middle. She claims over and over that she doesn't want to put me in the middle but when I point out that she's crossing the line she blows up. I am so conflicted on what to do. I don't want my mother to be in trouble. But at the same time, she knew she had this bill to deal with and has been running from it instead of working to deal with it. I love her, I want to help her, but to lie?? I just don't think I can do this... ::sigh::
And yes, I'm mad that she's putting me in this position. But what else could she do? I don't know what to do...
Sunday, December 5, 2010
All Good Things
This past weekend, I spent it in Fayetteville visiting Josh. Josh was very excited for me to come visit him, and I wasn't. My heart wasn't in it, but I wanted to give it one more shot.
It was such a horrible weekend...
We went from almost no physical contact to making out for hours and him pushing for more. Total turn off.
His style of cuddling? Smothering. I like to cuddle, but he wanted every inch of our bodies touching and it was just too much for me.
Thursday night, we're laying in bed half naked, and all of a sudden he's talking about his ex. I literally said "Why are you talking about her? You have a half naked woman in your bed." Like really... what the fuck??
He kept using extreme adjectives to describe the most benign things -- how he hated fruit or how he hated the drivers in Fayetteville. It just reminded me too much of Aaron, who used the same negative attitudes and it eventually came to describe me and belittle me. Major red flag. I want someone who is tolerant, even keel, and calm!
He took me as his date to his Unit's Christmas Party. I was expecting an adult cocktail hour. It was a family Christmas party primarily for the kids (Santa was coming). We get there, and he introduces me to three or four people and we get in line for dinner. Once we have our plates, we go into the dining room. He takes one look around and turns around and walks away. We ended up eating alone in another room. When I asked why, he said he just wasn't interested in meeting people or socializing or making friends. I couldn't believe this. I am not a social animal, but I also don't want to be a recluse.
He didn't want to go out or do anything all weekend. Aside from the Christmas party, all we did was sit on his air mattress and watch netflix.
He asked me what kind of bed I liked to sleep on so that when he goes to purchase one, he gets one that will make me feel comfortable. Sweet, but totally out of line. We weren't even in a relationship!!! That's something you ask when you're pretty seriously dating.
He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to re-enlist or get a job.... He kept asking me my opinion and what to do and all that. There's nothing wrong with asking someones opinion, but I need a man who knows what he wants to do. Who has dreams -- he said he didn't care what job he had. He said he'd be fine working at McDonalds. Major red flag.
All in all, it was all just entirely too overwhelming. He wants a relationship. And I don't feel it.
So I had to end it with him tonight...
And it sucked. I don't ever want to hurt someone or let someone down. But I would rather be honest than lie to him. He took it well. He didn't seem mad or upset or hurt. He appreciated the honesty. But I was still shaken. This was the first guy with whom I ended it. I'm still sad that another possibility has ended in burning flames.
But as the saying goes: All good things must come to an end.
It was such a horrible weekend...
We went from almost no physical contact to making out for hours and him pushing for more. Total turn off.
His style of cuddling? Smothering. I like to cuddle, but he wanted every inch of our bodies touching and it was just too much for me.
Thursday night, we're laying in bed half naked, and all of a sudden he's talking about his ex. I literally said "Why are you talking about her? You have a half naked woman in your bed." Like really... what the fuck??
He kept using extreme adjectives to describe the most benign things -- how he hated fruit or how he hated the drivers in Fayetteville. It just reminded me too much of Aaron, who used the same negative attitudes and it eventually came to describe me and belittle me. Major red flag. I want someone who is tolerant, even keel, and calm!
He took me as his date to his Unit's Christmas Party. I was expecting an adult cocktail hour. It was a family Christmas party primarily for the kids (Santa was coming). We get there, and he introduces me to three or four people and we get in line for dinner. Once we have our plates, we go into the dining room. He takes one look around and turns around and walks away. We ended up eating alone in another room. When I asked why, he said he just wasn't interested in meeting people or socializing or making friends. I couldn't believe this. I am not a social animal, but I also don't want to be a recluse.
He didn't want to go out or do anything all weekend. Aside from the Christmas party, all we did was sit on his air mattress and watch netflix.
He asked me what kind of bed I liked to sleep on so that when he goes to purchase one, he gets one that will make me feel comfortable. Sweet, but totally out of line. We weren't even in a relationship!!! That's something you ask when you're pretty seriously dating.
He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to re-enlist or get a job.... He kept asking me my opinion and what to do and all that. There's nothing wrong with asking someones opinion, but I need a man who knows what he wants to do. Who has dreams -- he said he didn't care what job he had. He said he'd be fine working at McDonalds. Major red flag.
All in all, it was all just entirely too overwhelming. He wants a relationship. And I don't feel it.
So I had to end it with him tonight...
And it sucked. I don't ever want to hurt someone or let someone down. But I would rather be honest than lie to him. He took it well. He didn't seem mad or upset or hurt. He appreciated the honesty. But I was still shaken. This was the first guy with whom I ended it. I'm still sad that another possibility has ended in burning flames.
But as the saying goes: All good things must come to an end.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thoughts
As is somewhat usual, I find myself deep in thought tonight. In a thoughtful mood. God is working in my heart, soul, and mind right now. I can feel his touch tonight.
There are no new "issues" to share in this blog tonight. The issues that I have been trying to deal with and sort through that I have already shared with you still remain, but I can feel God working in me concerning these issues.
More often these days I find myself in rapture with children. Not something I expected myself to ever be in rapture with... Children were never my strong suit. But these days? I find myself loving them and wanting them.
I find myself wanting a stable, healthy relationship. One that will meet my needs, my wants, who I'm not settling for. And on that same token, I feel a great connection with one man (who is unavailable and off limits to me at the present time) and little to no connection with another man (who is more available and totally on limits to me). The great connection is a man that I can see myself settling down with. The no connection is me settling. I feel as if I'm being desperate by hanging on to him even though I just don't think we're a good match. Is it better to have an empty relationship (but to still have someone ) or to be single (and potentially very lonely)?
I feel like I'm wasting my time with Josh. He's a nice guy, but I just don't know... ::sigh:: It's like pulling teeth for him to talk to me. I want to be excited to talk to a guy, and for him to be excited to talk to me. And I'm just not sure that's there for me... ::sigh:: Do I give him another chance and go spend my "weekend" with him or do I cut and run? My heart isn't there. I don't want to lead him on. But like my wise Mama says: it's probably because I'm subconsciously comparing him to Bryan.
I find myself unhappy with where my life is right now as far as career and self fulfillment. I crave purpose. I wonder if this is God telling me that I'm on the wrong path. I feel a little lost, and I often find myself closing my eyes and speaking to God for help, direction.
I am so appreciative of the millions of blessings I have. Truly, I am. I often find myself very emotional about just how blessed and lucky I am. I don't deserve everything I have. I feel so guilty for having so much.
There are no new "issues" to share in this blog tonight. The issues that I have been trying to deal with and sort through that I have already shared with you still remain, but I can feel God working in me concerning these issues.
More often these days I find myself in rapture with children. Not something I expected myself to ever be in rapture with... Children were never my strong suit. But these days? I find myself loving them and wanting them.
I find myself wanting a stable, healthy relationship. One that will meet my needs, my wants, who I'm not settling for. And on that same token, I feel a great connection with one man (who is unavailable and off limits to me at the present time) and little to no connection with another man (who is more available and totally on limits to me). The great connection is a man that I can see myself settling down with. The no connection is me settling. I feel as if I'm being desperate by hanging on to him even though I just don't think we're a good match. Is it better to have an empty relationship (but to still have someone ) or to be single (and potentially very lonely)?
I feel like I'm wasting my time with Josh. He's a nice guy, but I just don't know... ::sigh:: It's like pulling teeth for him to talk to me. I want to be excited to talk to a guy, and for him to be excited to talk to me. And I'm just not sure that's there for me... ::sigh:: Do I give him another chance and go spend my "weekend" with him or do I cut and run? My heart isn't there. I don't want to lead him on. But like my wise Mama says: it's probably because I'm subconsciously comparing him to Bryan.
I find myself unhappy with where my life is right now as far as career and self fulfillment. I crave purpose. I wonder if this is God telling me that I'm on the wrong path. I feel a little lost, and I often find myself closing my eyes and speaking to God for help, direction.
I am so appreciative of the millions of blessings I have. Truly, I am. I often find myself very emotional about just how blessed and lucky I am. I don't deserve everything I have. I feel so guilty for having so much.
Friday, November 26, 2010
What I Do on Friday Nights
Tonight, I decided to master crocheting baby beanies. I'm not pregnant (I'd have to have sex to be pregnant, and seeing as how THAT hasn't happened in a long time...), nor are any of my friends pregnant or with small children. I just wanted to learn how to crochet something other than washcloths and blankets. So I decided to start with a baby accessory -- they're smaller in scale so would in theory require less time.
I found a pattern yesterday and a tutorial video on youtube and attempted to master it. But I kept messing it up for some reason. So I set it aside for the day and picked it back up today. And voila! I have crocheted my first baby beanie!!!
It is super cute. Now I just need to find a baby to give it to haha.
But in case you're curious or interested, here's the pattern and the tutorial. I copied the pattern straight from the tutorial for quick reference for me. And in case you're a newbie to crocheting (like I am!), I wrote the pattern more in english than in crochet language. :) All in all, the cap took me about an hour to crochet (once I'd mastered the technique lol. Meaning I did not count yesterday's learning curve in the time count).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOlsvJNklow
- Chain 4
- Join the chain so that it becomes a loop (insert needle in loop furthest from end of chain. Loop new yarn, pull through both loops in the chain)
- Chain 2
-11 half double crochets (hdc) in/through/around the circle created by the chain. This creates a neat little circle that makes me think of a sand dollar!
-Do not join the 11th hdc to the 1st hdc -- this will create a "spiral" effect in your hat instead of straight circles, which is a good thing! It will make lengthening the hat easier; but it will also make it difficult to know when you've come to the end of each "round" (aka: crocheting around the hat and reaching your starting point)
-Okay. Now that you're at the "start" of the circle, you're going to put 2 hdc's in the middle of each stitch of the circle. This may be confusing at the start, but will become very easy with a little practice. Watching the video will help demonstrate this better than words can describe! Yay YouTube! There will be a total of 24 stitches made in this round.
-Now you're at the "start" of the second circle. Mark this with a contrasting color. I used a neon green hair stretchy. You can use yarn like she does in the video. Whatever you use, just pull it through the loop. You're using it as reference so that you know when you get back to the start; helps reduce confusion.
-Round 3: alternate between single hdc's and double hdc's in each stitch. This makes the beanie wider for the wee little head! :) (36 stitches)
-Round 4: single hdc in each stitch (36 stitches)
-Round 5: this one can get tricky. There's a sequence: (1st stitch/hole) single hdc, (2nd stitch/hole) single hdc, (3rd stitch/hole) double hdc. Repeat this all the way around back to your reference string/yarn/hair tie. After a few, if you get lost, you'll be able to inspect the stitches you've done and figure out if you're on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd stitch of the pattern.
-Round 6 and on (they recommend to 21): single hdc in each stitch. This is where it whizzes by!
My beanie started "curling" in round three! :) So don't be alarmed if your's doesn't stay as flat as the lady's in the video :)
Half Double Crochet Instructions:
(takes into account that you have already chained a straight chain and have your needle ready for instruction!)
-"Thread" needle so that you have two loops on the needle (the loop from the chain and the loop you just put on it)
- Dip needle through desired chain/hole and thread needle again on the back of your chain/hole (you now have three loops on the needle)
- Pull the third loop through the chain/hole so that your needle is on top of the piece you're working on
- Thread needle again and pull this 4th loop through the 2 closest loops (you now have 2 loops on your needle)
- Thread needle again (there are 3 loops on the needle) and pull the 3rd loop through the remaining 2 loops
- And you've just completed a half double crochet stitch! You're left with one loop on your needle and ready for the next step. Whether that's chaining, or going straight into more hdc's! :) :)
Hope that was of some help! The video is great. Watch the video and try it. Read my verbal cues and try it. Just give it a few chances... Once you've confronted the learning curve (I promise it's not that hard!), it's a breeze! :) :)
I found a pattern yesterday and a tutorial video on youtube and attempted to master it. But I kept messing it up for some reason. So I set it aside for the day and picked it back up today. And voila! I have crocheted my first baby beanie!!!
It is super cute. Now I just need to find a baby to give it to haha.
But in case you're curious or interested, here's the pattern and the tutorial. I copied the pattern straight from the tutorial for quick reference for me. And in case you're a newbie to crocheting (like I am!), I wrote the pattern more in english than in crochet language. :) All in all, the cap took me about an hour to crochet (once I'd mastered the technique lol. Meaning I did not count yesterday's learning curve in the time count).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOlsvJNklow
- Chain 4
- Join the chain so that it becomes a loop (insert needle in loop furthest from end of chain. Loop new yarn, pull through both loops in the chain)
- Chain 2
-11 half double crochets (hdc) in/through/around the circle created by the chain. This creates a neat little circle that makes me think of a sand dollar!
-Do not join the 11th hdc to the 1st hdc -- this will create a "spiral" effect in your hat instead of straight circles, which is a good thing! It will make lengthening the hat easier; but it will also make it difficult to know when you've come to the end of each "round" (aka: crocheting around the hat and reaching your starting point)
-Okay. Now that you're at the "start" of the circle, you're going to put 2 hdc's in the middle of each stitch of the circle. This may be confusing at the start, but will become very easy with a little practice. Watching the video will help demonstrate this better than words can describe! Yay YouTube! There will be a total of 24 stitches made in this round.
-Now you're at the "start" of the second circle. Mark this with a contrasting color. I used a neon green hair stretchy. You can use yarn like she does in the video. Whatever you use, just pull it through the loop. You're using it as reference so that you know when you get back to the start; helps reduce confusion.
-Round 3: alternate between single hdc's and double hdc's in each stitch. This makes the beanie wider for the wee little head! :) (36 stitches)
-Round 4: single hdc in each stitch (36 stitches)
-Round 5: this one can get tricky. There's a sequence: (1st stitch/hole) single hdc, (2nd stitch/hole) single hdc, (3rd stitch/hole) double hdc. Repeat this all the way around back to your reference string/yarn/hair tie. After a few, if you get lost, you'll be able to inspect the stitches you've done and figure out if you're on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd stitch of the pattern.
-Round 6 and on (they recommend to 21): single hdc in each stitch. This is where it whizzes by!
My beanie started "curling" in round three! :) So don't be alarmed if your's doesn't stay as flat as the lady's in the video :)
Half Double Crochet Instructions:
(takes into account that you have already chained a straight chain and have your needle ready for instruction!)
-"Thread" needle so that you have two loops on the needle (the loop from the chain and the loop you just put on it)
- Dip needle through desired chain/hole and thread needle again on the back of your chain/hole (you now have three loops on the needle)
- Pull the third loop through the chain/hole so that your needle is on top of the piece you're working on
- Thread needle again and pull this 4th loop through the 2 closest loops (you now have 2 loops on your needle)
- Thread needle again (there are 3 loops on the needle) and pull the 3rd loop through the remaining 2 loops
- And you've just completed a half double crochet stitch! You're left with one loop on your needle and ready for the next step. Whether that's chaining, or going straight into more hdc's! :) :)
Hope that was of some help! The video is great. Watch the video and try it. Read my verbal cues and try it. Just give it a few chances... Once you've confronted the learning curve (I promise it's not that hard!), it's a breeze! :) :)
Men... Ugh.
Men.
I don't get them.
Well... I do. For the most part. 97% of the time, I totally get them.
But 3% of the time? 3% of the time I don't fucking get them.
They seem interested. They act interested. They get to the "this could lead to something" point and then one of two things happen: they jump head first, or they get flaky.
And with Josh, I'm dealing with flaky.
Frankly, I find it incredibly irritating. I feel like I'm being used or led on. At this point, conversations shouldn't last for three text messages and then fall off. He should be excited to talk to me. But I'm getting nothing. NOTHING. Zilch.
And I refuse to be that girl. Who texts him all the time, skype chats him all the time. I already sent him a skype chat and got no response because he went "away" as soon as I sent it (don't you hate when that happens???), so if he wants to talk, then he needs to message me. It's his fucking turn. He's online. He pops in and off facebook, and he's "available" on skype. And he texted me two hours ago to ask if I'm working next weekend (which I am). And nothing since.
Seriously?????
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I DON'T GET MEN (3% of the time), and this is one of those 3% times.
And I wonder why I care so much... I've been on three "dates" with him, no kiss, mixed signals, etc. I really shouldn't care so much. I don't even know if we're compatible enough to be a couple. Like I think I've said before, he's not my usual type.
And all this is not being helped by the fact that Bryan is in the picture. Who I'm incredibly attracted to but who is off limits because Kelley is much more important to me. But damn... He's like, awesome. And I'm legit crushin. He meets so many of the criteria. Ughhhhhhh. I am so freaking confused...
I don't get them.
Well... I do. For the most part. 97% of the time, I totally get them.
But 3% of the time? 3% of the time I don't fucking get them.
They seem interested. They act interested. They get to the "this could lead to something" point and then one of two things happen: they jump head first, or they get flaky.
And with Josh, I'm dealing with flaky.
Frankly, I find it incredibly irritating. I feel like I'm being used or led on. At this point, conversations shouldn't last for three text messages and then fall off. He should be excited to talk to me. But I'm getting nothing. NOTHING. Zilch.
And I refuse to be that girl. Who texts him all the time, skype chats him all the time. I already sent him a skype chat and got no response because he went "away" as soon as I sent it (don't you hate when that happens???), so if he wants to talk, then he needs to message me. It's his fucking turn. He's online. He pops in and off facebook, and he's "available" on skype. And he texted me two hours ago to ask if I'm working next weekend (which I am). And nothing since.
Seriously?????
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I DON'T GET MEN (3% of the time), and this is one of those 3% times.
And I wonder why I care so much... I've been on three "dates" with him, no kiss, mixed signals, etc. I really shouldn't care so much. I don't even know if we're compatible enough to be a couple. Like I think I've said before, he's not my usual type.
And all this is not being helped by the fact that Bryan is in the picture. Who I'm incredibly attracted to but who is off limits because Kelley is much more important to me. But damn... He's like, awesome. And I'm legit crushin. He meets so many of the criteria. Ughhhhhhh. I am so freaking confused...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thankfulness
Today is Thanksgiving, and I decided to take a few moments to think about what I'm thankful for...
My family. No matter what I do, they stand by me, accept me, and love me.
My friends. They are amazing. And even though we may be going through some distance or separation, we can still call on each other and fall right back into it.
My dreams. They give me purpose and reason to live.
My jobs. They provide me with financial help, fun contact with the public, and great times with co-workers.
Safety, Health, a Home, Food, and Clothes.
My personality -- that even though I often over analyze, I never give up and I always find a way through. I also usually find a reason to be happy -- which makes my life a more enjoyable one!
The love and grace of God.
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
My family. No matter what I do, they stand by me, accept me, and love me.
My friends. They are amazing. And even though we may be going through some distance or separation, we can still call on each other and fall right back into it.
My dreams. They give me purpose and reason to live.
My jobs. They provide me with financial help, fun contact with the public, and great times with co-workers.
Safety, Health, a Home, Food, and Clothes.
My personality -- that even though I often over analyze, I never give up and I always find a way through. I also usually find a reason to be happy -- which makes my life a more enjoyable one!
The love and grace of God.
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Roadblocks
Ugh. So after facing this junction, I came up with a game plan last night: I'm going to study for and take the GRE and apply for Physical Therapy school. And if I don't get in, then I can do PTA as my back up until I can get it.
So before I went to bed, I decided to do some quick looking around at the PT schools that I'm interested in. Of course, it shouldn't be of any surprise, but I have missed every single one of the application deadlines except one. And the one I haven't missed? Is ECU's, which is December 15th. So I would have basically two weeks to take the GRE, pass the GRE, submit completed applications, turn in at least three letters of receommendation for each school, AND complete at least 100 shadowing hours. So yeah. It's not going to happen.
So I'm stuck here, where I am, my life on hold. Twiddling my thumbs. All my prayers and hopes hanging on the PTA program at Craven -- and if it isn't accredited? I have no idea what I will do.
I just feel so stagnant here. I feel like I'm making no progress toward my career, that I'm wasting my time and my money. I'm just unhappy. I have no excitement left in my life -- I used to be so energetic and happy, and now, I feel like if you looked in my eyes, they would be lifeless and soul-less. I don't want to be like that!! But I'm stuck here.
I don't know. I am just so lost.
So before I went to bed, I decided to do some quick looking around at the PT schools that I'm interested in. Of course, it shouldn't be of any surprise, but I have missed every single one of the application deadlines except one. And the one I haven't missed? Is ECU's, which is December 15th. So I would have basically two weeks to take the GRE, pass the GRE, submit completed applications, turn in at least three letters of receommendation for each school, AND complete at least 100 shadowing hours. So yeah. It's not going to happen.
So I'm stuck here, where I am, my life on hold. Twiddling my thumbs. All my prayers and hopes hanging on the PTA program at Craven -- and if it isn't accredited? I have no idea what I will do.
I just feel so stagnant here. I feel like I'm making no progress toward my career, that I'm wasting my time and my money. I'm just unhappy. I have no excitement left in my life -- I used to be so energetic and happy, and now, I feel like if you looked in my eyes, they would be lifeless and soul-less. I don't want to be like that!! But I'm stuck here.
I don't know. I am just so lost.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Junction's Approach
Well, you all know about the latest development with school. That accredidation is up in the air and I won't really begin until April (or May!) if we are approved. Which has me in cycles of panic attacks, identity crises, fear, and anxiety.
And once again, I find myself at a junction in life. Where I have options. Choices. Turns. Decisions to make. And if you know me at all, you know how much I detest making decisions like this -- they make me so nervous, so fearful that I'll make the wrong decision.
So I've decided to air my laundry and list all my potential choices:
- Take the GRE and attempt to get into a Physical Therapy Doctorate program (which would be incredibly unlikely as I don't have anything on my resume that particularly sets me apart as an excellent candidate for PT school)
- Try to get into another PTA program. There are programs in Greensboro, Charlotte, and Asheville. I don't really want to live in any of those cities though. I grew up in Greensboro and thus have no real desire to return. Charlotte is nice, but it's entirely too big for me and has a higher cost of living. Asheville might be nice, but it's in the mountains which I would love, but could potentially be too close to Boone which is where my ex lives and thus where I'd like to avoid.
- Look into an online masters program in health promotion or something. However, this isn't exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to go into physical therapy. So I fear this would be just a waste of time/money.
- Focus on getting certified as a Personal Trainer, Health Fitness Specialist, or Group Exercise Instructor. This would make me more marketable for gym jobs, but again, I want to be a physical therapist. Personal training and group fitness is more of my fun job; my extra money job. So I fear that focusing on this would also be a bit of a waste of time and money (these certifications run about $500 a piece).
- Twiddle my thumbs and wait and see what happens with the PTA program at Craven. Did I mention how impatient I am?
So yeah... Those are my options. Ugh.
And once again, I find myself at a junction in life. Where I have options. Choices. Turns. Decisions to make. And if you know me at all, you know how much I detest making decisions like this -- they make me so nervous, so fearful that I'll make the wrong decision.
So I've decided to air my laundry and list all my potential choices:
- Take the GRE and attempt to get into a Physical Therapy Doctorate program (which would be incredibly unlikely as I don't have anything on my resume that particularly sets me apart as an excellent candidate for PT school)
- Try to get into another PTA program. There are programs in Greensboro, Charlotte, and Asheville. I don't really want to live in any of those cities though. I grew up in Greensboro and thus have no real desire to return. Charlotte is nice, but it's entirely too big for me and has a higher cost of living. Asheville might be nice, but it's in the mountains which I would love, but could potentially be too close to Boone which is where my ex lives and thus where I'd like to avoid.
- Look into an online masters program in health promotion or something. However, this isn't exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to go into physical therapy. So I fear this would be just a waste of time/money.
- Focus on getting certified as a Personal Trainer, Health Fitness Specialist, or Group Exercise Instructor. This would make me more marketable for gym jobs, but again, I want to be a physical therapist. Personal training and group fitness is more of my fun job; my extra money job. So I fear that focusing on this would also be a bit of a waste of time and money (these certifications run about $500 a piece).
- Twiddle my thumbs and wait and see what happens with the PTA program at Craven. Did I mention how impatient I am?
So yeah... Those are my options. Ugh.
Monday, November 22, 2010
He's Just (Not) Into Me?
This weekend was really nice. I was able to spend the whole weekend off work and with my family to celebrate Nanny's 75th birthday. It was so nice to relax and be with the people that I see so rarely.
And Harry Potter 7.1?? AHHHH-mazing!!! Meghan, Dad, and I went to see it Sunday, and I was seriously pleased with the production of it. They did a really amazing job with the story, details, etc. For the most part, they stuck really close to the book. There were only a few places where they left some stuff out that I thought were pretty major oversights, but it will be interesting to see how they work it all in in the last one!
On the way home from SC, I stopped in Fayetteville to have dinner with Josh. I met him and we went to his barracks. He had picked up dinner from Boston Market and we watched a couple movies. He was so cute last night. :) But no kiss! STILL! Haha. Granted it's only the third date, but I was kind of expecting him to try and kiss me. But he didn't. He wanted to, but he didn't. And his awkwardness was so cute.
We've been texting all weekend and all last night. Today I asked if he had plans for Thanksgiving, because I am going to cook a Thanksgiving spread and wanted to have someone to share it with. Well, he basically turned my invitation down. He didn't sight one specific reason, but several little ones: he's worried about having enough money, he's already been invited to several thanksgivings, etc etc. And now I'm watching "He's Just Not That Into You," looking for guidance and grounding. Is this a simple honest regrettable decision that he can't come? Or is he just not that into me? Like the movie says: "if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he will see you."
Then he said he couldn't talk because he had to go back to work, which he's never said before. Blowing me off? Pushing me away? Now I'm just confused.
Well whatever it is, the ball's in his court. He can text me. He can suggest the next date. If he's interested, he can take the next step. I'm tired of getting walked over and lied to.
And Harry Potter 7.1?? AHHHH-mazing!!! Meghan, Dad, and I went to see it Sunday, and I was seriously pleased with the production of it. They did a really amazing job with the story, details, etc. For the most part, they stuck really close to the book. There were only a few places where they left some stuff out that I thought were pretty major oversights, but it will be interesting to see how they work it all in in the last one!
On the way home from SC, I stopped in Fayetteville to have dinner with Josh. I met him and we went to his barracks. He had picked up dinner from Boston Market and we watched a couple movies. He was so cute last night. :) But no kiss! STILL! Haha. Granted it's only the third date, but I was kind of expecting him to try and kiss me. But he didn't. He wanted to, but he didn't. And his awkwardness was so cute.
We've been texting all weekend and all last night. Today I asked if he had plans for Thanksgiving, because I am going to cook a Thanksgiving spread and wanted to have someone to share it with. Well, he basically turned my invitation down. He didn't sight one specific reason, but several little ones: he's worried about having enough money, he's already been invited to several thanksgivings, etc etc. And now I'm watching "He's Just Not That Into You," looking for guidance and grounding. Is this a simple honest regrettable decision that he can't come? Or is he just not that into me? Like the movie says: "if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he will see you."
Then he said he couldn't talk because he had to go back to work, which he's never said before. Blowing me off? Pushing me away? Now I'm just confused.
Well whatever it is, the ball's in his court. He can text me. He can suggest the next date. If he's interested, he can take the next step. I'm tired of getting walked over and lied to.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Big Plans -- Kinda Wish I Had None
I'm in for quite a weekend. Work until 7pm tonight, then heading straight from work to good ol' South Carolina to enjoy a weekend with the family. Friday will be spent cleaning my grandparents house. Saturday will be spent celebrating Aunt Genny's birthday, Nanny's birthday, and Thanksgiving. Then Sunday, Meghan, Dad, and I are going to Florence to see Harry Potter 7 part 1 (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!). Then on the way home, I'm stopping in Fayetteville for a dinner date.
Like I said -- quite a weekend.
I'm excited to see the family and pick up my Christmas decorations. But I'm not looking forward to the long drive, and I'm so paranoid that someone will break into my apartment while I'm gone and steal things. I'm so paranoid that I'm taking with me this weekend my prized possessions. Seriously. Paranoid. This is yet another reason illustrating why having roommate(s) is/are handy and helpful. They make living cheaper, increase security, are good company, help keep the apartment clean, and overall they increase your sanity.
I also kinda wish that I didn't have any plans this weekend (and no work) so that I could just rest. This virus is killing me. I can't sleep. I'm not hungry. I'm forever tired. I have no time to rest, recover, and heal.
In other tidbits, my nose is so chapped from the constant nose blowing that I am literally applying chapstick to the INSIDE of my nose. This virus freaking sucks.
Like I said -- quite a weekend.
I'm excited to see the family and pick up my Christmas decorations. But I'm not looking forward to the long drive, and I'm so paranoid that someone will break into my apartment while I'm gone and steal things. I'm so paranoid that I'm taking with me this weekend my prized possessions. Seriously. Paranoid. This is yet another reason illustrating why having roommate(s) is/are handy and helpful. They make living cheaper, increase security, are good company, help keep the apartment clean, and overall they increase your sanity.
I also kinda wish that I didn't have any plans this weekend (and no work) so that I could just rest. This virus is killing me. I can't sleep. I'm not hungry. I'm forever tired. I have no time to rest, recover, and heal.
In other tidbits, my nose is so chapped from the constant nose blowing that I am literally applying chapstick to the INSIDE of my nose. This virus freaking sucks.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
First Date
It's been a long time since I had one of these -- a first date.
And I had a lovely time! I was kind of surprised he was still interested in going out last night since I'm still stuck with this persistent cold. But I think he was pretty excited to have a date. ;)
He drove back to NC (where he's stationed) from CT (home) yesterday, and then came to New Bern for dinner! It was a busy day for me -- the cold was really getting to me and I didn't sleep well the night before (my sinuses kept waking me up!!), I had class at the Y in the morning, bus training a few hours later, then class at the Y an hour after that. Then after class, I gave myself one hour to come home, shower, dress, and get ready for the first date. It was a whirlwind hour! But amazingly I was ready pretty much on time, and looked really cute (dress denim slacks, dark purple tank top with sparkles, and white crocheted cape jacket paired with my green sanuks). He came and picked me up (which was a little outside of my comfort zone -- I usually meet the guy at the destination on the first date) and we went to dinner. We ate at a very nice resturant: Morgans Tavern and Bar located in the heart of downtown New Bern. It was such a cute and nice resturant. We ordered crab dip as an appetizer, he got a ribeye, and I got crabcakes (amazzzzzzzzzzzzing). It was not a cheap place -- I kind of felt bad that it was so expensive. He never made a single comment about the price, and we had excellent conversation with some good laughs.
Then afterwards, we walked around downtown New Bern for a bit (by this time it was probably 930pm or so) and did some talking. I had some pertty serious questions/concerns that I raised, and he answered them very honestly and said that none of the things were of concern to him. I brought up the fact that it was a 2hr long distance relationship, and that probably due to my job situation, I wouldn't be able to evenly visit him like he would me -- so most of the driving would probably fall on his shoulders. I also brought up the fact that I'm in no rush to get into a relationship, and I don't want the pressure of that right now. Again -- he said none of this was a problem and wouldn't be a deterance to him.
Afterwards, I did something I don't do on the first date: I invited him to my apartment to watch a DVD. So we rented IronMan2 and watched it. He was cute in his nervousness and innocence. I made the only "move" that night in that I stretched out on the couch and put my legs in his lap. He rubbed them some (which felt so nice, btw), but it didn't go any further than that. No hand holding! No kissing! I was so surprised!!
He stayed in New Bern last night (he didn't want to drive back so late), and stayed in a hotel room. Again, I kind of felt bad that he had to spend the money, but at the same time: it was his choice to do so.
And today we hung out and got lunch. We did another movie, and got steak and cheese sandwiches and brought them back to eat. I wasn't feeling too well today and thus my creativity was zapped. But we did some cuddling on the couch of the more traditional sense: me leaning against him. After the movie was 1 hours in, he finally started rubbing my knee (again; gosh I forgot how much I love that!). Then once the movie was 1.5 hours in, I strategically placed my hand close but just out of reach of my knee and his hand. And we held hands. :) It was so cute and sweet and innocent. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but he didn't! It was honestly nice. To have a guy who wasn't going to rush anything.
A part of me wishes he had kissed me, but at the same time, I'm kind of glad he didn't. :) Leaves something to look forward to -- when I'm not sick! Haha.
I like him. He's cute, sweet, kind of awkward, fun. But we'll see. There is this other guy I've been talking to who I click with more and with whom there's some serious connection. But he's got issues, has no direction in his life, he drinks too much, and he's one of my friends' friends (meaning he's kind of taboo and off limits). So I just don't know.
I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. :) I like Josh... He's a sweet guy with a good heart. And they say nerds are better boyfriends and lovers -- they're more in tune with your needs and wishes, work harder to please, and stick to the gentleman way more than a "hot" guy would. So time will tell!
And I had a lovely time! I was kind of surprised he was still interested in going out last night since I'm still stuck with this persistent cold. But I think he was pretty excited to have a date. ;)
He drove back to NC (where he's stationed) from CT (home) yesterday, and then came to New Bern for dinner! It was a busy day for me -- the cold was really getting to me and I didn't sleep well the night before (my sinuses kept waking me up!!), I had class at the Y in the morning, bus training a few hours later, then class at the Y an hour after that. Then after class, I gave myself one hour to come home, shower, dress, and get ready for the first date. It was a whirlwind hour! But amazingly I was ready pretty much on time, and looked really cute (dress denim slacks, dark purple tank top with sparkles, and white crocheted cape jacket paired with my green sanuks). He came and picked me up (which was a little outside of my comfort zone -- I usually meet the guy at the destination on the first date) and we went to dinner. We ate at a very nice resturant: Morgans Tavern and Bar located in the heart of downtown New Bern. It was such a cute and nice resturant. We ordered crab dip as an appetizer, he got a ribeye, and I got crabcakes (amazzzzzzzzzzzzing). It was not a cheap place -- I kind of felt bad that it was so expensive. He never made a single comment about the price, and we had excellent conversation with some good laughs.
Then afterwards, we walked around downtown New Bern for a bit (by this time it was probably 930pm or so) and did some talking. I had some pertty serious questions/concerns that I raised, and he answered them very honestly and said that none of the things were of concern to him. I brought up the fact that it was a 2hr long distance relationship, and that probably due to my job situation, I wouldn't be able to evenly visit him like he would me -- so most of the driving would probably fall on his shoulders. I also brought up the fact that I'm in no rush to get into a relationship, and I don't want the pressure of that right now. Again -- he said none of this was a problem and wouldn't be a deterance to him.
Afterwards, I did something I don't do on the first date: I invited him to my apartment to watch a DVD. So we rented IronMan2 and watched it. He was cute in his nervousness and innocence. I made the only "move" that night in that I stretched out on the couch and put my legs in his lap. He rubbed them some (which felt so nice, btw), but it didn't go any further than that. No hand holding! No kissing! I was so surprised!!
He stayed in New Bern last night (he didn't want to drive back so late), and stayed in a hotel room. Again, I kind of felt bad that he had to spend the money, but at the same time: it was his choice to do so.
And today we hung out and got lunch. We did another movie, and got steak and cheese sandwiches and brought them back to eat. I wasn't feeling too well today and thus my creativity was zapped. But we did some cuddling on the couch of the more traditional sense: me leaning against him. After the movie was 1 hours in, he finally started rubbing my knee (again; gosh I forgot how much I love that!). Then once the movie was 1.5 hours in, I strategically placed my hand close but just out of reach of my knee and his hand. And we held hands. :) It was so cute and sweet and innocent. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but he didn't! It was honestly nice. To have a guy who wasn't going to rush anything.
A part of me wishes he had kissed me, but at the same time, I'm kind of glad he didn't. :) Leaves something to look forward to -- when I'm not sick! Haha.
I like him. He's cute, sweet, kind of awkward, fun. But we'll see. There is this other guy I've been talking to who I click with more and with whom there's some serious connection. But he's got issues, has no direction in his life, he drinks too much, and he's one of my friends' friends (meaning he's kind of taboo and off limits). So I just don't know.
I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. :) I like Josh... He's a sweet guy with a good heart. And they say nerds are better boyfriends and lovers -- they're more in tune with your needs and wishes, work harder to please, and stick to the gentleman way more than a "hot" guy would. So time will tell!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Sick...
Well, I have come down with the Cold virus. Woke up yesterday with the worst sore throat, and now it's combined with sinus congestion and some mild body aches. Thankfully the throat isn't as sore as it was yesterday (more sinus than anything else). So unfortunately I will not be attending church tomorrow -- because I don't want to infect anyone there. :( Particularly since the congreation has so many children!
So I'm all hopped up on meds -- Nyquil, Sudafed, Zicam, Advil. I'm just praying for some good sleep tonight! I had such trouble last night getting to sleep :(
But thankfully, "Why Did I Get Married" is on TNT, and I love the Tyler Perry movies! Hooray for entertainment!!! :) :) :)
So I'm all hopped up on meds -- Nyquil, Sudafed, Zicam, Advil. I'm just praying for some good sleep tonight! I had such trouble last night getting to sleep :(
But thankfully, "Why Did I Get Married" is on TNT, and I love the Tyler Perry movies! Hooray for entertainment!!! :) :) :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Will this week ever improve?
I've had a really crappy week. It's been such a roller coaster.
Monday there were issues with the Y -- they told me a program started on the 8th, but then said it started the 12th, then I got the impression that I was, indeed suppossed to be there the 8th.
Tuesday I completely forgot my **required** advising meeting for my PTA program. So I had to call and reschedule for Thursday.
Wednesday at Cato the money was all fucked up -- I didn't do the deposit right and we had two random dollars that didn't belong anywhere.
Thursday (today) I went to my makeup advising meeting, and found out that due to accredidation issues, classes wouldn't begin until APRIL. So instead of having 3 months to settle into New Bern, I will now have 7 or 8 months (depending on when classes start). When the whole time, I could have lived at home, saved the money, gotten better part time jobs, done some shadowing with a physical therapist, and taken more relative courses at a local community college. So now my light at the end of the tunnel for Cato is gone. I was so looking forward to January when I could tell them that I could only do reduced hours due to school. But now I have 4 or 5 more months of open availability. 4 or 5 more months of misery. And all I want to do is go home. To be with my family.
I feel like I can't keep up with my jobs -- I can't dedicate myself to one because I'm balancing all three. The Y offered me a regular schedule with bus driving, and I had to say no because of Cato -- because Cato brings in the money and offers me insurance.
Not to mention my emotions have been all over the place. I've been crying, laughing, moody, etc etc. So this latest blow has just put me over the edge.
I just can't get ahead this week.
Monday there were issues with the Y -- they told me a program started on the 8th, but then said it started the 12th, then I got the impression that I was, indeed suppossed to be there the 8th.
Tuesday I completely forgot my **required** advising meeting for my PTA program. So I had to call and reschedule for Thursday.
Wednesday at Cato the money was all fucked up -- I didn't do the deposit right and we had two random dollars that didn't belong anywhere.
Thursday (today) I went to my makeup advising meeting, and found out that due to accredidation issues, classes wouldn't begin until APRIL. So instead of having 3 months to settle into New Bern, I will now have 7 or 8 months (depending on when classes start). When the whole time, I could have lived at home, saved the money, gotten better part time jobs, done some shadowing with a physical therapist, and taken more relative courses at a local community college. So now my light at the end of the tunnel for Cato is gone. I was so looking forward to January when I could tell them that I could only do reduced hours due to school. But now I have 4 or 5 more months of open availability. 4 or 5 more months of misery. And all I want to do is go home. To be with my family.
I feel like I can't keep up with my jobs -- I can't dedicate myself to one because I'm balancing all three. The Y offered me a regular schedule with bus driving, and I had to say no because of Cato -- because Cato brings in the money and offers me insurance.
Not to mention my emotions have been all over the place. I've been crying, laughing, moody, etc etc. So this latest blow has just put me over the edge.
I just can't get ahead this week.
I'm in such a reflective state of mind today.
On the state of my life. My emotions. My family -- alive and passed. The things I've done in the past -- that which I am proud of; that which I am embarrased of. My future. What it holds for me. Where it will take me. What will I be remembered for? Are the decisions I'm making today the right ones? Will I feel this alone forever? Will I be this busy with everything that I won't have time for the things I want to do forever? How many more times will I get lost before I am found?
I miss my family so much right now. My blood family, my emotional family. I just want to gather them around me and hold them close and never let go.
I don't know why I'm so emotional right now. But it's hitting me hard.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Deep Sleep to Consciousness in 0.29 seconds
Today began horribly. It was suppossed to start wonderfully. I didn't have to work until 2pm today, so I could sleep in. Like really sleep in. I set my alarm for 11:50am so that if I did sleep in, I'd get up with plenty of time to get ready. But at 11:30am, I bolted upright in my bed, going from deep sleep to full consciousness in .29 seconds. Why? Because in my sleep I realized that I had 100% totally forgotten to go to my required advising meeting yesterday for school!
That's one of the worst feelings in the world for me -- realizing that you totally forgot a deadline or appointment. I instantly went from realization to freak out/panic attac/break down. I let myself feel every emotion I wanted to feel -- anger, disappointment, embarrasment, failure, sadness. I let the tears flow.
But ten minutes later, I had to take a deep breath and collect myself. Going on like this forever doesn't help a situation. You have to acknowledge these feelings and feel these feelings, but you can't dwell on them. I said a little prayer, calmed myself down, and moved on.
I wrote the director an email, apologizing profusely and letting her know when I could meet her to make it up.
Now? All I can do is wait. And hope that this one obstacle won't doom me. Wait for her response. Pray for a second chance. And do better about keeping my schedule straight!
That's one of the worst feelings in the world for me -- realizing that you totally forgot a deadline or appointment. I instantly went from realization to freak out/panic attac/break down. I let myself feel every emotion I wanted to feel -- anger, disappointment, embarrasment, failure, sadness. I let the tears flow.
But ten minutes later, I had to take a deep breath and collect myself. Going on like this forever doesn't help a situation. You have to acknowledge these feelings and feel these feelings, but you can't dwell on them. I said a little prayer, calmed myself down, and moved on.
I wrote the director an email, apologizing profusely and letting her know when I could meet her to make it up.
Now? All I can do is wait. And hope that this one obstacle won't doom me. Wait for her response. Pray for a second chance. And do better about keeping my schedule straight!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Twisty
Well, random facebook boy and I have been corresponding. I frankly am not sure how I feel about any of it. I mean, he's a nice guy. But he drives a sports car (like a serious speed demon), and that just screams "prick" to me. He doesn't listen to country (said he doesn't mind it). He's kind of geeky. It seems that we have different senses of humor -- he's sent me some youtube videos that I didn't find humorous at all. One was offensive (waaaaaaay too much cussing) and one wasn't funny. I just... I don't know. Something is telling me to tread carefully and slowly with him. I'm in no hurry to begin a relationship. I know this. In fact, I have another month before I'm even "allowed" to be in a relationship. BTW, his name is Josh.
Another twist in the story of Josh? Well I received a facebook message from Emily a couple days ago. Emily is currently dating Patrick, one of my old neighbors at ECU. Emily cheated on Patrick (also had an abortion with this cheating), they broke up, but got back together. Anywho, Emily messaged me: "Hey Blair. Just have a quick question: how do you know Josh? He's my Ex-Fiance." Yeah. Talk about a twist in the road!
I asked him about it -- I was concerned that he was using me to get back at Emily. And he spoke with such dislike of Emily, and surprise that we knew each other, that I don't think it was plotted. But definitely an interesting twist.
On another note, I'm a bit confused about another guy. I just met him, and we had some great laughs. He's got some issues, but I kind of got the vibe that he was into me. He messaged me his number, then texted me and told me that he was quitting smoking because of me (I asked him why he smoked and he said he didn't know so decided to quit). And we've been chatting on and off for a few days now. So yeah... Not really sure where (or if) that one's going.
It all reverts back to this: If he's (either one of them) interested, he'll make it happen. Otherwise, don't give him the time of day.
It'll be interesting to see how things turn out! I will just say that none of this was expected, and once again life has taken me some interesting places. No telling where I'm going or what's coming next.
Another twist in the story of Josh? Well I received a facebook message from Emily a couple days ago. Emily is currently dating Patrick, one of my old neighbors at ECU. Emily cheated on Patrick (also had an abortion with this cheating), they broke up, but got back together. Anywho, Emily messaged me: "Hey Blair. Just have a quick question: how do you know Josh? He's my Ex-Fiance." Yeah. Talk about a twist in the road!
I asked him about it -- I was concerned that he was using me to get back at Emily. And he spoke with such dislike of Emily, and surprise that we knew each other, that I don't think it was plotted. But definitely an interesting twist.
On another note, I'm a bit confused about another guy. I just met him, and we had some great laughs. He's got some issues, but I kind of got the vibe that he was into me. He messaged me his number, then texted me and told me that he was quitting smoking because of me (I asked him why he smoked and he said he didn't know so decided to quit). And we've been chatting on and off for a few days now. So yeah... Not really sure where (or if) that one's going.
It all reverts back to this: If he's (either one of them) interested, he'll make it happen. Otherwise, don't give him the time of day.
It'll be interesting to see how things turn out! I will just say that none of this was expected, and once again life has taken me some interesting places. No telling where I'm going or what's coming next.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Omg... REALLY???
My life is seriously the most random series of events and experiences ever. Things just always seem to just fall into place (internship, New Bern, ECU, etc) and happen. And the road has been quite an adventure! One that has been fulfilling and rewarding so far.
But the newest random occurrence? Not even I could make this up.
I logged into facebook two days ago, and had a friend request from a guy named Josh. I couldn't remember this guy based on his name. So I went to his profile -- and we had no friends in common. "Odd," I thought. So I decided to shoot him a message: "Hey Josh. You sent me a friend request, but I can't place you...
:( Care to refresh my memory on how we know eachother? Haha. No worries if it was a mistake, just not sure who you are. :) "
And here's how it went from there...
J: We don't know each other, I just figured I know the ECU very well, and I just decided to search for randoms, and honestly your the only one I added. I had intentions of of talking to you and figured if you didn't want to, then awesome, and if you did want to talk, then awesome as well.
So I'm not offended if you don't know me, but I figured what the heck when I sent it to you.
(5 mins later) J: Without sugar coating it I thought you were pretty and I was hoping to get to know you.
Like I said... I could not make this up. Only in my life would a completely random person who lives 2 hours away from me use facebook as a dating site. And yes, we have been corresponding. And yes, my interest is piqued. And yes, he asked to meet up for coffee. And yes, I have accepted the invitation (he's on leave and won't be back until the 15th though). And yes, I'm violating my anti-military dating rule by entertaining the idea of an Army guy. LoL. ::shaking head::
I'm really asking for trouble, aren't I?
But be proud -- he's a bit of a nerd, so maybe he won't be such an ass hole (unlike everyother military hottie I've dated -- yes, I'm proud to say my military guys have been hotties :-p). I don't know. I just don't know. I mean... Really?? Is this really happening?? Of course it is, because it's my life. And only in my life would this happen. :-p
But at least you can get some good entertainment out of it. Hahaha.
But the newest random occurrence? Not even I could make this up.
I logged into facebook two days ago, and had a friend request from a guy named Josh. I couldn't remember this guy based on his name. So I went to his profile -- and we had no friends in common. "Odd," I thought. So I decided to shoot him a message: "Hey Josh. You sent me a friend request, but I can't place you...
:( Care to refresh my memory on how we know eachother? Haha. No worries if it was a mistake, just not sure who you are. :) "
And here's how it went from there...
J: We don't know each other, I just figured I know the ECU very well, and I just decided to search for randoms, and honestly your the only one I added. I had intentions of of talking to you and figured if you didn't want to, then awesome, and if you did want to talk, then awesome as well.
So I'm not offended if you don't know me, but I figured what the heck when I sent it to you.
(5 mins later) J: Without sugar coating it I thought you were pretty and I was hoping to get to know you.
Like I said... I could not make this up. Only in my life would a completely random person who lives 2 hours away from me use facebook as a dating site. And yes, we have been corresponding. And yes, my interest is piqued. And yes, he asked to meet up for coffee. And yes, I have accepted the invitation (he's on leave and won't be back until the 15th though). And yes, I'm violating my anti-military dating rule by entertaining the idea of an Army guy. LoL. ::shaking head::
I'm really asking for trouble, aren't I?
But be proud -- he's a bit of a nerd, so maybe he won't be such an ass hole (unlike everyother military hottie I've dated -- yes, I'm proud to say my military guys have been hotties :-p). I don't know. I just don't know. I mean... Really?? Is this really happening?? Of course it is, because it's my life. And only in my life would this happen. :-p
But at least you can get some good entertainment out of it. Hahaha.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The Most Delicious Tuna Salad You'll Ever Have
I love this recipe. It's part from a health magazine, part improvised from me! :) Make it, taste it, and you'll fall in love!!! :) :)
INGREDIENTS
-1 small can chunk albacore tuna in water (drain)
-2 teaspoons mayo (use Hellman's Light! or Miracle Whip)
-1 tablespoon sliced almonds
-1 tablespoon craisins
-1-2 tablespoons chopped green/bell pepper
-Garlic Powder
-Parsley flakes
Mix tuna, mayo, almonds, craisins, and green pepper. Add 2-3 pinches of the garlic powder. Add 4-5 shakes of the parsley flakes. Mix well to make sure the garlic powder is evenly distributed.
Put on wheat bread with sliced tomatoes, a bunch of lettuce, and three thin slices of mild cheddar cheese (don't use processed american cheese -- that will totally ruin the flavor!!!).
This recipe is great -- it gives you crunch (almonds and green pepper), a burst of sweet/fruity (craisins), some salt (garlic powder), and omega-3's (tuna). Be sure you load up on the tomatoes and lettuce to qualify for a serving of vegetables. That plus the green pepper will give you the vegetables needed for this meal.
INGREDIENTS
-1 small can chunk albacore tuna in water (drain)
-2 teaspoons mayo (use Hellman's Light! or Miracle Whip)
-1 tablespoon sliced almonds
-1 tablespoon craisins
-1-2 tablespoons chopped green/bell pepper
-Garlic Powder
-Parsley flakes
Mix tuna, mayo, almonds, craisins, and green pepper. Add 2-3 pinches of the garlic powder. Add 4-5 shakes of the parsley flakes. Mix well to make sure the garlic powder is evenly distributed.
Put on wheat bread with sliced tomatoes, a bunch of lettuce, and three thin slices of mild cheddar cheese (don't use processed american cheese -- that will totally ruin the flavor!!!).
This recipe is great -- it gives you crunch (almonds and green pepper), a burst of sweet/fruity (craisins), some salt (garlic powder), and omega-3's (tuna). Be sure you load up on the tomatoes and lettuce to qualify for a serving of vegetables. That plus the green pepper will give you the vegetables needed for this meal.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Calculate it Out
Getting paid is always exciting. You feel like you've accomplished something, and that you're less trapped by the lack of money. There's the brimming of possibilities -- what to buy??? But for me, there's mostly anxiety -- how can I best and most responsibly spend this money? Where will it be best put to use?
Do I use this money to pay another $100 off the credit card bill? On top of the $340 I've paid this month? Will these weekly payments lower my credit score? Is it better to do one large payment a month or several smaller payments? If I do one large payment, will I be disciplined enough to save instead of spend the money that comes in?
Do I use this money to pay my electric bill (about $100), even though I've asked Dad for the money for the bill?
My thinking has changed from spend spend spend; buy buy buy to think carefully about how this money can best be used. What a difference a word makes: spend versus use.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I want to take control of my finances. I want to make smart, responsible, and mature decisions that will help me out in life and get me further.
Here's a great tool that you can use to examine your credit card debt a little closer:
http://cgi.money.cnn.com/tools/debtplanner/debtplanner.jsp
It lets you see how long you'll be in debt, how much you have to pay, etc.
This little article ( http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9/index.htm ) gives some great information on Debt, managing money, and everything in between! It's your personal finance college course boiled down to an easy to read article (without all the calculations!).
So based on the calculator, if I make $500 payments, I'll be with a $0 balance in 7 months!! Woot woot!! :) :) This is something I know I can achieve for 2 months (the payment), and something I'll be aiming for in the Spring once school starts. Having a manageable credit card balance is a major goal for me right now.
Eek. I need to get to bed... Hope this information was useful for you like it was for me! :)
Do I use this money to pay another $100 off the credit card bill? On top of the $340 I've paid this month? Will these weekly payments lower my credit score? Is it better to do one large payment a month or several smaller payments? If I do one large payment, will I be disciplined enough to save instead of spend the money that comes in?
Do I use this money to pay my electric bill (about $100), even though I've asked Dad for the money for the bill?
My thinking has changed from spend spend spend; buy buy buy to think carefully about how this money can best be used. What a difference a word makes: spend versus use.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again: I want to take control of my finances. I want to make smart, responsible, and mature decisions that will help me out in life and get me further.
Here's a great tool that you can use to examine your credit card debt a little closer:
http://cgi.money.cnn.com/tools/debtplanner/debtplanner.jsp
It lets you see how long you'll be in debt, how much you have to pay, etc.
This little article ( http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9/index.htm ) gives some great information on Debt, managing money, and everything in between! It's your personal finance college course boiled down to an easy to read article (without all the calculations!).
So based on the calculator, if I make $500 payments, I'll be with a $0 balance in 7 months!! Woot woot!! :) :) This is something I know I can achieve for 2 months (the payment), and something I'll be aiming for in the Spring once school starts. Having a manageable credit card balance is a major goal for me right now.
Eek. I need to get to bed... Hope this information was useful for you like it was for me! :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Financial Health
Attaining financial health feels so unattainable for me. I'm so far behind. In debt ($3K). In spending (its gone before I make it). I am in over my head.
They say to start small -- make minimum payments on credit cards, make budgets (and stick to them), etc. And I'm trying to start small. I have a plan for November -- a budget written out that after close inspection, I can't deviate from. It's going to be cutting it close as it is. Really close.
And to top it all off, I'm pretty sure I just overdrafted my bank account today by making a large ($300 large) credit card payment -- I didn't realize there were a couple of things still floating that hadn't been taken into account in my checking.
I really just need to get rid of the debit cards. They're convenient. But they're more trouble. It may be time to revert back to the old checks. And I need to stop using the credit card! If I don't have the money, I shouldn't be buying it.
So it's up early tomorrow to withdraw money from one bank to put into another bank to prevent (hopefully) overdraft fees. ::sigh::
And so slips away more of my meager savings.
Yes, time to remove the debit cards from use.
They say to start small -- make minimum payments on credit cards, make budgets (and stick to them), etc. And I'm trying to start small. I have a plan for November -- a budget written out that after close inspection, I can't deviate from. It's going to be cutting it close as it is. Really close.
And to top it all off, I'm pretty sure I just overdrafted my bank account today by making a large ($300 large) credit card payment -- I didn't realize there were a couple of things still floating that hadn't been taken into account in my checking.
I really just need to get rid of the debit cards. They're convenient. But they're more trouble. It may be time to revert back to the old checks. And I need to stop using the credit card! If I don't have the money, I shouldn't be buying it.
So it's up early tomorrow to withdraw money from one bank to put into another bank to prevent (hopefully) overdraft fees. ::sigh::
And so slips away more of my meager savings.
Yes, time to remove the debit cards from use.
Homemade Vegetable Soup
Vegetable soup is one of my all time favorite dishes/meals. I eat it all the time -- when it's cold, when I'm too lazy to cook a real meal, or when I'm sick. And my Mom made the best homemade vegetable soup -- we always got so excited as kids when she made a big pot! And so I called Mom the other week and asked for the recipe! :)
One of the biggest advantages to making homemade soup is that you can make it (and you can only make huge portions -- there's no such thing as a small soup recipe lol) and then freeze whatever is left over!! So you'll have meals for ages. :)
It's low calorie, heart healthy, it has tons of vegetables (which as Americans we don't get enough of), and it's so easy to make!! :)
I made my soup in a croc pot, but Mom's recipe calls for the use of a dutch oven.
INGREDIENTS
Package Stew Beef (get the leanest cuts you can! Venison or Bison would be great choices as well)
Beef Bullion Cube
Rosemary
Thyme
Basil
Onion
Carrots
Frozen Vegetables of choice: peas, lima beans, corn, green beans, etc
2 cans whole, peeled tomatoes
2 small cans tomato sauce
*or for thicker broth, 1 small can tomato sauce and 1 can tomato paste
STEPS
1. Place Stew Beef in dutch oven. Cover with just enough water to come to the top of the meat. Brown meat by boiling.
2. While meat is cooking, chop up onion and carrots
3. Once meat is done, place onion, carrots, potatoes (if desired), frozen vegetables, whole tomatoes, tomato sauce, and (if chosen) tomato paste in the pot. Stir
4. Add 1 beef bullion cube. Add other spices to season to taste.
5. Let simmer for a couple of hours on medium heat.
6. Eat and enjoy!! :)
Depending on your seasonings, a cup of homemade beef vegetable soup will run you about 150 calories. So like I said, a great, healthy meal that's cheap, easy, long lasting, delicious, and filling!! How could you pass it up??
One of the biggest advantages to making homemade soup is that you can make it (and you can only make huge portions -- there's no such thing as a small soup recipe lol) and then freeze whatever is left over!! So you'll have meals for ages. :)
It's low calorie, heart healthy, it has tons of vegetables (which as Americans we don't get enough of), and it's so easy to make!! :)
I made my soup in a croc pot, but Mom's recipe calls for the use of a dutch oven.
INGREDIENTS
Package Stew Beef (get the leanest cuts you can! Venison or Bison would be great choices as well)
Beef Bullion Cube
Rosemary
Thyme
Basil
Onion
Carrots
Frozen Vegetables of choice: peas, lima beans, corn, green beans, etc
2 cans whole, peeled tomatoes
2 small cans tomato sauce
*or for thicker broth, 1 small can tomato sauce and 1 can tomato paste
STEPS
1. Place Stew Beef in dutch oven. Cover with just enough water to come to the top of the meat. Brown meat by boiling.
2. While meat is cooking, chop up onion and carrots
3. Once meat is done, place onion, carrots, potatoes (if desired), frozen vegetables, whole tomatoes, tomato sauce, and (if chosen) tomato paste in the pot. Stir
4. Add 1 beef bullion cube. Add other spices to season to taste.
5. Let simmer for a couple of hours on medium heat.
6. Eat and enjoy!! :)
Depending on your seasonings, a cup of homemade beef vegetable soup will run you about 150 calories. So like I said, a great, healthy meal that's cheap, easy, long lasting, delicious, and filling!! How could you pass it up??
Monday, October 25, 2010
Cleeeeeean
Clean eating is a phenomenon that is taking over American trend eating. There's no need to do South Beach or Atkins or Jenny Craig. Instead, all you have to do is eat clean.
Clean eating is all about using ingredients in their rawest form -- nothing processed, pre-made, or canned. Want chicken nuggets? Don't go running to the frozen nuggets. MAKE them using healthy ingredients!
Clean eating is a lifestyle. It is not a diet (however if done properly, it will most likely lead to weightloss). It's about apprecaiting food and its flavors the way God meant us to taste them.
Clean eating doesn't come without its challenges -- it means throwing away the processed foods that we Americans have come to depend on and love. But with time, dedication, and patience, it's totally achievable!! And it's my newest thing.
Interested? Google "Clean Eating" and you'll get a TON of results. Including a magazine!!! (a subscription is totally on my Christmas wish list)
http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/minisite/ce_index.htm
And if you read the recipes, you'll find yourself salivating. I know I did! They're all fairly simple recipies that will make you look like a sophisticated, healthy cook! I can't wait to dive in!!! :) :)
Clean eating is all about using ingredients in their rawest form -- nothing processed, pre-made, or canned. Want chicken nuggets? Don't go running to the frozen nuggets. MAKE them using healthy ingredients!
Clean eating is a lifestyle. It is not a diet (however if done properly, it will most likely lead to weightloss). It's about apprecaiting food and its flavors the way God meant us to taste them.
Clean eating doesn't come without its challenges -- it means throwing away the processed foods that we Americans have come to depend on and love. But with time, dedication, and patience, it's totally achievable!! And it's my newest thing.
Interested? Google "Clean Eating" and you'll get a TON of results. Including a magazine!!! (a subscription is totally on my Christmas wish list)
http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/minisite/ce_index.htm
And if you read the recipes, you'll find yourself salivating. I know I did! They're all fairly simple recipies that will make you look like a sophisticated, healthy cook! I can't wait to dive in!!! :) :)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The New Living Room! :) :)
ignore the mess on the floor on the right... and in the bathroom door...
LOVE this corner!!! :) :) :)
Love the matching/mis-matched pillows that bring out the blues of the print and the browns of the couch legs and coffee/end tables! I feel like a design MASTER! hahaha (yes, that's a Christmas present in progress on the couch! What can I say? I'm a crafty girl :-p)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Decorate!
Ohhhhhhhhhh my gosh. :) :) :) :) :)
So I came to Greensboro this weekend to visit my sister and see my BFF Suja, and today (my first full day here), oh lordy... We went shopping. hahaha. Put Blair in a big town with a TON of stores after she's been living in small town USA for 5 months, and she's going to go a little crazy.
And crazy I went!! We went to Michael's (where I got new crochet hooks and yarn, as well as a poster for above my couch), Wal Mart (where I found some more scented wax to melt and some dried grass to put in a vase which I also found at Wal Mart), Garden Ridge (where I found wall sconces, a turtle candle holder, pillows for my couch which are super cute, and an end table -- I don't have any right now), Big Lots (where I purchased blank canvases to paint on for my bedroom since there's no decor in there either), and a Consignment clothing store where I found a pair of Seven's jeans for $15!!!! I spent a bunch of money, but I am so excited to have things to finally finish decorating my living room!!! I can't wait to drive home and put it all together.
Still need to go back to Wal Mart to get a frame for my poster, but I'm pretty well ready to go decorate! :) :)
So I came to Greensboro this weekend to visit my sister and see my BFF Suja, and today (my first full day here), oh lordy... We went shopping. hahaha. Put Blair in a big town with a TON of stores after she's been living in small town USA for 5 months, and she's going to go a little crazy.
And crazy I went!! We went to Michael's (where I got new crochet hooks and yarn, as well as a poster for above my couch), Wal Mart (where I found some more scented wax to melt and some dried grass to put in a vase which I also found at Wal Mart), Garden Ridge (where I found wall sconces, a turtle candle holder, pillows for my couch which are super cute, and an end table -- I don't have any right now), Big Lots (where I purchased blank canvases to paint on for my bedroom since there's no decor in there either), and a Consignment clothing store where I found a pair of Seven's jeans for $15!!!! I spent a bunch of money, but I am so excited to have things to finally finish decorating my living room!!! I can't wait to drive home and put it all together.
Still need to go back to Wal Mart to get a frame for my poster, but I'm pretty well ready to go decorate! :) :)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Job 9:10 -- Evasive Almighty and Hogwarts
This piece of scripture is so relevant today. As a society, we have become so caught up in ourselves, in sin, and in everything that we shouldn't be caught up in that we have forgotten how to see God.
This could be blasphemous, but it reminds me of the concept of Hogwarts (yes, as in Harry Potter). Hogwarts and all of the magical world can't be seen by Muggles (non-magical folks, or here we can substitute for non-Christians). When Harry asks why they can't see it, Hagrid replies: "Because they've forgotten how." Granted, there are also spells cast to protect the magical world, but it still fits to this passage. Hogwarts is only seen as an old, decrepit castle by passing muggles, when those who have the special talents see the castle for its magnificence.
This is kind of what Christianity is like. Many people can't see the awesome power, beauty, and rewards that are offered by God. They can't see him.
Even those who are believers can miss God when he speaks or passes by.
We can be so caught up looking for epic signs of guidance, that we overlook the ones He sends us! That's precisely why it's so important to live simply; to filter out the white noise and judgements so that beyond the ivy covered bricks, you can see the beauty of the castle that's there!
This could be blasphemous, but it reminds me of the concept of Hogwarts (yes, as in Harry Potter). Hogwarts and all of the magical world can't be seen by Muggles (non-magical folks, or here we can substitute for non-Christians). When Harry asks why they can't see it, Hagrid replies: "Because they've forgotten how." Granted, there are also spells cast to protect the magical world, but it still fits to this passage. Hogwarts is only seen as an old, decrepit castle by passing muggles, when those who have the special talents see the castle for its magnificence.
This is kind of what Christianity is like. Many people can't see the awesome power, beauty, and rewards that are offered by God. They can't see him.
Even those who are believers can miss God when he speaks or passes by.
We can be so caught up looking for epic signs of guidance, that we overlook the ones He sends us! That's precisely why it's so important to live simply; to filter out the white noise and judgements so that beyond the ivy covered bricks, you can see the beauty of the castle that's there!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Weight Loss
Managing ones weight is something that most people struggle with -- dealing with the portion sizes, cravings, the constant influx of crap food. Crap food -- food that is loaded with carbohydrates, fat, sugars, and sodium. Crap food -- food that is entirely too easibly accessible. The McDonalds, Chick-fil-A's, Cici's Pizza's. The doritoz, boxed meals, biscuits and gravy.
Do you struggle with managing your weight? Go to this website to calculate your BMI and see if you need to be worried about your weight and to see wehre you fall.
Managing ones weight is something that I struggle with as well.
I had a horrible food day today. The cravings and accessibility and MSG got to me again. Cici's Pizza got to me. Ugh. I literally ate 1,639 from one to go meal from Cici's. That's not counting the salad I had from CiCi's (which wasn't bad calorie wise). Had I not eaten the items other than the salad at CiCi's, I would be at 1047 calories for the day. That's including a lean cuisine, pudding dessert, some indian corn, apple, and walnuts for dinner and evening snack!!
Do you realize what you're putting in your body?? The crazy amount of calories, fat, sodium, and sugars you're consuming???
If you don't and you're even partly aware of how negative the effects of obesity are, you need to educate yourself. There are countless sources of information -- some good, some bad. But if you need to become more aware of your food intake, I highly highly HIGHLY recommend that you begin a food diary.
There are many ways that you can keep a food log. You can get a cute notebook, a little notebook to fit in your pocket/purse. Or you can use a fantastic free tool that is available to anyone --- Livestrong.com. All you do is register, and you can enter everything you eat and when you eat it. It adds up your calories, fat, fiber, sugar, and sodium to help you track your nutritional intake. It also has a coordinating tool that lets you log the exercise that you do. It calculates those calories and helps you see the caloric balance.
When it comes to weight loss, it's important that you consume enough calories for your body's needs. These need to be good calories, however. That give you the vitamins and minerals and basic needs. To calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate, go to this website. If you choose to diet, you should NOT go below this amount!!
Weight loss is all about caloric balance -- balancing the amount you take in (food) with the amount that you burn away (exercise). When this balance is negative (the exercise outweighs the food), you should be in weightloss. When this balance is positive (the food outweighs the exercise), you will be looking at weight gain.
However, it's not as simple as stopping eating. Like I said before, you have to eat. If you do not eat (balanced, healthy meals), your body goes into starvation mode. It begins to eat itself -- and I'm not just talking about fat. Your body will go after your muscles first because it's high in protein and nutrients that it needs. And when you starve yourself, everything that you do consume (healthy or not) is converted to storage (fat). So you have to eat!!! The key is eating balanced, healthy meals that are lower in calories, fat, sodium, and sugar.
This is certainly no easy task. But it's not impossible. Start with a food diary. Don't try to change your habits the first couple of days, and then look back on what you wrote down (write everything down -- you'll be the only one who sees it anyway!). Did you get the recommended servings of fruit and vegetables? How much of what you ate was convenience food (fast food)? How much was pre-packaged (typically loaded with sodiums and sugars)? What were you drinking? Water? Tea laced with sugar? Soda? Alcohol?
Then ask yourself some questions -- how can you start making some changes? Can you make homemade potato chips in the microwave instead of pre-packaged fake chips? Can you substitute carrots for chips to get that same crunch factor? Can you trade in soda for diet soda, or even better for water? Can you switch out the pork and hamburger for turkey and fish? How can you get more fruits and vegetables in your diet??
Diet is crucial to weight loss.
But so is exercise.
Here's a butt kicking workout you could try:
Elliptical: 10 minutes, resistance 10
Tabata Elliptical: resistance 12+ (google "Tabata" for more info)
Elliptical: 10 minutes, resistance 10
Circuit:
This workout will kick your butt!!! It will burn some serious calories, and leave you feeling deliciously sore. If you're new to exercise, you may hate this soreness. But if you've been exercising for any length of time, you know how much you look forward to that feeling. I love the soreness. Yes, it's like that song "I get off on the pain"
Hope those were some good tools! :)
I'll be posting more on this topic as time continues on.
Do you struggle with managing your weight? Go to this website to calculate your BMI and see if you need to be worried about your weight and to see wehre you fall.
Managing ones weight is something that I struggle with as well.
I had a horrible food day today. The cravings and accessibility and MSG got to me again. Cici's Pizza got to me. Ugh. I literally ate 1,639 from one to go meal from Cici's. That's not counting the salad I had from CiCi's (which wasn't bad calorie wise). Had I not eaten the items other than the salad at CiCi's, I would be at 1047 calories for the day. That's including a lean cuisine, pudding dessert, some indian corn, apple, and walnuts for dinner and evening snack!!
Do you realize what you're putting in your body?? The crazy amount of calories, fat, sodium, and sugars you're consuming???
If you don't and you're even partly aware of how negative the effects of obesity are, you need to educate yourself. There are countless sources of information -- some good, some bad. But if you need to become more aware of your food intake, I highly highly HIGHLY recommend that you begin a food diary.
There are many ways that you can keep a food log. You can get a cute notebook, a little notebook to fit in your pocket/purse. Or you can use a fantastic free tool that is available to anyone --- Livestrong.com. All you do is register, and you can enter everything you eat and when you eat it. It adds up your calories, fat, fiber, sugar, and sodium to help you track your nutritional intake. It also has a coordinating tool that lets you log the exercise that you do. It calculates those calories and helps you see the caloric balance.
When it comes to weight loss, it's important that you consume enough calories for your body's needs. These need to be good calories, however. That give you the vitamins and minerals and basic needs. To calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate, go to this website. If you choose to diet, you should NOT go below this amount!!
Weight loss is all about caloric balance -- balancing the amount you take in (food) with the amount that you burn away (exercise). When this balance is negative (the exercise outweighs the food), you should be in weightloss. When this balance is positive (the food outweighs the exercise), you will be looking at weight gain.
However, it's not as simple as stopping eating. Like I said before, you have to eat. If you do not eat (balanced, healthy meals), your body goes into starvation mode. It begins to eat itself -- and I'm not just talking about fat. Your body will go after your muscles first because it's high in protein and nutrients that it needs. And when you starve yourself, everything that you do consume (healthy or not) is converted to storage (fat). So you have to eat!!! The key is eating balanced, healthy meals that are lower in calories, fat, sodium, and sugar.
This is certainly no easy task. But it's not impossible. Start with a food diary. Don't try to change your habits the first couple of days, and then look back on what you wrote down (write everything down -- you'll be the only one who sees it anyway!). Did you get the recommended servings of fruit and vegetables? How much of what you ate was convenience food (fast food)? How much was pre-packaged (typically loaded with sodiums and sugars)? What were you drinking? Water? Tea laced with sugar? Soda? Alcohol?
Then ask yourself some questions -- how can you start making some changes? Can you make homemade potato chips in the microwave instead of pre-packaged fake chips? Can you substitute carrots for chips to get that same crunch factor? Can you trade in soda for diet soda, or even better for water? Can you switch out the pork and hamburger for turkey and fish? How can you get more fruits and vegetables in your diet??
Diet is crucial to weight loss.
But so is exercise.
Here's a butt kicking workout you could try:
Elliptical: 10 minutes, resistance 10
Tabata Elliptical: resistance 12+ (google "Tabata" for more info)
Elliptical: 10 minutes, resistance 10
Circuit:
- Suicide
- 20 pushups
- 20 lunges
- 20 squats
- Military Crawl or Inch Worm across basketball court
- 20 full sit ups (no cheating!!!)
- High knee run across basketball court
- 4 laps around basketball court
- Repeat at least 3 more times for a total of 4 rounds
This workout will kick your butt!!! It will burn some serious calories, and leave you feeling deliciously sore. If you're new to exercise, you may hate this soreness. But if you've been exercising for any length of time, you know how much you look forward to that feeling. I love the soreness. Yes, it's like that song "I get off on the pain"
Hope those were some good tools! :)
I'll be posting more on this topic as time continues on.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Quotes from "The Alchemist"
I'm now reading The Alchemist in my spare time. My Sunday school class is doing a group read of The Wild Goose Chase. And it's funny how they are so similar -- talking about wild adventures and never knowing where you'll be! Here are some quotes in my reading tonight...
"You dream about your sheep and the Pyramids, but you're different from me, because you want to realie your dreams. I just want to dream about Mecca."
"But the sheep had taught him something even more important: that there was a language in the owrld that everyone understood, a language the boy had used throughout the time that he was trying to improve things at the shop. It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of a search for something believed in and desired."
"I know why I want to get back to my flock, he thought. I understand sheep; they're no longer a problem, and they can be good friends. On the other hand, I don't know if the desert can be a friend, and it's in the desert that I have to search for my treasure. If I don't find it, I can always go home."
"Making a deicsion was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that willl carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
"You dream about your sheep and the Pyramids, but you're different from me, because you want to realie your dreams. I just want to dream about Mecca."
"But the sheep had taught him something even more important: that there was a language in the owrld that everyone understood, a language the boy had used throughout the time that he was trying to improve things at the shop. It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of a search for something believed in and desired."
"I know why I want to get back to my flock, he thought. I understand sheep; they're no longer a problem, and they can be good friends. On the other hand, I don't know if the desert can be a friend, and it's in the desert that I have to search for my treasure. If I don't find it, I can always go home."
"Making a deicsion was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that willl carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
Full to Bust
Ever get that feeling in your stomach -- it's kind of knotted up, the tips of your index finger tingles, the air feels fresh against the skin of your arms, and even the crickets chirping outside the open window gleans an air of intense feeling? It's a combination of excitement, nervousness, curiosity, adrenaline, and newness. I don't know what this unknown is. I don't know what's causing it. But it's here. It's set up camp in my body, and it's not going anywhere. As if I know I'm about to pull up to a cliff, where the road drops off without warning and will take me somewhere completely different. Even my horoscope for today speaks about this! "Perhaps you've been impatiently waiting for the moment to jump into new adventures after your meditation during the last few months. Know that the moment has almost arrived! You now have the strategy, objective, and means at your disposal to succeed. Just a bit more work remains to be done. Gather your strength and ge...t ready to take action with renewed vigor."
What will the new adventure be? The new direction? The new path? Is it a person? A decision? A literal trip to somewhere? A hobby? A thing? A song? A book? What is it coming my way that will change everything?
I'm full to bust about all this. I'm so excited! I'm so ready for an adventure!! For a rush of everything that comes with an adventure.
What will the new adventure be? The new direction? The new path? Is it a person? A decision? A literal trip to somewhere? A hobby? A thing? A song? A book? What is it coming my way that will change everything?
I'm full to bust about all this. I'm so excited! I'm so ready for an adventure!! For a rush of everything that comes with an adventure.
What the Hell was That?
Yesterday was point blank out of control. Seriously. ECU played in-state rival NC State at ECU (my alma mater) yesterday, and I was lucky enough to score a ticket! So I drove up to ECU yesterday morning for a full day of Greenville.
I hadn't really been to Greenville since I moved out in May, and it felt odd to be back as an alumni. It had been so long that I had forgotten what Pirate Nation was like on gameday -- and Lord let me tell you it was awesome to be back!
I went to Heather's first to stop in at the fraternity tailgate. I got there at 10am, and let's just say that it was pretty dead. There were maybe 10 people there -- none of whom I was really friends with -- and it was a good .75 mile from the stadium. So after a bit Stacey and I began migrating. We stopped at the bottom of college hill to say hey to Megan, then walked up the Hill and I stopped and said hey to John, his brother, and one of my old bosses. Then it was off to the game!
The game was NUTS! ECU hasn't been very good this season, and NC State has been very good this season. So I was prepared for a total shellacking! But we led State 21-0 through three quarters -- it took them til the 4th quarter to catch up with us, and long story short -- the game went into overtime, and we won by intercepting the ball!! I couldn't believe how well we played!!!!! And it was awesome to be a part of the 50,000+ Pirate Nation in the stands that day. Definitely the right game for me to go to!
After the game I went with Kelley and her Parents to UBE, then met up with some fraternity brothers for dinner at my favorite mexican resturant Mi Cabana.
I attempted to hang out with John after dinner, but he was a total flake. I went to his apartment and waited for him to show up, and when he did, he was like "Oh, I'm going to the House to drink." Gee thanks John. So I felt like a total loser for calling Stacey and Heather up and asking if I could get ready at their place.
But then it was off to a "Highlighter Blacklight Party" with the fraternity. Lord, let me tell you -- that is not my crowd anymore. I was not entertained in the slightest. Thankfully JC had similar opinions, so he and I just kind of hung out on the bar stools while the fraternity ran around getting as drunk as they could as fast as they could. I don't know... It all just felt so juvenille and stupid. I'm not trying to be all "Holy-er than thou" or whatever, but seriously. I just felt so old and mature at this party.
Now I have to back track a little for this next piece of the story. Back when I lived in Greenville, we had some neighbors who we partied with and had a good time with (and slept with on occasion lol). Well one of the neighbors was Josh -- a super nice guy (who I never slept with btw). A couple days ago he randomly messaged me through facebook to come hang out at dinner. I had to work that night, but told him that I'd be in town Saturday for the game and I'd get up with him then. Well before dinner on Saturday, I messaged him back (thank God for my blackberry!) and asked him what was going on that night and all that. He said to come hang out at the pig pickin they had, but I declined in favor of Mi Cabana (hey -- it's my favorite resturant in all of Greenville! Don't judge me :-p), but said that if they were heading down town later that night, to let me know where they ended up and I might come hang. One more detail: there was a lot of "sweetie"s and "baby doll"s in the texts he sent me.
SO now that you're all caught up... LoL. So at the Highlighter Party, he texts me and is like "We're at Live. Come kick it" So I tell him I'm planning on heading over there at 11pm. I end up getting there are 11:30, and let me tell you -- Live is a pretty cool place. So I walk up to the bar and say hey and get a beer, and turn around, and Meghan's there (one of their friends who we'd hang and party with back in Greenville)! It was so good to see her! But like 20 minutes after I get there, the rest of his gang is ready to go. So I teasingly say "What? I paid $6 for 20 minutes?" Long story short -- he ended up staying! We had a couple more beers, got caught up with eachother, had some pretty in depth conversations... It was really nice to hang out with a guy who isn't a total tool bag!
But I swear, I couldn't figure out if he was flirting with/gunning me or not!! There was some light touches to the waist and shoulder, there was all the "sweetie"s in the texts. He stayed after his friends left (and all his friends gave him the 'Yeah man, get it!!' look). He wanted to go see the stadium and run the field and lay down and look at the stars (it was locked up so we just looked through the gates). And he offered for me to spend the night at his friends place since it was so late (he said he'd sleep on the floor??). When he offered that, I teasingly said "AKA you mean 'Blair, do you want to come sleep with me?'" and he just kinda laughed as if he'd been caught. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? Was he just being a nice guy since it was so late or was he flirting with/gunning me? Ugh.
I like Josh. He's a super nice guy. I just have no idea... I think I'm over thinking and over hoping. It was just friends. Otherwise he'd have kissed me or something. As the movie says -- "He's just not that into you." Yeah. It was just friends. :) And let me tell you -- I am okay with that!! He's a friend I'd like to have for a while.
I hadn't really been to Greenville since I moved out in May, and it felt odd to be back as an alumni. It had been so long that I had forgotten what Pirate Nation was like on gameday -- and Lord let me tell you it was awesome to be back!
I went to Heather's first to stop in at the fraternity tailgate. I got there at 10am, and let's just say that it was pretty dead. There were maybe 10 people there -- none of whom I was really friends with -- and it was a good .75 mile from the stadium. So after a bit Stacey and I began migrating. We stopped at the bottom of college hill to say hey to Megan, then walked up the Hill and I stopped and said hey to John, his brother, and one of my old bosses. Then it was off to the game!
The game was NUTS! ECU hasn't been very good this season, and NC State has been very good this season. So I was prepared for a total shellacking! But we led State 21-0 through three quarters -- it took them til the 4th quarter to catch up with us, and long story short -- the game went into overtime, and we won by intercepting the ball!! I couldn't believe how well we played!!!!! And it was awesome to be a part of the 50,000+ Pirate Nation in the stands that day. Definitely the right game for me to go to!
After the game I went with Kelley and her Parents to UBE, then met up with some fraternity brothers for dinner at my favorite mexican resturant Mi Cabana.
I attempted to hang out with John after dinner, but he was a total flake. I went to his apartment and waited for him to show up, and when he did, he was like "Oh, I'm going to the House to drink." Gee thanks John. So I felt like a total loser for calling Stacey and Heather up and asking if I could get ready at their place.
But then it was off to a "Highlighter Blacklight Party" with the fraternity. Lord, let me tell you -- that is not my crowd anymore. I was not entertained in the slightest. Thankfully JC had similar opinions, so he and I just kind of hung out on the bar stools while the fraternity ran around getting as drunk as they could as fast as they could. I don't know... It all just felt so juvenille and stupid. I'm not trying to be all "Holy-er than thou" or whatever, but seriously. I just felt so old and mature at this party.
Now I have to back track a little for this next piece of the story. Back when I lived in Greenville, we had some neighbors who we partied with and had a good time with (and slept with on occasion lol). Well one of the neighbors was Josh -- a super nice guy (who I never slept with btw). A couple days ago he randomly messaged me through facebook to come hang out at dinner. I had to work that night, but told him that I'd be in town Saturday for the game and I'd get up with him then. Well before dinner on Saturday, I messaged him back (thank God for my blackberry!) and asked him what was going on that night and all that. He said to come hang out at the pig pickin they had, but I declined in favor of Mi Cabana (hey -- it's my favorite resturant in all of Greenville! Don't judge me :-p), but said that if they were heading down town later that night, to let me know where they ended up and I might come hang. One more detail: there was a lot of "sweetie"s and "baby doll"s in the texts he sent me.
SO now that you're all caught up... LoL. So at the Highlighter Party, he texts me and is like "We're at Live. Come kick it" So I tell him I'm planning on heading over there at 11pm. I end up getting there are 11:30, and let me tell you -- Live is a pretty cool place. So I walk up to the bar and say hey and get a beer, and turn around, and Meghan's there (one of their friends who we'd hang and party with back in Greenville)! It was so good to see her! But like 20 minutes after I get there, the rest of his gang is ready to go. So I teasingly say "What? I paid $6 for 20 minutes?" Long story short -- he ended up staying! We had a couple more beers, got caught up with eachother, had some pretty in depth conversations... It was really nice to hang out with a guy who isn't a total tool bag!
But I swear, I couldn't figure out if he was flirting with/gunning me or not!! There was some light touches to the waist and shoulder, there was all the "sweetie"s in the texts. He stayed after his friends left (and all his friends gave him the 'Yeah man, get it!!' look). He wanted to go see the stadium and run the field and lay down and look at the stars (it was locked up so we just looked through the gates). And he offered for me to spend the night at his friends place since it was so late (he said he'd sleep on the floor??). When he offered that, I teasingly said "AKA you mean 'Blair, do you want to come sleep with me?'" and he just kinda laughed as if he'd been caught. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? Was he just being a nice guy since it was so late or was he flirting with/gunning me? Ugh.
I like Josh. He's a super nice guy. I just have no idea... I think I'm over thinking and over hoping. It was just friends. Otherwise he'd have kissed me or something. As the movie says -- "He's just not that into you." Yeah. It was just friends. :) And let me tell you -- I am okay with that!! He's a friend I'd like to have for a while.
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