Big deep breath. BIG deep breath. I've been intentionally absent from my blog over the past season. Too much was happening. I was too emotional. I was feeling too many strong, passionate, furious things all at the same time and despite everything I was feeling, I felt a strong need to protect everyones privacy. Even though I felt as though my own individuality, rights, and heart had been violated by so many, I needed that time to process. I needed to insulate myself. And I did.
For the past three months, my life has been turned upside down. I feel like I've been living in a whirly gig. Everything has changed, yet has still stayed the same. I couldn't possibly be more cryptic, could I? Yet it's impossible for me to fully explain. And for the sake of those involved, I can't fully explain. Which doesn't help you at all. Sorry.
Just suffice it to say that nearly everyone who I hold closest has hurt me or caused me great concern/worry in different but very deep ways in the last few months. I've been put through the emotional wringer this summer.
And as per usual, I have put everyone else before me during this season. I think it was the appropriate choice at the time. But now that I'm finally coming up for air, I'm realizing just how much I've lost myself in the process. I'm realizing how my relationship with God has suffered (although he was often my only friend, ally, and support system). I'm realizing just how little I have been doing for myself and how little I have been prioritizing my own health and well being.
But waking up from such a coma this past week has been really nice. My only outlet was to work on a Harry Potter afghan, which I finished this weekend! And finishing that project has inspired me to do more with my life.
I stepped out in faith and joined an online bible study through Proverbs 31 Ministries. We're going to read Lysa Terkhurst's new book Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. Can we say APPROPRIATE?! FATE?! PERFECT?! We just started today, so I'm looking forward to how this will help me heal from this season. I've also been pleasantly surprised with the ladies in the group and how wonderful they've been just in the introduction phase. :)
With the encouragement from a fellow Harry Potter enthusiast from the OBS group, I have also decided to finally start participating in the Harry Potter Running Club. So I joined their facebook pages today and am looking forward to completing my first "race" this month!
And of course, I've re-dedicated myself to the gym after a two week "break" while I healed from an infected cyst in my arm pit (not a comfortable place that allows for continued workouts, by the way).
Last but not least, I have finally signed up for a beginners quilting course that will begin next week. A six week long course that will hopefully improve my confidence, widen my social horizons, and provide me with some useful quilting skills for future projects (whatever they may be).
So with these few things, I'm feeling better. I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling positive. And that is a really really nice change from the last few months.
