Well as you all know, I got my first tattoo Friday night. And I think I've decided that I want another one (believe I elaborated on this earlier). But what's news is that I think I've decided what I want.
As you may have read, I want a tattoo along the side of my left breast, where my underwire would lay. I knew I wanted a Bible verse, but I just wasn't quite sure which one I wanted (there are so many I love) until church this past weekend. Psalms 51.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Obviously I don't want the whole Psalm written, but I do want "Psalm 51". Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. :)
Will probably be a while before I get it done, but I've made my mind up! Woot!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
One Song to Share With Ya Tonight
Okay. I know this song is about how Corey Smith's life was changed by becoming a father. And I know that has nothing to do with me (read: I AM NOT PREGNANT). But there are some lyrics in this song I love, that speak to me and to where I am in life:
The Lord works in a strange way,
There ain't no doubt,
Man he's gonna make a [woman] of me,
He's gonna straighten me out somehow
The lord works in a strange way,
And Heaven knows,
He's planning on a miracle,
man I wonder how it's gonna go,
The lord works in a strange way
Man I never saw the changes comin' they caught me unaware
Yeah. Love this song. Granted I relate it to my life in ways different than becoming a parent, but this song is so true. He works in a strange way and He's gonna make a woman of me and straighten me out. He's planning on a miracle for me -- and will work my life out so that I will be where I need to be. I never expected to be where I am today, to feel how I feel or to think what I think (or to have a tattoo! haha). But the fact is, it all culminates into who I am -- and He has worked in me, and I hope He has worked through me (or will someday). I love my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, it's rough and tough, but through it there is grace and beauty and strength that can be drawn from it (the story behind the tattoo).
A Weekend?
ohhhhmyyyygoshhhhhh. I just realized that I have all of next weekend off from work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y'all. I. Can't. Even. Tell. You. The. Last. Time. This. Happened. I will literally have no idea what to do with myself. And on top of that -- I will be dog sitting (aka: out of the apartment and away from Mom)!!! Wooooot!!! :) :) :)
And what will I do with my time??? Aye!!!
I could...
-Finish the Cosmo and Shape Magazines
-Go to the beach!
-Go for a luxurious run with one of the pups
-Get up with Kat and see if she's up for starting some fishing lessons
-Catch up on homework (by then I'm sure I'll be swamped)
-Do nothing
And what will I do with my time??? Aye!!!
I could...
-Finish the Cosmo and Shape Magazines
-Go to the beach!
-Go for a luxurious run with one of the pups
-Get up with Kat and see if she's up for starting some fishing lessons
-Catch up on homework (by then I'm sure I'll be swamped)
-Do nothing
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Weekend :D & :-/ & :-z
It's nearly 10pm on a Sunday night, and I look back on my weekend to reflect, and the only way to describe it was that it was such a cacophony of experiences and emotions that ran the gamut. As weekends normally go, it went by too quickly, but I did so much this weekend that it also felt much longer than it was.
Friday was the last day of our "Spring Semester" which had been condensed into one intense month (see posts over the past month for more info here). It was a relief to have one semester done, and only three more to go! The last week was ridiculous (see video post), but I and my classmates survived -- so all is well that ends well. Another development (did I cover this in the video? Sorry if I did) was that the class elected me President. Not sure how I feel about it. There's a lot of developing to do, and managing so many personalities could be a struggle. But I'm looking forward to the challenge. :) I think we could accomplish some really great things as a class!!
Saturday was a very interesting day. I worked a few hours at Cato, then went to the Y to lay out by the pool, was invited to dinner at Emily's (I'm so happy for her -- her husband came back from a 9 month deployment about a week and a half ago, and she is so incredibly happy!!) new house (BEAUTIFUL. Wish I lived there!), then met up with Kat to go "out" in New Bern. Now... I have not ever been out in New Bern. We always go to Jacksonville. But some customers at Cato kept telling me about the night life here! So I wanted to explore. We drove downtown and heard some music and got excited -- an outdoor concert! So we paid to get in and lo and behold -- we had stumbled upon a Harley Davidson Bike Rally Concert!!!!! hahahaha. I was literally drinking, dancing, and enjoying the same music as adults that are my parents age. I'm not going to lie -- it was awesome. These people were so... Authentic. They were who they were and they made no excuses for it. I've never had an experience like that -- where you don't have to have the perfect body or straightened hair or makeup to be desired by a man. These women -- they were powerful. Their men worshiped them. And they were nothing special to look at. I'm tellin you... If that's how bikers treat their women, I need to find a biker man. It was great though. Excellent people watching! And excellent music! The band was incredible.
After the concert ended (11pm for the old farts :-p), Kat and I walked a couple blocks down the street to a basement bar I'd heard rumors of. Ran into some of my Group Fitness participants from the Y! Then made friends with a random girl, Laney, who was celebrating her 27th birthday (and yes, I'll admit, she had a very attractive friend there -- who knew I was into bald guys? hahaa). And in the midst of all this, Kat and I got to catch up. It was a crazy, epic, random, fun night. :) I can now say I've been to a bike rally and partied with bikers. (Who, by the way, were so tame! No fights! lol)
Then today, I began the day with church. I woke up feeling disconnected and discontented with the day and with life. Ever get in those moods? It was awful. It persisted all day. Where I just felt unhappy, stuck, lonely, and without friends. Is it normal to switch moods so drastically like that? Just last night I was living it up being social.
So I don't know if it was my mood or if it was reality, but church just didn't connect to my soul. It didn't pull me in like it normally does. I left feeling like I hadn't even gone. I went to the pool again for a few hours and got fried (I spent the same amount of time as yesterday but got 10x the sun!), then made a homemade lasagna for dinner! It literally took 3 hours to make.
Friday was the last day of our "Spring Semester" which had been condensed into one intense month (see posts over the past month for more info here). It was a relief to have one semester done, and only three more to go! The last week was ridiculous (see video post), but I and my classmates survived -- so all is well that ends well. Another development (did I cover this in the video? Sorry if I did) was that the class elected me President. Not sure how I feel about it. There's a lot of developing to do, and managing so many personalities could be a struggle. But I'm looking forward to the challenge. :) I think we could accomplish some really great things as a class!!
Saturday was a very interesting day. I worked a few hours at Cato, then went to the Y to lay out by the pool, was invited to dinner at Emily's (I'm so happy for her -- her husband came back from a 9 month deployment about a week and a half ago, and she is so incredibly happy!!) new house (BEAUTIFUL. Wish I lived there!), then met up with Kat to go "out" in New Bern. Now... I have not ever been out in New Bern. We always go to Jacksonville. But some customers at Cato kept telling me about the night life here! So I wanted to explore. We drove downtown and heard some music and got excited -- an outdoor concert! So we paid to get in and lo and behold -- we had stumbled upon a Harley Davidson Bike Rally Concert!!!!! hahahaha. I was literally drinking, dancing, and enjoying the same music as adults that are my parents age. I'm not going to lie -- it was awesome. These people were so... Authentic. They were who they were and they made no excuses for it. I've never had an experience like that -- where you don't have to have the perfect body or straightened hair or makeup to be desired by a man. These women -- they were powerful. Their men worshiped them. And they were nothing special to look at. I'm tellin you... If that's how bikers treat their women, I need to find a biker man. It was great though. Excellent people watching! And excellent music! The band was incredible.
After the concert ended (11pm for the old farts :-p), Kat and I walked a couple blocks down the street to a basement bar I'd heard rumors of. Ran into some of my Group Fitness participants from the Y! Then made friends with a random girl, Laney, who was celebrating her 27th birthday (and yes, I'll admit, she had a very attractive friend there -- who knew I was into bald guys? hahaa). And in the midst of all this, Kat and I got to catch up. It was a crazy, epic, random, fun night. :) I can now say I've been to a bike rally and partied with bikers. (Who, by the way, were so tame! No fights! lol)
Then today, I began the day with church. I woke up feeling disconnected and discontented with the day and with life. Ever get in those moods? It was awful. It persisted all day. Where I just felt unhappy, stuck, lonely, and without friends. Is it normal to switch moods so drastically like that? Just last night I was living it up being social.
So I don't know if it was my mood or if it was reality, but church just didn't connect to my soul. It didn't pull me in like it normally does. I left feeling like I hadn't even gone. I went to the pool again for a few hours and got fried (I spent the same amount of time as yesterday but got 10x the sun!), then made a homemade lasagna for dinner! It literally took 3 hours to make.
And while the lasagna cooked at the different stages, I cleaned this apartment. And oh buddy did it need it!!! I didn't get to everything, but it feels so much better. AND I bought the movie Tangled!!! Ohmygosh. SUCH a good movie!! Definitely one of the best ones Disney has come out with in a while. Althoughhhhhh (prepare yourself for an ounce of whining) it made me really wish I had a significant other. I know, I know. As soon as I stop wanting and looking, he'll come along. But folks, I can't just magically stop wanting and looking. It takes me forever to just accept singledom. I know because I've been through the process several times. And yes, when I do accept it, someone does come along. So I know it's the truth. But this movie sure did make me feel lonely. :( Love stories -- double edge swords.
So like I said. This weekend was such a cacophony. I don't know how I feel about it. And my mood is slightly disturbing me -- that they are swinging so. I just want to be happy. And I had some happy times, which have been overlooked by this weird mood I'm in now.
Ugh.
Well, it's off to bed! A new week, and a new semester, begins tomorrow! Yikes!!!
Sidenote::::: Please keep your fingers crossed and prayers goin for me. I've got a couple pots on the metaphorical stove that I'm hoping turn into lifesavers, and this could be the week that happens! I hope so anyway!!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Incurring Debt
I have a lot on my mind. A lot. I seem to always have a lot on my mind, don't I? I can't help it. It's a result of circumstance. Many times, it's the same lot on my mind that's been there for quite some time, that fades away then re-surfaces with a vengence. Life is cyclical in some ways and humans are creatures of habit, and I am no exception to this. I worry about the same things, stress about the same things, run the same things through my head over and over.
Today, money is on my mind. You never really understand or appreciate how spoiled you are until it all threatens to come to a halt. Til you're left to fend for yourself. To make something of yourself by yourself. It's not so much that I lack the drive to do this -- quite the opposite. It's that approaching my future this way is foreign to me. I've always had the security of support. And now, I don't know how much longer I will have that support. So I have to start thinking ahead, and anticipating, just in case that support is taken away. Making decisions like these don't come easily to me. I worry about long term reprocussions of them, of making the wrong choice, of digging myself deeper than I can crawl out of.
I was so lucky in undergrad. I had a scholarship that paid for school, and a father who made the ends meet for living expenses. Now? I'm about one inch from being completely on my own. And already, I feel the weight of financial demands overtaking my life.
Life should be about balance, happiness, peace. In many respects, I have all those things. But these financial demands are beginning to negate some of this. I deeply do not want to take out a loan to make my ends meet. But the fact is that if this support I'm receiving ends; I literally won't be able to afford living. I could try to find a hospital to pay for school, resulting in a contract to work with them after graduation, and thus being "stuck" in an area for a specific amount of time (2 years, 5 years? I don't know). Which maybe wouldn't be so bad, but out the window goes the freedom to go where I want to work. And frankly, I don't know where I want to go after school. Do I stay here and love the beach but never meet a guy? Do I move closer to family to save money but give up the beach (and maybe never meet a guy)? Do I follow the wind like I have since I was little and up and move to Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, or Wisconsin (yet leave behind my family, friends, and the beach, but maybe meet an outdoorsman)?
I don't want any more debt. I can barely handle the debt I have. But I may not have much of a choice.
Today, money is on my mind. You never really understand or appreciate how spoiled you are until it all threatens to come to a halt. Til you're left to fend for yourself. To make something of yourself by yourself. It's not so much that I lack the drive to do this -- quite the opposite. It's that approaching my future this way is foreign to me. I've always had the security of support. And now, I don't know how much longer I will have that support. So I have to start thinking ahead, and anticipating, just in case that support is taken away. Making decisions like these don't come easily to me. I worry about long term reprocussions of them, of making the wrong choice, of digging myself deeper than I can crawl out of.
I was so lucky in undergrad. I had a scholarship that paid for school, and a father who made the ends meet for living expenses. Now? I'm about one inch from being completely on my own. And already, I feel the weight of financial demands overtaking my life.
Life should be about balance, happiness, peace. In many respects, I have all those things. But these financial demands are beginning to negate some of this. I deeply do not want to take out a loan to make my ends meet. But the fact is that if this support I'm receiving ends; I literally won't be able to afford living. I could try to find a hospital to pay for school, resulting in a contract to work with them after graduation, and thus being "stuck" in an area for a specific amount of time (2 years, 5 years? I don't know). Which maybe wouldn't be so bad, but out the window goes the freedom to go where I want to work. And frankly, I don't know where I want to go after school. Do I stay here and love the beach but never meet a guy? Do I move closer to family to save money but give up the beach (and maybe never meet a guy)? Do I follow the wind like I have since I was little and up and move to Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, or Wisconsin (yet leave behind my family, friends, and the beach, but maybe meet an outdoorsman)?
I don't want any more debt. I can barely handle the debt I have. But I may not have much of a choice.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Okay, so I have like three blogs in one here! Differentiated by the different texts/colors. Enjoy!
I had a fortune cookie the other day that said "Your love life will be happy and harmonious." I laughed at the irony, as my love life has been everything but that. Maybe it'll change. ::Shrug:: Whatever. It'll happen when it happens (if it happens lol).
Whew! 1.5 weeks to go of the condensed "Spring Semester" (2 classes condensed into one month -- I kid you not), then Summer School (4 classes over 2.5 months), then Fall Semester (I don't know what the class distribution will be like) followed by Spring Semester 2012 and graduation. On one hand, the road seems so long. On the other, I can't believe that this time next year I'll (hopefully) be a Physical Therapist Assistant! Blows my mind.
Right now my schedule is both aiding and restricting me. My normal day looks something like this:
-5am wake up
-6am: teach class at the Y or workout
-7am: shower, dress, drive to school, sit in parking lot and squeeze in a 20 minute Bible Study time (currently not directed, just reading various books of the Bible. Currently on John and loving it!)
-8am-12pm: class (no breaks)
-12-1pm: lunch break (aka: shove food down throat while running any necessary errands, paying bills, paperwork for clinicals, studying, etc)
-1-5pm: class (no breaks)
-5-930pm: work at cato or the Y
-930-10pm: "brain break" -- only time I allow myself to facebook, email, catch up on tv online, etc. It usually is just me sitting and not doing anything.
-10pm-1130pm: study hour
-1130-12am: collect school materials for next day, make all necessary "brown bag" meals (90% of the time I'm packing breakfast, lunch, and dinner), pack gym bag if necessary, charge iPod if necessary, straighten up apartment if time allows (not usually), brush teeth, shower if necessary
-12am: bed time/lights out (unless there's a test the next day and then bed time becomes more like 1am)
Rinse and Repeat.
So as you can imagine, my schedule aides me and restricts me. I function better when I'm busy -- because I know my free time is limited I make that time count and don't procrastinate. Because I can't procrastinate. But it also restricts me -- I can't just go get things done at any time of the day I please. I can't take my time and scrub the toilet and Magic Eraser my tub (what an amazing cleaning tool, by the way!). I don't have time to devote to reading for pleasure (I barely have any time to study!); prime example, I got the June Cosmo in the mail today and let out a small moan, as I hadn't even been able to read the May Cosmo yet! And I'm more sleep deprived than ever.
But I have to say -- I have more pride in myself for what I'm doing right now than I think anything I've done yet. I'm gaining a career, paying my own way through school (which can't be said of my ECU education; THANK YOU DAD & SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!), working two jobs, staying active in church, and keeping a smile on my face. Yes, it's community college. But folks, because I am so responsible for everything connected to it (paying for it, studying for it, passing it, and getting a good job out of it), I am so much more focused on this than I ever was on Undergrad.
And yes; I cut my study hour short tonight. I'll admit it. But my brain needed a break and some sleep! So I'm off to bed and am so excited at the thought of sleep! Tomorrow will be a great day, I can't wait to see what we'll learn!!!
My friend Emily's husband comes home from deployment tomorrow!!!! First time he's been home in 9 MONTHS!!!!!!! I am so over joyed for her, that he is returning home unharmed. Her husband is her world, and she was so lost without him. I can't wait to see her continue to blossom back into herself when he returns. :) :) :) Praise be to God for this blessing for Emily, and for the blessing this is for me -- to observe a couple so deeply in love and so positive and supportive of each other and to participate in welcoming him home and into our church.
I had a fortune cookie the other day that said "Your love life will be happy and harmonious." I laughed at the irony, as my love life has been everything but that. Maybe it'll change. ::Shrug:: Whatever. It'll happen when it happens (if it happens lol).
Whew! 1.5 weeks to go of the condensed "Spring Semester" (2 classes condensed into one month -- I kid you not), then Summer School (4 classes over 2.5 months), then Fall Semester (I don't know what the class distribution will be like) followed by Spring Semester 2012 and graduation. On one hand, the road seems so long. On the other, I can't believe that this time next year I'll (hopefully) be a Physical Therapist Assistant! Blows my mind.
Right now my schedule is both aiding and restricting me. My normal day looks something like this:
-5am wake up
-6am: teach class at the Y or workout
-7am: shower, dress, drive to school, sit in parking lot and squeeze in a 20 minute Bible Study time (currently not directed, just reading various books of the Bible. Currently on John and loving it!)
-8am-12pm: class (no breaks)
-12-1pm: lunch break (aka: shove food down throat while running any necessary errands, paying bills, paperwork for clinicals, studying, etc)
-1-5pm: class (no breaks)
-5-930pm: work at cato or the Y
-930-10pm: "brain break" -- only time I allow myself to facebook, email, catch up on tv online, etc. It usually is just me sitting and not doing anything.
-10pm-1130pm: study hour
-1130-12am: collect school materials for next day, make all necessary "brown bag" meals (90% of the time I'm packing breakfast, lunch, and dinner), pack gym bag if necessary, charge iPod if necessary, straighten up apartment if time allows (not usually), brush teeth, shower if necessary
-12am: bed time/lights out (unless there's a test the next day and then bed time becomes more like 1am)
Rinse and Repeat.
So as you can imagine, my schedule aides me and restricts me. I function better when I'm busy -- because I know my free time is limited I make that time count and don't procrastinate. Because I can't procrastinate. But it also restricts me -- I can't just go get things done at any time of the day I please. I can't take my time and scrub the toilet and Magic Eraser my tub (what an amazing cleaning tool, by the way!). I don't have time to devote to reading for pleasure (I barely have any time to study!); prime example, I got the June Cosmo in the mail today and let out a small moan, as I hadn't even been able to read the May Cosmo yet! And I'm more sleep deprived than ever.
But I have to say -- I have more pride in myself for what I'm doing right now than I think anything I've done yet. I'm gaining a career, paying my own way through school (which can't be said of my ECU education; THANK YOU DAD & SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!), working two jobs, staying active in church, and keeping a smile on my face. Yes, it's community college. But folks, because I am so responsible for everything connected to it (paying for it, studying for it, passing it, and getting a good job out of it), I am so much more focused on this than I ever was on Undergrad.
And yes; I cut my study hour short tonight. I'll admit it. But my brain needed a break and some sleep! So I'm off to bed and am so excited at the thought of sleep! Tomorrow will be a great day, I can't wait to see what we'll learn!!!
My friend Emily's husband comes home from deployment tomorrow!!!! First time he's been home in 9 MONTHS!!!!!!! I am so over joyed for her, that he is returning home unharmed. Her husband is her world, and she was so lost without him. I can't wait to see her continue to blossom back into herself when he returns. :) :) :) Praise be to God for this blessing for Emily, and for the blessing this is for me -- to observe a couple so deeply in love and so positive and supportive of each other and to participate in welcoming him home and into our church.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
How Do You Pray when You Don't Know What You Want to Say
How do you begin praying when you are so frustrated and confused that you literally don't know where to begin? I left church this morning feeling so uplifted and inspired by the Grace and wisdom and beauty of God that I felt more whole, more humble, more of a true follower of Christ than I was before. The message spoke to me, the songs moved me, the company around me was supportive and just bursting with love for the Lord. Today was going to be a good day.
I was so looking forward to Small Group, where we would be tackling another chapter in Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, a book which has so far challenged me Spiritually and encouraged me to really think about faith and church and spirituality and religion -- where they differ, where they intersect, how American Church approaches them, and how I approach them, should they be approached differently? I went to the beach to read this weeks chapter (Chapter 5), and I was looking forward to reading it. I went to the beach to have some one on one time with God, to spend at least part of my time there devoted to praising Him and studying His word, and to read this weeks chapter.
But it was not the wholesome, plesant experience that it has been. It was scattered, un-focused, confusing, and hard to read. On one hand Chan was speaking about the forgiveness of God, the next about how Salvation has already been determined. I was left feeling frustrated and confused. I didn't understand what Chan was trying to say.
And small group just left me feeling more frustrated and confused than I was before. Typically, small group is a place that brings it all together, ties up the loose ends, and I leave feeling comforted and warm and uplifted.
I left in tears. Because suddenly, I didn't know where I stood with God. I felt severed from Him. I don't feel worthy of baptism and salvation -- between my past and the fact that I feel like I need to know more about Him and Jesus before I can rightfully make that decision. Otherwise, isn't it just a phony decision? Isn't it an uneducated decision? How can you profess to believe in something if you don't know the whole story? Faith, yes, I know.
So now here I am. My heart is knotted. My mind is restless. I don't even know where to begin in reaching out to God. I need God more than ever in this instant. "Pray, God is at your hearts' door" my friend Emily tells me. And while I know this to be true -- I don't even know how to begin this prayer!
God, reach me. Break down this barrier. Fill my heart. Remove whatever this is that is built up. Let me know you.
I was so looking forward to Small Group, where we would be tackling another chapter in Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, a book which has so far challenged me Spiritually and encouraged me to really think about faith and church and spirituality and religion -- where they differ, where they intersect, how American Church approaches them, and how I approach them, should they be approached differently? I went to the beach to read this weeks chapter (Chapter 5), and I was looking forward to reading it. I went to the beach to have some one on one time with God, to spend at least part of my time there devoted to praising Him and studying His word, and to read this weeks chapter.
But it was not the wholesome, plesant experience that it has been. It was scattered, un-focused, confusing, and hard to read. On one hand Chan was speaking about the forgiveness of God, the next about how Salvation has already been determined. I was left feeling frustrated and confused. I didn't understand what Chan was trying to say.
And small group just left me feeling more frustrated and confused than I was before. Typically, small group is a place that brings it all together, ties up the loose ends, and I leave feeling comforted and warm and uplifted.
I left in tears. Because suddenly, I didn't know where I stood with God. I felt severed from Him. I don't feel worthy of baptism and salvation -- between my past and the fact that I feel like I need to know more about Him and Jesus before I can rightfully make that decision. Otherwise, isn't it just a phony decision? Isn't it an uneducated decision? How can you profess to believe in something if you don't know the whole story? Faith, yes, I know.
So now here I am. My heart is knotted. My mind is restless. I don't even know where to begin in reaching out to God. I need God more than ever in this instant. "Pray, God is at your hearts' door" my friend Emily tells me. And while I know this to be true -- I don't even know how to begin this prayer!
God, reach me. Break down this barrier. Fill my heart. Remove whatever this is that is built up. Let me know you.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Culinary Success!
So I've been dying to try something new in the kitchen lately, and found this recipie that piqued my interest! So I decided to take the recipie and make it my own:
0.25 C Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 T rosemary
1 t Thyme
1 t Oregano
1 t Cumin
1 Chicken breast cut into cubes
Combine all ingredients (except chicken) in container. Add chicken. Let marinate 2 hours up to overnight.
In saucepan, put 3 T Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 1 T Lemon Juice, 2 garlic cloves chopped, and a couple sprinkles of Cayanne Red Pepper. Bring combination to heat and let garlic release. Add marinated chicken (including the marinade), and sautee covered until cooked (keeps the chicken nice and moist).
Serve: kabobs, over salad, chicken wrap, chicken salad sandwich.
0.25 C Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 T rosemary
1 t Thyme
1 t Oregano
1 t Cumin
1 Chicken breast cut into cubes
Combine all ingredients (except chicken) in container. Add chicken. Let marinate 2 hours up to overnight.
In saucepan, put 3 T Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 1 T Lemon Juice, 2 garlic cloves chopped, and a couple sprinkles of Cayanne Red Pepper. Bring combination to heat and let garlic release. Add marinated chicken (including the marinade), and sautee covered until cooked (keeps the chicken nice and moist).
Serve: kabobs, over salad, chicken wrap, chicken salad sandwich.
I served mine over a bed of shredded iceberg lettuce with chopped green pepper and tomato, and some Kens Light Ceasar dressing. It was delicious!
I am so excited to not have to be getting up at 6:30am on Saturdays anymore after this one! I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to having weekends again, and even if I have to work -- being able to sleep in til 8:30am! Going to school six days a week is rough and tough and most certainly not for the weak. However, I do have to say: it could be much, much, much worse. I could be bored by the material, I could hate the people in my class, I could have a boyfriend who zaps all my time and energy away. But none of these things are true! I am loving the classes! I'm finding them so interesting and enjoyable. For the most part, I like everyone in my class; with the exception of three who no one really likes. And for once, being single is a blessing. I barely have time to get the basic living tasks done (cleaning, cooking, showering, studying, Bible studying), let along tend to the wants and needs of someone else. Perhaps this is me just telling myself this so that the fact that I am alone is a little more bearable. But by the same token, it is kind of true. As much as I want a significant other, I am just glad that I don't right now so that I can adjust to this new stress in my life.
So although school on Saturday does by and large suck, I'm glad that this is the last one and that they haven't been too terrible. :)
And I'm also glad that the program rocks so much! :D I feel like things are working out in my life, and it's all because I listened to the Big Man Upstairs.
So although school on Saturday does by and large suck, I'm glad that this is the last one and that they haven't been too terrible. :)
And I'm also glad that the program rocks so much! :D I feel like things are working out in my life, and it's all because I listened to the Big Man Upstairs.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Morning: There Is A Time
Once I'm up, I'm up for the day. Which makes mornings enjoyable for me. I like having time to shower, fix my brown bag lunch, get dressed, read the news, do a little studying-- all before I leave the house for what is most usually a 13 hour long day. Some days I get up even earlier to head to the gym and squeeze in (literally) a workout, because if I didn't, I would (literally) not have time that day. Some days I don't use my morning time as wisely as I should -- I watch the latest episode of one of my shows instead of studying or catching up on the news. But then again, I don't have time to watch these shows anytime else that day. And although the rule of 'once I'm up, I'm up for the day' applies to me, sometimes the act of getting up can be difficult. Particularly when I don't have enough sleep from the night before. And as a result, sometimes my morning time is cut short drastically; leaving me feeling rushed the entire rest of the day because I didn't get my few moments first thing to center, organize my thoughts, and prepare myself for what is to come that day.
But regardless, I always leave the house feeling... Slightly disappointed in myself. Because I never seem to get around to that morning devotional that I want so badly to start getting in the habit of. I am always distracted by something else, rushing to finish something else, etc etc. And it doesn't seem to matter how early I get up -- mornings just don't seem to be a good time for me to get my devotional in!
So it's clear -- I need to find another time to devote to God. Lately I can feel myself becoming lax in my devotion to Him. Which is resulting in a change in my relationship for Him -- I feel... Slightly disconnected. One of the seven deadly sins is "sloth," and this is a perfect example of why. Because when you get lazy in your devotion to the one true God, you allow the distractions of the world (and in turn the devil) to get in the way, to gnaw on the lines that you have thrown to God, that eventually sever and fall -- and God becomes a further and further thought. I think in some senses/situations, being too busy is just as deadly as a sin as sloth is. Such opposing situations, but that both end in Spiritual illness/death.
Ecclesiastes 3 addresses this conundrum of time. We need to understand that there is a time for everything, and that we need to carve out time for particular things and not let those activities spill over into another activity's allotted time. We need to stay focused. Ecclesiastes 3 also addresses so many other points. About human happiness, God's sovereignty, and the trials that God gives us. But today, I need to take the "there is a time for everything" lesson to heart...
But regardless, I always leave the house feeling... Slightly disappointed in myself. Because I never seem to get around to that morning devotional that I want so badly to start getting in the habit of. I am always distracted by something else, rushing to finish something else, etc etc. And it doesn't seem to matter how early I get up -- mornings just don't seem to be a good time for me to get my devotional in!
So it's clear -- I need to find another time to devote to God. Lately I can feel myself becoming lax in my devotion to Him. Which is resulting in a change in my relationship for Him -- I feel... Slightly disconnected. One of the seven deadly sins is "sloth," and this is a perfect example of why. Because when you get lazy in your devotion to the one true God, you allow the distractions of the world (and in turn the devil) to get in the way, to gnaw on the lines that you have thrown to God, that eventually sever and fall -- and God becomes a further and further thought. I think in some senses/situations, being too busy is just as deadly as a sin as sloth is. Such opposing situations, but that both end in Spiritual illness/death.
Ecclesiastes 3 addresses this conundrum of time. We need to understand that there is a time for everything, and that we need to carve out time for particular things and not let those activities spill over into another activity's allotted time. We need to stay focused. Ecclesiastes 3 also addresses so many other points. About human happiness, God's sovereignty, and the trials that God gives us. But today, I need to take the "there is a time for everything" lesson to heart...
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