Tumblr and other Topics

So out of pure curiosity, I started a Tumblr account ( http://blairkl.tumblr.com/ ) recently.  And let me tell you -- I've found it to be incredibly interesting!!!  It's very easy to use, and has been an excellent way for me to explore some topics I'm interested and to find some really great blogs.  Particularly about health information, tips, and hot topics.  LOVE it!  And I'm also using it for some much more casual blogging (because I have no life and no friends so I blog haha).  So check it out!  It's really interesting!!! A cross betweeen blogger, facebook, and twitter.

On my tumblr, I shared an email that my friend Kelley sent to me  ( http://blairkl.tumblr.com/post/6358587926/untie-the-rope ).  This one email has validated and inspired many of my decisions lately.  It validated the tattoo (which I still love by the way!).  It inspired a hair cut (Chris had asked me to grow it out when he was gone, so this was kind of another freeing experience.  And I love it too!).  And it also inspired me to suggest a move out date to my Mom this afternoon.

I am proud of myself for standing up for myself to my Mom, who has settled into my apartment and gotten so comfortable that she never thought I'd ask her to leave.  She was obviously surprised when I said it, but I gave her two months notice so she could have time to figure things out.  I asked if it was enough time and she responded "I'll make it be enough time."  sigh.

It's hard not letting her guilt trip get to me.  I understand her position and her fear and her anxiety, but the fact is, like the email said:  She's not functioning on my level nor does she want to help herself so I can't help her anymore and I need to untie that rope and let her life be her life.  I don't want her to be homeless or live in her car or anything horrible like that -- she's my Mom and I care about what happens to her.  But she cannot depend on me.  She is at an age where she should be capable of caring for herself.  And she needs to do that.  And unfortunately, she's put me in a position where I have to make decisions like that.  I wish she hadn't, but it is what it is.

I've done what I could to give her a leg up in life and to give her some extra time to put her life together.  It was suppossed to be a one month long event, and by the end of July she will have had five months.  I just simply can't anymore.

I love her.  I wish the best for her.  I want to help her and I want her to succeed (and I wish I could have been there to help her make it happen).  But it's time.

A Haircut

Today I got a haircut.  Last week I got a tattoo.  The past 30 days I've lost five pounds.  This season I've fallen in love, had my heart broken (twice by the same man), opened my heart and home to a couch surfer (in the form of my mom), re-discovered God, and started a new career path.  This year I uprooted my life and moved to a new town where I knew no one, had no idea who I was (still don't think I do), and really had no opinions on anything.

Life is truly an adventure, and you just simply never know where you're going to be or what's going to happen.  There are only a few constants -- family (which includes friends that are so close they're like family), God, and change (which some may see as 'ruined plans' but I am learning to embrace as God's blessings).

Today's haircut may not seem like an important change.  And in the scheme of life, it isn't.  But it was a big day.  When Chris and I dated and before he left, he asked me to grow my hair out for him.  I agreed.  Cutting it today and doing something because I wanted to do it -- it was a beginning on a whole new lease on life.   Seeing the lifeless, dead, and dry strands of my hair be cut from me and fall to the floor, to feel the lightness that came afterwards -- nothing can replace a long overdue and desperately needed hair cut.  It was a final "fuck you".  An embrace of myself and my natural beauty (I look so much better with shoulder length hair; anything longer just looks poofy, lifeless, and shapeless).  A new spring to my step.  And yes, the boost of confidence turned some heads today :)

Life is an adventure, and something as small as a haircut can be a pretty big part of that adventure.

Culinary Success!!

This was the main showing of my dinner tonight: a light, fresh, crispy, and delicious summer salad.

Lately, I have been loving the idea of eating clean -- eating foods as close to their pure state as possible, with as few excessive ingredients as possible.  And this dish was a testement to how delicious, easy, and filling this concept can be.

Chopped Cucumber

Chopped Tomato

Fresh green beans, al dente cooked

Garbanzo beans (rinsed from the can, not cooked)

Peas (not cooked, frozen)

Fresh corn cut off the cob (no butter)

Toss with a little italian salad dressing (just enough to lightly coat) and crushed black pepper.

YUM