New Financial Focus

You know what feels really good? Having one of our frequent budget meetings (we don't quite follow Dave Ramsey's suggestion to have one every month, but we have a budget meeting about every three months it seems) and being able to shift our financial focus.

Our first focus was two fold: paying down our credit card debt while building up 3 months of expenses in savings. Daniel's is officially paid off and mine is at it's lowest balance since my junior year of undergraduate college.  That feels REALLY good!  It isn't totally paid off, but it will be in the next four months! :) :) :) :) :) Annnnd we got our three months of expenses in savings (albeit this doesn't include a rent/mortgage payment because we don't have that expense right now).

Our second focus was to start saving for retirement.  This entailed many financial planning meetings (we went to a professional for this one!), lots of discussion, lots of reading on my part (I was woefully uneducated about investments and life insurance), and realigning our budget.  This was the first "big money bill" as a married couple that we had to add to our budget.  This took quite a bit of adjustment, particularly on my part!  But we finally figured this out and have settled into a routine where this "bill" no longer scares us nor do we freak out about making sure our bank account can accommodate this bill, because we know we have the money in the bank.

So now it was time to shift our focus for a third time in seven months of marriage (man we've made some great financial progress already!). Time to start getting used to having a mortgage payment.  We don't own a home yet, but we felt it was a good idea to get used to having an even BIGGER bill that we'd have to pay every month. And until we own a home, this money just goes straight into savings.  So we're seriously boosting our savings account while getting accustomed to an over-inflated mortgage payment (we chose to pay more than what we expect to actually pay for a mortgage so that the actual mortgage is less frightening and easier for us to meet emotionally).  I'm pretty stoked about this!  We'll build up three months of mortgage emergency fund money, and then we'll begin saving up for any necessary home renovation projects for whatever home we end up buying.

It felt really good to sit down with our budget and be able to make our money work for us, to be able to shift our financial focus once again.  It feels good to know that we CAN handle a mortgage while living comfortably (albeit with a budget that has zero room for errors).  It feels good to be in control of our money instead of our money ruling us.  And it definitely feels good to know that my husband and I are on the same page with the same plan of action!

Budgeting works folks.  Get on the same page with your partner.  Talk about it.  Set goals.  Work your ass off. And meet your goals!  Because YOU CAN!

Am I a Conservative or a Feminist??

Daniel and I are beginning the process of finding our first home, and we are so far enjoying the process.  There has been, of course, quite a bit of information, contracts, and legal jargon to digest.  And in some cases sign.  

I am all for the Biblical definition of marriage -- where the man is the head of the house and leads his wife and family.  LOVE it.  I understand its importance and that this traditional/Biblical view still influences business, society, and culture today (granted maybe not as much as it should in some instances).

But ever since I've gotten married, I have discovered that my signature (and thus my value as a member of the partnership) is "less than."  I am either signing second on everything or not signing at all.  And this is really bothering me.

It's bothering me that my husband is deemed more valuable than I by business.  It is bothering me that he has more say and more respect than I do.

Why do I always have to sign second?

Why am I relegated to cooking all the meals, grocery shopping every week, and cleaning the house while my husband's only responsibilities are taking out the trash (which he has to be reminded to do; and even then he ignored the giant pile of boxes on his week long vacation) and fixing things (that light bulb is still waiting after three weeks)?

I am struggling to accept the Biblical definition of gender roles in this case. I am struggling to accept my "place" as a wife -- as second.  And when I expressed these issues to Daniel, he responded by saying "I think you are more important than keeping the kitchen clean, the dinners cooked, and the bedroom clean."  Wow... Really??????  That's the automatic role that you put me in? Of course it is.  He had a week of vacation and cleaned the dishes once, never cooked dinner, never made the bed, never vacuumed, and didn't even bother to go grocery shopping (in fact complained that he didn't have any food to eat).

How to I reconcile my Biblical beliefs with my frustrations of being "boxed in" and feeling limited?

Decisions and Opinions -- How does a Silent One Respond?

It's been a while since I had the time, motivation, or quiet to sit down and journal/blog...  There are so many spinning parts in our lives right now, so many "things" that we're waiting on or trying to get going that we are still at a bit of a stand still.  We're still going through the job hunt (both of us, actually).  One of us is making some progress in moving forward in their career (hint, it's not me); one of us is still waiting for the job market to relax enough for positions to become available (hint, it's me).

I am still very much struggling with what to do with my career.  Do I return to school and get my doctorate?  Do I take that risk/jump and cut our income?  What if when I graduate I find myself in the exact same position I'm in now -- qualified but without any job openings?  I will fully admit that I am paralyzed with fear on this topic.  I don't want to make the wrong choice.  And both choices (Stay a PTA or Become a PT) have valid and very strong pros/cons.  Neither option out weigh the other.

This is a personality trait that I've noticed I'm developing -- indecisiveness.  I used to be so sure of what I wanted to do and I could make decisions lickety split. I had no problem with that.   But as I've grown up (I refuse to say "gotten older" or "aged" to even my patients, let alone to myself), I've become more middle ground.  More, "Let me take some time and think about this." More, "I need more information."  More, "I need a sign saying that this is the way to go."

Through my various high school and college jobs, I was conditioned through my mistakes not to make bold statements or to be outspoken.  It was always looked down on -- they wanted someone who would come in, do their job, not make a fuss or rock the boat, be productive, be flexible, and then go home.  And in an effort to become a better employee with less stress on myself (from the "trouble" and the judgments), I have become that employee. But it's also spilled over into my personal life.  I am the quiet wife who is (admittedly) trying to find nice ways to ask for help, but who always declines the offer of help.  I am the wife who takes on the management of the home (i.e, budgets, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking) because (1) it's what I'm "supposed to do" (2) it's just easier if I do it (3) Daniel's very much okay with a messy home.  I come home, do my job, try not to rock the boat, and go to bed.  So my annoyance gets bottled up and disposed of when I workout.

Daniel is wonderful and supportive of whichever decision I make.  But he's also smart enough to not make the decision for me -- despite how much I would like him to.  So the responsibility returns to my shoulders.

How often I wish I didn't have to make decisions...
The pressure is heavy on my shoulders...

My conditioning to not have an opinion and to be quiet is stifling me. I can see that now.  Granted, that doesn't mean I need to become bold and brazen.  But I need to establish what my opinions are, and I need to stand for them.  So by the flip side of the coin, that suggests I need to do some soul searching on me.