The Most Delicious Tuna Salad You'll Ever Have

I love this recipe.  It's part from a health magazine, part improvised from me! :)  Make it, taste it, and you'll fall in love!!! :) :)

INGREDIENTS
-1 small can chunk albacore tuna in water (drain)
-2 teaspoons mayo (use Hellman's Light! or Miracle Whip)
-1 tablespoon sliced almonds
-1 tablespoon craisins
-1-2 tablespoons chopped green/bell pepper
-Garlic Powder
-Parsley flakes

Mix tuna, mayo, almonds, craisins, and green pepper.  Add 2-3 pinches of the garlic powder.  Add 4-5 shakes of the parsley flakes.  Mix well to make sure the garlic powder is evenly distributed.

Put on wheat bread with sliced tomatoes, a bunch of lettuce, and three thin slices of mild cheddar cheese (don't use processed american cheese -- that will totally ruin the flavor!!!).

This recipe is great -- it gives you crunch (almonds and green pepper), a burst of sweet/fruity (craisins), some salt (garlic powder), and omega-3's (tuna).  Be sure you load up on the tomatoes and lettuce to qualify for a serving of vegetables.  That plus the green pepper will give you the vegetables needed for this meal.

Calculate it Out

Getting paid is always exciting.  You feel like you've accomplished something, and that you're less trapped by the lack of money.  There's the brimming of possibilities -- what to buy???  But for me, there's mostly anxiety -- how can I best and most responsibly spend this money?  Where will it be best put to use?

Do I use this money to pay another $100 off the credit card bill? On top of the $340 I've paid this month?  Will these weekly payments lower my credit score?  Is it better to do one large payment a month or several smaller payments?  If I do one large payment, will I be disciplined enough to save instead of spend the money that comes in?

Do I use this money to pay my electric bill (about $100), even though I've asked Dad for the money for the bill?

My thinking has changed from spend spend spend; buy buy buy to think carefully about how this money can best be used.  What a difference a word makes: spend versus use.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again:  I want to take control of my finances.  I want to make smart, responsible, and mature decisions that will help me out in life and get me further. 

Here's a great tool that you can use to examine your credit card debt a little closer:
http://cgi.money.cnn.com/tools/debtplanner/debtplanner.jsp
It lets you see how long you'll be in debt, how much you have to pay, etc.

This little article ( http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9/index.htm )  gives some great information on Debt, managing money, and everything in between!  It's your personal finance college course boiled down to an easy to read article (without all the calculations!).

So based on the calculator, if I make $500 payments, I'll be with a $0 balance in 7 months!!  Woot woot!! :) :)  This is something I know I can achieve for 2 months (the payment), and something I'll be aiming for in the Spring once school starts.  Having a manageable credit card balance is a major goal for me right now.

Eek.  I need to get to bed...  Hope this information was useful for you like it was for me! :)

Financial Health

Attaining financial health feels so unattainable for me.  I'm so far behind.  In debt ($3K).  In spending (its gone before I make it).  I am in over my head. 

They say to start small -- make minimum payments on credit cards, make budgets (and stick to them), etc.  And I'm trying to start small.  I have a plan for November -- a budget written out that after close inspection, I can't deviate from.  It's going to be cutting it close as it is.  Really close.

And to top it all off, I'm pretty sure I just overdrafted my bank account today by making a large ($300 large) credit card payment -- I didn't realize there were a couple of things still floating that hadn't been taken into account in my checking.

I really just need to get rid of the debit cards.  They're convenient.  But they're more trouble.  It may be time to revert back to the old checks.  And I need to stop using the credit card!  If I don't have the money, I shouldn't be buying it.

So it's up early tomorrow to withdraw money from one bank to put into another bank to prevent (hopefully) overdraft fees.  ::sigh::

And so slips away more of my meager savings.

Yes, time to remove the debit cards from use.

Homemade Vegetable Soup

Vegetable soup is one of my all time favorite dishes/meals.  I eat it all the time -- when it's cold, when I'm too lazy to cook a real meal, or when I'm sick.  And my Mom made the best homemade vegetable soup -- we always got so excited as kids when she made a big pot!  And so I called Mom the other week and asked for the recipe!  :)

One of the biggest advantages to making homemade soup is that you can make it (and you can only make huge portions -- there's no such thing as a small soup recipe lol) and then freeze whatever is left over!!  So you'll have meals for ages. :)

It's low calorie, heart healthy, it has tons of vegetables (which as Americans we don't get enough of), and it's so easy to make!!  :)

I made my soup in a croc pot, but Mom's recipe calls for the use of a dutch oven.

INGREDIENTS
Package Stew Beef (get the leanest cuts you can!  Venison or Bison would be great choices as well)
Beef Bullion Cube
Rosemary
Thyme
Basil
Onion
Carrots
Frozen Vegetables of choice: peas, lima beans, corn, green beans, etc
2 cans whole, peeled tomatoes
2 small cans tomato sauce
*or for thicker broth, 1 small can tomato sauce and 1 can tomato paste

STEPS
1.  Place Stew Beef in dutch oven.  Cover with just enough water to come to the top of the meat.  Brown meat by boiling.
2.  While meat is cooking, chop up onion and carrots
3.  Once meat is done, place onion, carrots, potatoes (if desired), frozen vegetables, whole tomatoes, tomato sauce, and (if chosen) tomato paste in the pot.  Stir
4.  Add 1 beef bullion cube.  Add other spices to season to taste.
5.  Let simmer for a couple of hours on medium heat.
6.  Eat and enjoy!! :)

Depending on your seasonings, a cup of homemade beef vegetable soup will run you about 150 calories.  So like I said, a great, healthy meal that's cheap, easy, long lasting, delicious, and filling!!  How could you pass it up??

Cleeeeeean

Clean eating is a phenomenon that is taking over American trend eating.  There's no need to do South Beach or Atkins or Jenny Craig.  Instead, all you have to do is eat clean.

Clean eating is all about using ingredients in their rawest form -- nothing processed, pre-made, or canned.  Want chicken nuggets? Don't go running to the frozen nuggets.  MAKE them using healthy ingredients! 

Clean eating is a lifestyle.  It is not a diet (however if done properly, it will most likely lead to weightloss).  It's about apprecaiting food and its flavors the way God meant us to taste them.

Clean eating doesn't come without its challenges -- it means throwing away the processed foods that we Americans have come to depend on and love.  But with time, dedication, and patience, it's totally achievable!!  And it's my newest thing.

Interested?  Google "Clean Eating" and you'll get a TON of results.  Including a magazine!!!  (a subscription is totally on my Christmas wish list)

http://www.cleaneatingmag.com/minisite/ce_index.htm

And if you read the recipes, you'll find yourself salivating.  I know I did!  They're all fairly simple recipies that will make you look like a sophisticated, healthy cook!  I can't wait to dive in!!! :) :)

The New Living Room! :) :)

ignore the mess on the floor on the right... and in the bathroom door...

LOVE this corner!!! :) :) :)

Love the matching/mis-matched pillows that bring out the blues of the print and the browns of the couch legs and coffee/end tables!  I feel like a design MASTER! hahaha  (yes, that's a Christmas present in progress on the couch!  What can I say? I'm a crafty girl :-p)

Decorate!

Ohhhhhhhhhh my gosh. :) :) :) :) :)

So I came to Greensboro this weekend to visit my sister and see my BFF Suja, and today (my first full day here), oh lordy...  We went shopping.  hahaha.  Put Blair in a big town with a TON of stores after she's been living in small town USA for 5 months, and she's going to go a little crazy.

And crazy I went!!  We went to Michael's (where I got new crochet hooks and yarn, as well as a poster for above my couch), Wal Mart (where I found some more scented wax to melt and some dried grass to put in a vase which I also found at Wal Mart), Garden Ridge (where I found wall sconces, a turtle candle holder, pillows for my couch which are super cute, and an end table -- I don't have any right now), Big Lots (where I purchased blank canvases to paint on for my bedroom since there's no decor in there either), and a Consignment clothing store where I found a pair of Seven's jeans for $15!!!!  I spent a bunch of money, but I am so excited to have things to finally finish decorating my living room!!!  I can't wait to drive home and put it all together.

Still need to go back to Wal Mart to get a frame for my poster, but I'm pretty well ready to go decorate! :) :)

Job 9:10 -- Evasive Almighty and Hogwarts

This piece of scripture is so relevant today. As a society, we have become so caught up in ourselves, in sin, and in everything that we shouldn't be caught up in that we have forgotten how to see God.




This could be blasphemous, but it reminds me of the concept of Hogwarts (yes, as in Harry Potter). Hogwarts and all of the magical world can't be seen by Muggles (non-magical folks, or here we can substitute for non-Christians). When Harry asks why they can't see it, Hagrid replies: "Because they've forgotten how." Granted, there are also spells cast to protect the magical world, but it still fits to this passage. Hogwarts is only seen as an old, decrepit castle by passing muggles, when those who have the special talents see the castle for its magnificence.



This is kind of what Christianity is like. Many people can't see the awesome power, beauty, and rewards that are offered by God. They can't see him.



Even those who are believers can miss God when he speaks or passes by.



We can be so caught up looking for epic signs of guidance, that we overlook the ones He sends us! That's precisely why it's so important to live simply; to filter out the white noise and judgements so that beyond the ivy covered bricks, you can see the beauty of the castle that's there!

Weight Loss

Managing ones weight is something that most people struggle with -- dealing with the portion sizes, cravings, the constant influx of crap food.  Crap food -- food that is loaded with carbohydrates, fat, sugars, and sodium.  Crap food -- food that is entirely too easibly accessible.  The McDonalds, Chick-fil-A's, Cici's Pizza's.  The doritoz, boxed meals, biscuits and gravy.

Do you struggle with managing your weight?  Go to this website to calculate your BMI and see if you need to be worried about your weight and to see wehre you fall.

Managing ones weight is something that I struggle with as well.

I had a horrible food day today.  The cravings and accessibility and MSG got to me again.  Cici's Pizza got to me.  Ugh.  I literally ate 1,639 from one to go meal from Cici's.  That's not counting the salad I had from CiCi's (which wasn't bad calorie wise).  Had I not eaten the items other than the salad at CiCi's, I would be at 1047 calories for the day.  That's including a lean cuisine, pudding dessert, some indian corn, apple, and walnuts for dinner and evening snack!!

Do you realize what you're putting in your body??  The crazy amount of calories, fat, sodium, and sugars you're consuming??? 

If you don't and you're even partly aware of how negative the effects of obesity are, you need to educate yourself.  There are countless sources of information -- some good, some bad.  But if you need to become more aware of your food intake, I highly highly HIGHLY recommend that you begin a food diary.

There are many ways that you can keep a food log.  You can get a cute notebook, a little notebook to fit in your pocket/purse.  Or you can use a fantastic free tool that is available to anyone --- Livestrong.com.  All you do is register, and you can enter everything you eat and when you eat it.  It adds up your calories, fat, fiber, sugar, and sodium to help you track your nutritional intake.  It also has a coordinating tool that lets you log the exercise that you do.  It calculates those calories and helps you see the caloric balance.

When it comes to weight loss, it's important that you consume enough calories for your body's needs.  These need to be good calories, however.  That give you the vitamins and minerals and basic needs.  To calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate, go to this website.  If you choose to diet, you should NOT go below this amount!!

Weight loss is all about caloric balance -- balancing the amount you take in (food) with the amount that you burn away (exercise).  When this balance is negative (the exercise outweighs the food), you should be in weightloss.  When this balance is positive (the food outweighs the exercise), you will be looking at weight gain.

However, it's not as simple as stopping eating.  Like I said before, you have to eat.  If you do not eat (balanced, healthy meals), your body goes into starvation mode.  It begins to eat itself -- and I'm not just talking about fat.  Your body will go after your muscles first because it's high in protein and nutrients that it needs.  And when you starve yourself, everything that you do consume (healthy or not) is converted to storage (fat).  So you have to eat!!! The key is eating balanced, healthy meals that are lower in calories, fat, sodium, and sugar.

This is certainly no easy task.  But it's not impossible.  Start with a food diary.  Don't try to change your habits the first couple of days, and then look back on what you wrote down (write everything down -- you'll be the only one who sees it anyway!).  Did you get the recommended servings of fruit and vegetables?  How much of what you ate was convenience food (fast food)?  How much was pre-packaged (typically loaded with sodiums and sugars)?  What were you drinking?  Water?  Tea laced with sugar?  Soda?  Alcohol? 

Then ask yourself some questions -- how can you start making some changes?  Can you make homemade potato chips in the microwave instead of pre-packaged fake chips?  Can you substitute carrots for chips to get that same crunch factor?  Can you trade in soda for diet soda, or even better for water?  Can you switch out the pork and hamburger for turkey and fish?  How can you get more fruits and vegetables in your diet??

Diet is crucial to weight loss.

But so is exercise. 

Here's a butt kicking workout you could try:
Elliptical: 10 minutes, resistance 10
Tabata Elliptical: resistance 12+ (google "Tabata" for more info)
Elliptical: 10 minutes, resistance 10
Circuit:

• Suicide
• 20 pushups
• 20 lunges
• 20 squats
• Military Crawl or Inch Worm across basketball court
• 20 full sit ups (no cheating!!!)
• High knee run across basketball court
• 4 laps around basketball court
• Repeat at least 3 more times for a total of 4 rounds

Cool Down: Jog or Elliptical (resistance 8) for 5 minutes

This workout  will kick your butt!!! It will burn some serious calories, and leave you feeling deliciously sore.  If you're new to exercise, you may hate this soreness.  But if you've been exercising for any length of time, you know how much you look forward to that feeling.  I love the soreness.  Yes,  it's like that song "I get off on the pain"

Hope those were some good tools! :)

I'll be posting more on this topic as time continues on.

I forgot how hard it is to lose weight. 

I'm too easily distracted by junk food.

I guess I'm not dedicated enough.  I need to change it. 

Time for ACTION and not just preparation.

Quotes from "The Alchemist"

I'm now reading The Alchemist in my spare time.  My Sunday school class is doing a group read of The Wild Goose Chase.  And it's funny how they are so similar -- talking about wild adventures and never knowing where you'll be!  Here are some quotes in my reading tonight...

"You dream about your sheep and the Pyramids, but you're different from me, because you want to realie your dreams.  I just want to dream about Mecca."

"But the sheep had taught him something even more important: that there was a language in the owrld that everyone understood, a language the boy had used throughout the time that he was trying to improve things at the shop.  It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of a search for something believed in and desired."

"I know why I want to get back to my flock, he thought.  I understand sheep; they're no longer a problem, and they can be good friends.  On the other hand, I don't know if the desert can be a friend, and it's in the desert that I have to search for my treasure.  If I don't find it, I can always go home."

"Making a deicsion was only the beginning of things.  When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that willl carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

Full to Bust

Ever get that feeling in your stomach -- it's kind of knotted up, the tips of your index finger tingles, the air feels fresh against the skin of your arms, and even the crickets chirping outside the open window gleans an air of intense feeling?  It's a combination of excitement, nervousness, curiosity, adrenaline, and newness.  I don't know what this unknown is.  I don't know what's causing it.  But it's here.  It's set up camp in my body, and it's not going anywhere.  As if I know I'm about to pull up to a cliff, where the road drops off without warning and will take me somewhere completely different.  Even my horoscope for today speaks about this!  ‎"Perhaps you've been impatiently waiting for the moment to jump into new adventures after your meditation during the last few months. Know that the moment has almost arrived! You now have the strategy, objective, and means at your disposal to succeed. Just a bit more work remains to be done. Gather your strength and ge...t ready to take action with renewed vigor."

What will the new adventure be?  The new direction?  The new path?  Is it a person?  A decision?  A literal trip to somewhere?  A hobby?  A thing?  A song?  A book?  What is it coming my way that will change everything?

I'm full to bust about all this.  I'm so excited!  I'm so ready for an adventure!!  For a rush of everything that comes with an adventure.

What the Hell was That?

Yesterday was point blank out of control.  Seriously.  ECU played in-state rival NC State at ECU (my alma mater) yesterday, and I was lucky enough to score a ticket!  So I drove up to ECU yesterday morning for a full day of Greenville. 

I hadn't really been to Greenville since I moved out in May, and it felt odd to be back as an alumni.  It had been so long that I had forgotten what Pirate Nation was like on gameday -- and Lord let me tell you it was awesome to be back!

I went to Heather's first to stop in at the fraternity tailgate.  I got there at 10am, and let's just say that it was pretty dead.  There were maybe 10 people there -- none of whom I was really friends with -- and it was a good .75 mile from the stadium.  So after a bit Stacey and I began migrating.  We stopped at the bottom of college hill to say hey to Megan, then walked up the Hill and I stopped and said hey to John, his brother, and one of my old bosses.  Then it was off to the game!

The game was NUTS!  ECU hasn't been very good this season, and NC State has been very good this season.  So I was prepared for a total shellacking!  But we led State 21-0 through three quarters -- it took them til the 4th quarter to catch up with us, and long story short -- the game went into overtime, and we won by intercepting the ball!!  I couldn't believe how well we played!!!!!  And it was awesome to be a part of the 50,000+ Pirate Nation in the stands that day.  Definitely the right game for me to go to!

After the game I went with Kelley and her Parents to UBE, then met up with some fraternity brothers for dinner at my favorite mexican resturant Mi Cabana. 

I attempted to hang out with John after dinner, but he was a total flake.  I went to his apartment and waited for him to show up, and when he did, he was like "Oh, I'm going to the House to drink."  Gee thanks John.  So I felt like a total loser for calling Stacey and Heather up and asking if I could get ready at their place.

But then it was off to a "Highlighter Blacklight Party" with the fraternity.  Lord, let me tell you -- that is not my crowd anymore.  I was not entertained in the slightest.  Thankfully JC had similar opinions, so he and I just kind of hung out on the bar stools while the fraternity ran around getting as drunk as they could as fast as they could.  I don't know... It all just felt so juvenille and stupid.  I'm not trying to be all "Holy-er than thou" or whatever, but seriously.  I just felt so old and mature at this party. 

Now I have to back track a little for this next piece of the story.  Back when I lived in Greenville, we had some neighbors who we partied with and had a good time with (and slept with on occasion lol).  Well one of the neighbors was Josh -- a super nice guy (who I never slept with btw).  A couple days ago he randomly messaged me through facebook to come hang out at dinner.  I had to work that night, but told him that I'd be in town Saturday for the game and I'd get up with him then.  Well before dinner on Saturday, I messaged him back (thank God for my blackberry!) and asked him what was going on that night and all that.  He said to come hang out at the pig pickin they had, but I declined in favor of Mi Cabana (hey -- it's my favorite resturant in all of Greenville! Don't judge me :-p), but said that if they were heading down town later that night, to let me know where they ended up and I might come hang.  One more detail: there was a lot of "sweetie"s and "baby doll"s in the texts he sent me.

SO now that you're all caught up... LoL.  So at the Highlighter Party, he texts me and is like "We're at Live.  Come kick it"  So I tell him I'm planning on heading over there at 11pm.  I end up getting there are 11:30, and let me tell you -- Live is a pretty cool place.  So I walk up to the bar and say hey and get a beer, and turn around, and Meghan's there (one of their friends who we'd hang and party with back in Greenville)!  It was so good to see her!  But like 20 minutes after I get there, the rest of his gang is ready to go.  So I teasingly say "What?  I paid $6 for 20 minutes?"  Long story short -- he ended up staying!  We had a couple more beers, got caught up with eachother, had some pretty in depth conversations... It was really nice to hang out with a guy who isn't a total tool bag! 

But I swear, I couldn't figure out if he was flirting with/gunning me or not!!  There was some light touches to the waist and shoulder, there was all the "sweetie"s in the texts.  He stayed after his friends left (and all his friends gave him the 'Yeah man, get it!!' look).  He wanted to go see the stadium and run the field and lay down and look at the stars (it was locked up so we just looked through the gates).  And he offered for me to spend the night at his friends place since it was so late (he said he'd sleep on the floor??).  When he offered that, I teasingly said "AKA you mean 'Blair, do you want to come sleep with me?'"  and he just kinda laughed as if he'd been caught.  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????  Was he just being a nice guy since it was so late or was he flirting with/gunning me?  Ugh.

I like Josh.  He's a super nice guy.  I just have no idea... I think I'm over thinking and over hoping.  It was just friends.  Otherwise he'd have kissed me or something.  As the movie says -- "He's just not that into you."  Yeah.  It was just friends.  :)  And let me tell you -- I am okay with that!!  He's a friend I'd like to have for a while.

First Day of Class

So first day of PM Boot Camp was good... I felt like I was kind of thrown into the fire without any preparation.  I showed up, and it turns out that Rhonda (my co-teacher) had everything planned out already and didn't really need me.  And if she did need me, she kind of just swept me under the rug.  A part of me thinks it's a bit of a relief to not have the entire program on my shoulders.  But a part of me is annoyed that she didn't communicate with me what was going on.  I like to be overly prepared, and I wasn't even given the handout to review so that I could intelligently speak on it.  I also felt slighted that she put her business card in with the packet but didn't give me an opportunity to share my contact information.  She also collected all of the contact info for the participants and kept it for herself.  I understand that it's her show, but I'd like to be kept in the loop, thank you.

The class itself will be a small class -- only 7 participants.  I like this number as it's big enough to not feel too awkward, but small enough to be able to attend to everyone's needs.

There's a wide range of particpants -- some have completed a boot camp before, others are extremely overweight and are obviously not active at all.  So I'm excited to work with them.  I'll be leading Tuesdays where we will be focusing on cardiovascular/aerobic exercise.  There will be a lot of drills, sprints, running, push ups, mountain climbers, and several spinning classes.  I'm excited.  I'm also nervous as Rhonda is very fit.  I'm talking Jillian Michaels fit.  And I'm just average Jane.  But I am excited to get to know the participants, and to push them to meet some goals!!




I came home tonight from the first Boot Camp and felt inspired.  I cooked myself an extremely healthy meal and enjoyed it to the T!  I also felt inspired to work on weight loss.  I have ten very stubborn pounds that I can't seem to get rid of.  So it's going to be back to the food diary and calorie counting (http://www.livestrong.com/ has a fantastic tool that lets you track what you eat and how many calories you consume! and it's free!!!  so that will be my best friend for a while).  I'm also going to be very bad and look into some diet pills.  The girls at work swear by this one which isn't expensive at all, so I'll probably give the lady a call tomorrow.  I really want to lose these last 10 pounds for good.  And I want to do them right, not through a post-break-up-famine route like I did last summer.  That didn't stay off.



I've got a very busy day tomorrow.  I'm going to wake up early, finish Unit 2 for my online (bullshit) class.  Go to Craven Community College for a lecture at 11am about smart financial decisions.  Then off to the Y for some bus route training at 1:50pm (I'm a back up bus driver for them as well).  Work at Cato afterwards til close.  Then home for dinner and bed.  Oh, and sometime in all this I need to straighten the apartment and put away all the clothes Dad sent me!! 

This week is going to fly by.  It already is.

My feet are killing me.  But I'm effectively becoming very busy. 

Today is day one of two jobs.  I started last week easing into teaching the the Y, but this week, it's on.  And due to entertaining my friend Kelley this weekend, I wasn't nearly as prepared as I'd hoped to be.  And on top of that, Cato scheduled me to work both days, so Tuesday and Thursday are officially nuts.  I'm fixing to go teach my PM Body Boot Camp, and I'm going to be honest -- I'm going to totally wing it.  I have three lesson plans I've used for my AM Boot Camp, and so I'll take and borrow from all three.  I think we may even go outside -- it's really nice here.

But what's really nice??  Sitting on my couch with my feet propped up.  Sitting down for the first time in 5 hours feels mighty nice.  I really don't want to get up and go change clothes for work at the Y.

I am going to crash tonight!  I have a feeling I'll be in bed early -- at like 9pm.

Meeting Goals

Today was a great day.  A tiring day (it's only 5:15pm and I could go to bed right now), but a great day.  Today I met one of my goals -- I ran a 5K.  I kept trying to come up with excuses to not go, because it intimidated me.  I'm not a very good runner, and I'm not super competitive.  I enjoy jogging on my own everyday (I average 2.5-2.75 miles per run), but races?  They're for fast runners.  Not for me. 

But I got up this morning, and did it.  Not only did I just do it, but I did well!  I only paused for a walk once, and after that, it was a steady pace all the way to the finish line.  And I came in first for my age division!  Granted there were only three of us in the division, but still... That's pretty exciting for chunky me!

So I received a giant purple Mum plant as a prize (it was the Mum Fest 5K, so the prize is quite appropriate).  And I'm really proud of myself.  For going out there and doing it, and finishing with flair, and for not being the last person to cross the finish line.



I am also continuing to attend church and Small Group (our version of "Sunday School"), and they're continuing to enrich my life.  So two goals have been met, and I can honestly say that they were really good goals for me to make!  I'm hooked on church, and on running 5K's now.  :) 

Men and Women

So I was stumbling around the internet (check out stumbeupon.com for further instruction on the concept of stumbling), and found this article that made me smile:

http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~an4m/fun/thoughtful-look

A Thoughtful Look at Men and Women




SHE DRIVES FOR A RELATIONSHIP. HE'S LOST IN THE TRANSMISSION

By DAVE BARRY



CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a

long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a

guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys,

it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what

women mean by the term relationship.



Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks

her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights

later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They

continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them

is seeing anybody else.



And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to

Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize

that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"



And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud

silence. She thinks to herself, "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I

said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he

thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't

want, or isn't sure of." And Roger is thinking, "Gosh. Six months."



And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of

relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd

have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we

are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just

going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading

toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready

for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?



And Roger is thinking... so that means it was... let's see... February when

we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's,

which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil

change here.



And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm

reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,

more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed

it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why

he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of

being rejected.



And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission

again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.

And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What

cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a

goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.



COMMUNICATIONS GAP



And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,

too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the

way I feel. I'm just not sure.



And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.

That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.



And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight

to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a

perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do

care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in

pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.



And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a

goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...



"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to

brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She

breaks down, sobbing.)



"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really

know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.



(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries

to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he

thinks might work.)



"Yes," he says.



A BEFUDDLED BEAU



(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel

that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."



(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to

become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it

involves a horse. At last she speaks.)



"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.



Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured

soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he

opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply

involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never

heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that

something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure

there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's

better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding

world hunger. )



IT'S ANALYSIS TIME



The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,

and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In

painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he

said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,

and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible

ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for

weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never

getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball

one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before

serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"



We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about

different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot

communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than

she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of

Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:



Huh?



But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want

to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember is:



1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a

relationship. The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant

the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your

everyday conversation, such as:



"Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, inasmuch as we have a

relationship?"



"Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship!

You and I do, I mean."



"Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our fourth

child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have a

relationship!"



"Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about

a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of

marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."



Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and

eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might

even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other

guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have,

ummm... We have, ahhh... We... We have this thing."



And he will sincerely mean it.



The next relationship-enhancement tip is:



2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment. By "hasty," I mean,

"within your lifetime." Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments.

This is because they never feel ready.



"I'm sorry," guys are always telling women, "but I'm just not ready to make

a commitment." Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were

turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350 degree oven on July Fourth, and

they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.

Relationships are like the Parts of a Tree

I don't know how you feel about Tyler Perry.  But I love him.  I love his movies.  Because they cross lines.  They cross racial lines to bring issues in today's society to the forefront: abuse, cheating, drugs, prostitution, and the issues of marriage.  They are movies that anyone of an adult age can appreciate and relate to.  There is so much wisdom and real life application in these movies.  They make me cry.  They make me laugh.  They give me advice.  They encourage me to keep my chin up.

One of my all time favorite clips comes from the Tyler Perry play of Tyler Perry Goes to Jail.  This was recently made into a movie, but the movie was very different from the play.  I want to share this clip with you.  I watch it sporadically (including last night) and it brought to me such peace and justification for my past.  Please watch it, and be amazed and how Tyler seems to speak directly to your soul and your past.  And be encouraged that life exists, happiness exists, outside of the pain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE

(Enabling was disabled, so I couldn't put the actual video in the blog, but please take the time to watch it.  I promise it's worth your time.)

It's odd sometimes... The people who comment on your status or write on your wall.  There are a great many people who I've kind of lumped into this pile of people who don't care about me and therefore I don't care about them either.  Mostly camp people -- who I feel like I don't trust.  Who didn't get along with me at camp, who I didn't like at camp...  It's just kind of funny how things work out.  Those you think you hate are the ones commenting on your status three years later, and those that you were close with you don't ever hear from, or aren't even "friends" with them on facebook.

These tiny olive branches of support and encouragement that they give me, it's just so unexpected.  I don't know how to react or respond.

But it's a plesant stunned.  Plesantly surprised.  Reminds me to drop the grudges, negativity, and just live my life with a positive attitude.

I Hope to Dance

This song came on at work tonight, and the only line that registered with my brain was "Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter."  And once again, it felt like God was sending me a message.  This song, it's a well known song.  I loved it when it came out.  And when it came on the radio tonight at work, I was even humming along with it.  But I wasn't singing or thinking about the lyrics -- until that one line.  And I kind of just stopped in my tracks, with clothes in my hand.  And even though I've let go of a lot of my anger, I'm still bitter.  Bitter enough to be told by a strange guy at a bar "Stop being so angry". 

Maybe I'm not as anger-free as I thought.  I have truly come a long way in the past couple of months.  There's no boasting in that statement.  But perhaps my progress isn't as far along as I thought.  I still don't believe or trust guys.  I still think that pretty much everything they say is a lie.

Am I suppossed to just open up?  After all this?  Just... Open up?  I've been so let down, hurt, and disappointed, that I can't ever go back to the open hearted girl I was.  Who believed that each guy had such potential.  And yet, this one line is all I hear.  And I need to open up.  I need to really let go.  I need to stop being so angry.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance


I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance


(Time is a real and constant motion always)
(Rolling us along)
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)


(Time is a real and constant motion always)
(Rolling us along)
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
 

The Christmas Spirit

I am soooo excited about Christmas!  I am always excited for Christmas.  And this year, I have been smart about Christmas shopping -- I've spread the shopping out throughout the entire year!  I started December 26th of last year, and have been finding things throughout the year.  Today was my day off from work, and I decided that after teaching my class at the Y, I'd go do some Christams shopping!  It's such a nice day: chilly, sunny, and I had such a great morning! 

And I found a great deal at Bath and Body Works!!  They were having a 2-for-1 deal on their big candles, and my Aunts love candles.  So off I went!!  So I got four candles (one for Genny, one for Pam, one for Mom, one for Nanny), and a bunch of little things -- I got some nail files, $1 bottles of lotions, and hand sanitizer to use for litttle gifts for the co-workers and the Dare County Center girls.  I also got four $5 mini candles to give to the girls at Cato.  So I'm well on my way to being ready for Christmas!!  But I have a lot more to get ready.  I have four checkbook covers to make, more dishcloths to crochet (oh the dilemma-- to make some for everyone or just for Aunt Genny??), more stocking stuffers to buy for the girls at Cato, and things to buy for friends (particularly Kelley -- I haven't found anything for her yet!) and family (Nanny and Papa's box is so empty, I have a few items left to find for Dad, and food to cook).

Good thing I have two more months before Christmas!!


To Do:

Dad: How to score baseball book, baseball score sheet book, gloves to wear to baseball games, make gag gift (stained apron), buy a word-a-day calendar
Aunt Genny: make checkbook cover, crochet dishcloths, gift certificate to local quilting shop(?)
Aunt Pam: make checkbook cover, crochet dishcloths (?), make wine bottle carrier (?)
Uncle Scott: GC for professional business cards (?)
Papa: make baked goods
Nanny: make checkbook cover, get grad photo framed

Real Poetry

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king. 
~JRR Tolkien, "Song of Aragorn"
 
That is real poetry.  That makes you think.  Inspires you.  Moves you.  That is beautiful.  And I love it.  Perhaps I should read some Tolkien...

I used to be able to write poetry endlessly.  The words and melodies would flow effortlessly from my pen... I was never without pen or paper to catch the things that would come to mind.  I had notebooks and journals filled with my thoughts -- which were so complex and beautiful and braided with light and dark.

I lost that ability in college.  Poems and words came sporadically.

Now... I sat with my poetry journal in my lap for 15 minutes before something came.  And that something was not much of anything.  But I will share it here.  Because here I'm exposing all of myself -- my inabilities, my shortcomings, my struggles.

This poem was a struggle.  I don't like it.  It's unfinished.  It's rough.  It doesn't flow smoothly.  There are not allusions or illusions or metaphors true to my writing style.  To read it makes me frustrated.  Makes me want to ball it up and throw it away.  But despite the lack of beauty in this poem, it's so true.  My pen wrote the naked truth.  Which is why I'm sharing it.  Because the naked truth isn't pretty, it doesn't flow, it's rough, and it's not a masterpiece.  It's just the truth.

Neither Nor                                             

At the intersection

of speckled and smooth

there's an in-between.

Neither nor the other.

Somewhere a clock ticks

barging in unwanted

but necessary.

Time.

The in-between sucks me in.

Neither chaotic

nor settled

I lie.

Between the two I sink away

hiding.

But what is there to face anymore?

Like a 19th century army

I've retreated from the battle lines.

I've written my letters

and snuck away

far from my old life

and into obscurity.

Just a haggard, scarred soldier

sauntering un-noticed into town

weary and dirty

carrying their life with them,

things few and far between.

Quietly becoming a piece of the daily tapestry --

just a thread.

Unimportant enough to not be noticed...

Routine of obscurity becomes habit

and habit becomes comfort.

Numbness is comfort.

Neither speckled nor smooth.

Will there be an awakening?

This calmness in life

is uncharacteristic.

Can I care less than this?

Is that possible?

Desire to feel is all there is --

What is there to feel?

Day in and out is the same:

calm,

simple routine

that fills my day but doesn't excite my soul.

There is beauty and appreciation

in everyday.

But my soul is vegetative.

My life is mindless.

I need resuscitation...

Monkey Bread!  A true classic!!!  And it's what I made tonight on this Fall rainy day...  I'm so excited to eat it!!!!

Please pardon the poor color -- this was taken on the crappy blackberry phone, which doesn't take very good pictures :(

Recipe can be found here.