2016 began with a multitude of changes and a myriad of goals. I'm proud to say that all the changes have been positive changes, and that I'm making slow but steady progress towards my goals. I haven't lost sight of my goals for this year like I have in previous years...
But part of my new employment is having to complete a certification course for the field. We started the course on Thursday and it runs through Friday. We learn a lot about liability, responsibility, and equipment. But they also touched on the emotional stress that my job can cause, and how to deal with said stress in healthy ways. In discussing stress, they educated us about the different stages of a stress response... First you have the Action stage where a fight/flight response occurs and multiple hormones (adrenaline and cortisol most importantly) are released to provide your body with enough energy to handle whatever stress/crises you find yourself faced with. Then comes the Restoration phase, where the hormones subside and your body returns to it's homeostasis. However, if you never get to the Restoration phase and your body is never allowed to recover, you enter the exhaustion stage. Where stress hormones remain in high amounts that result in multiple physical and mental side effects.
These side effects include:
-Depression
-Anxiety
-Moodiness/Angry Outbursts
-Overeating
-Weight gain
-Fatigue/Lack of Interest in daily life
-Inability to get motivated
-Difficulty in losing weight
Holy freaking crap. So that's what's wrong with me!! In my previous job, I lived on such stress that I was never able to recover... My stress hormones literally created the weight. And my inability to recognize/deal with this made sure that weight stayed.
It's crazy to me that for someone so educated who has been told time and time again that cortisol is akin to the devil never connected the dots in her own life.
I can finally understand why I am the way that I am right now. My previous job got me so stressed out that I literally developed ALL of those! And now that I'm in a much better employment situation, I'm suffering from the leftover effects... I developed depression and anxiety at my previous job, and now that's affecting my ability to feel confident in my new job, which is in turn creating more anxiety and depression. With anxiety and depression comes continued hormone imbalance and continued difficulty in managing my weight.
Now that I finally understand my lack of progress and it's source, I actually feel kinder to myself. I actually treat myself with a little bit more understanding and grace. I'm actually breathing just a little bit easier. Because I understand that my perception of the world is not the reality, but rather the world as viewed through anxiety/depressed lenses.
I literally had an epiphany about stress in this very poorly constructed training.
I don't feel like my anxiety/depression is as out of control as it was six months ago. HOWEVER, knowing that it's still affecting my life and my world, perhaps it's time to continue seeking treatment to reduce it's influence.
