Seriously going through some major emotional up and downs... Confidence followed by anxiety followed by doubt.

I Need Roots.

I want my own place.  Or maybe what I really want is to feel a sense of permanency, of roots.  I look around my "home" (rather, my place of residency as I wait for my next residency to be ready -- four months to go!)  and although it is very comfortable and roomy, it just doesn't feel like home.  Nothing is unpacked or decorated or organized like I would want it.  And I have very little motivation to change it since in the back of my mind I know I'm only here for four more months...  And yet, I know that where I'm moving to in 4 months is a bedroom in someones home.  I know she will try to make me feel as comfortable as possible and as welcomed as possible, but the fact remains: it's not my place.

I know I'm on the edge of a true adult life -- where my job pays the bills and there's even some left over.  And that until I get to that point I will not have what I crave (roots).  But oh man... I just want to feel some sense of being settled...  So ready to be and stay organized...

Pinterest

If you haven't heard of Pinterest, you need to google it.  It will be the death of me.  I am so addicted!  There are so many good ideas and recipes and outfits I want to try!!

To Do (via Pinterest):
- Find/Buy some soft/plain t-shirts to make scarves with
- Cover a cookie sheet with some cute fabric for a magnetic board for my craft nook
- Purchase some wooden crosses and paint them and layer them
- Take a hot pot holder and sew into a flat iron pouch
- Take a hand towel and sew into a travel tote for toothbrush/paste/etc
- Get some foam tubing from Lowes and turn it into an awesome wreath
- Start a quilt!

Giving Thanks

On Thanksgiving, I have an opportunity, as do all Americans, to reflect on my life and the countless blessings that have been bestowed upon me.  And I'm going to do a little reflecting here...

First of all, I'm thankful for the faith in God that I have found and nourished this year.  I know that there is so much more that I should be doing to further this relationship, but I am happy and proud of what I have accomplished so far.  Being able to turn my stress and problems over to a higher power provides such deep calm in my life...

I am thankful for my Grandparents.  They have been such a wonderful blessing to my life.  Without them, I would be unable to be doing what I'm doing right now (and doing it without having to take a loan out).  They are so generous and kind and selfless -- I hope to one day be even 10% as wonderful as they are.

I am thankful for my Dad and my Sister.  They are two people that are always there for me, supporting me, picking me up when I fall down/apart, making me laugh, and showing an infinite interest in what's going on in my life.  Without them, I would feel incomplete.

I am thankful for the Church I have found.  I have made some nice friends, enriched my soul, and been accepted despite the fact that I'm unable to be very involved.

I am thankful for all of the physical things that make my life that much more comfortable, convenient, and easy.

I am thankful for the PTA program.  It's providing me challenges and will offer me a way to provide for myself.  I just pray that I will pass the boards and not let my teachers down...

I am thankful for Daniel.  He's been such a positive addition to my life.  He brings smiles, support, laughter, logic, understanding, and patience.

I am thankful for the job that I have.  There are so many people who don't even have the luxury of a part time minimum wage job like I do... And I'm very aware of this blessing.  I do not take it for granted.

I am thankful for Music.  It brings me through so much... The artists that I listen to (and they are so varied!) are so important to me...

I am thankful that I have all my physical abilities.  That I do not have to suffer through a disability -- both emotional and physical.

I am thankful for CarolinaEast Hospital.  For sponsoring me through school and giving me the opportunity after school of a job...  I hope I fulfill their needs and wants!

I am thankful for all the little blessings that I haven't mentioned and often forget in my day to day life that I take for granted until I consider what the kids of Africa may have to be living through.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for so very much... Just thinking about it gets me all teary eyed...  So blessed.  So very blessed.

Feeling really distanced and disenchanted right now...

I stepped on the scale yesterday and almost fainted.  Six pounds!  I've gained six pounds since October 3rd...  That's what happens when you eat with reckless abandon and stop exercising and then add stress of an ungodly proportion.

I've been "trying" without really trying to do better.  And frankly, I'm just sick of feeling like this.  I need to stop quitting.

Gotta change this.

Family is Everything

I had the blessing of hosting my Sister and Dad this past weekend... It was a visit long overdue and it was exactly what I needed.  I love these two people so much, and we had such a good time.  We took a road trip to Beaufort for lunch one day, campfires, cookouts, and lots of really good food and really good beer. :)  Daniel came and got to meet them.  I think they responded well to him, and he to they.  I was glad that my family got to meet him, but it was also kind of startling: it kind of made me realize how serious Daniel and I are going...  Exciting in that I've been wanting/looking for this.  Scary because it could actually be happening.

And I think he's feeling the same way... I feel like we're kind of distant as a result of the nerves.  He's been burned, I've been burned.  Neither of us want to be burned again...