Tumblr and other Topics

So out of pure curiosity, I started a Tumblr account ( http://blairkl.tumblr.com/ ) recently.  And let me tell you -- I've found it to be incredibly interesting!!!  It's very easy to use, and has been an excellent way for me to explore some topics I'm interested and to find some really great blogs.  Particularly about health information, tips, and hot topics.  LOVE it!  And I'm also using it for some much more casual blogging (because I have no life and no friends so I blog haha).  So check it out!  It's really interesting!!! A cross betweeen blogger, facebook, and twitter.

On my tumblr, I shared an email that my friend Kelley sent to me  ( http://blairkl.tumblr.com/post/6358587926/untie-the-rope ).  This one email has validated and inspired many of my decisions lately.  It validated the tattoo (which I still love by the way!).  It inspired a hair cut (Chris had asked me to grow it out when he was gone, so this was kind of another freeing experience.  And I love it too!).  And it also inspired me to suggest a move out date to my Mom this afternoon.

I am proud of myself for standing up for myself to my Mom, who has settled into my apartment and gotten so comfortable that she never thought I'd ask her to leave.  She was obviously surprised when I said it, but I gave her two months notice so she could have time to figure things out.  I asked if it was enough time and she responded "I'll make it be enough time."  sigh.

It's hard not letting her guilt trip get to me.  I understand her position and her fear and her anxiety, but the fact is, like the email said:  She's not functioning on my level nor does she want to help herself so I can't help her anymore and I need to untie that rope and let her life be her life.  I don't want her to be homeless or live in her car or anything horrible like that -- she's my Mom and I care about what happens to her.  But she cannot depend on me.  She is at an age where she should be capable of caring for herself.  And she needs to do that.  And unfortunately, she's put me in a position where I have to make decisions like that.  I wish she hadn't, but it is what it is.

I've done what I could to give her a leg up in life and to give her some extra time to put her life together.  It was suppossed to be a one month long event, and by the end of July she will have had five months.  I just simply can't anymore.

I love her.  I wish the best for her.  I want to help her and I want her to succeed (and I wish I could have been there to help her make it happen).  But it's time.