How Do You Pray when You Don't Know What You Want to Say

How do you begin praying when you are so frustrated and confused that you literally don't know where to begin?  I left church this morning feeling so uplifted and inspired by the Grace and wisdom and beauty of God that I felt more whole, more humble, more of a true follower of Christ than I was before.  The message spoke to me, the songs moved me, the company around me was supportive and just bursting with love for the Lord.  Today was going to be a good day.

I was so looking forward to Small Group, where we would be tackling another chapter in Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, a book which has so far challenged me Spiritually and encouraged me to really think about faith and church and spirituality and religion -- where they differ, where they intersect, how American Church approaches them, and how I approach them, should they be approached differently?  I went to the beach to read this weeks chapter (Chapter 5), and I was looking forward to reading it.  I went to the beach to have some one on one time with God, to spend at least part of my time there devoted to praising Him and studying His word, and to read this weeks chapter. 

But it was not the wholesome, plesant experience that it has been.  It was scattered, un-focused, confusing, and hard to read.  On one hand Chan was speaking about the forgiveness of God, the next about how Salvation has already been determined.  I was left feeling frustrated and confused.  I didn't understand what Chan was trying to say.

And small group just left me feeling more frustrated and confused than I was before.  Typically, small group is a place that brings it all together, ties up the loose ends, and I leave feeling comforted and warm and uplifted.

I left in tears.  Because suddenly, I didn't know where I stood with God.  I felt severed from Him.  I don't feel worthy of baptism and salvation -- between my past and the fact that I feel like I need to know more about Him and Jesus before I can rightfully make that decision.  Otherwise, isn't it just a phony decision?  Isn't it an uneducated decision?  How can you profess to believe in something if you don't know the whole story?  Faith, yes, I know. 

So now here I am.  My heart is knotted.  My mind is restless.  I don't even know where to begin in reaching out to God.  I need God more than ever in this instant.  "Pray, God is at your hearts' door" my friend Emily tells me.  And while I know this to be true -- I don't even know how to begin this prayer!

God, reach me.  Break down this barrier.  Fill my heart.  Remove whatever this is that is built up.  Let me know you.