All Good Things

This past weekend, I spent it in Fayetteville visiting Josh.  Josh was very excited for me to come visit him, and I wasn't.  My heart wasn't in it, but I wanted to give it one more shot.

It was such a horrible weekend...

We went from almost no physical contact to making out for hours and him pushing for more.  Total turn off.

His style of cuddling? Smothering.  I like to cuddle, but he wanted every inch of our bodies touching and it was just too much for me.

Thursday night, we're laying in bed half naked, and all of a sudden he's talking about his ex.  I literally said "Why are you talking about her?  You have a half naked woman in your bed."  Like really... what the fuck??

He kept using extreme adjectives to describe the most benign things -- how he hated fruit or how he hated the drivers in Fayetteville.  It just reminded me too much of Aaron, who used the same negative attitudes and it eventually came to describe me and belittle me.  Major red flag.  I want someone who is tolerant, even keel, and calm!

He took me as his date to his Unit's Christmas Party.  I was expecting an adult cocktail hour.  It was a family Christmas party primarily for the kids (Santa was coming).  We get there, and he introduces me to three or four people and we get in line for dinner.  Once we have our plates, we go into the dining room.  He takes one look around and turns around and walks away.  We ended up eating alone in another room.  When I asked why, he said he just wasn't interested in meeting people or socializing or making friends.  I couldn't believe this.  I am not a social animal, but I also don't want to be a recluse.

He didn't want to go out or do anything all weekend.  Aside from the Christmas party, all we did was sit on his air mattress and watch netflix.

He asked me what kind of bed I liked to sleep on so that when he goes to purchase one, he gets one that will make me feel comfortable.  Sweet, but totally out of line.  We weren't even in a relationship!!!  That's something you ask when you're pretty seriously dating.

He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to re-enlist or get a job....  He kept asking me my opinion and what to do and all that.  There's nothing wrong with asking someones opinion, but I need a man who knows what he wants to do.  Who has dreams -- he said he didn't care what job he had.  He said he'd be fine working at McDonalds.  Major red flag.

All in all, it was all just entirely too overwhelming.  He wants a relationship.  And I don't feel it.

So I had to end it with him tonight...

And it sucked.  I don't ever want to hurt someone or let someone down.  But I would rather be honest than lie to him.  He took it well.  He didn't seem mad or upset or hurt.  He appreciated the honesty.  But I was still shaken.  This was the first guy with whom I ended it.  I'm still sad that another possibility has ended in burning flames.

But as the saying goes: All good things must come to an end.