Loneliness

Well the family has gone, and life moves on.  I'm in Havelock dog sitting Gambit and Jasper, Chris & Jeanine's awesome pups.  New Bern got about four inches of snow on the 26th, so things here have been slower and quieter than it would normally be for the After Christmas shopping rush.

And with all the snow and all the cold, there has been a lot of down time.  Lots of movie time.  And as I'm curled up on the love seat in Chris and Jeanine's house (their lovely huge house -- they live in on base housing and this is seriously nice.  It makes me wish I were married and well established), the pangs of loneliness are quite strong.  I wish there was a man on the couch with me, that I was curled up with, keeipng warm, snuggling, kissing, rubbing my back.  The quiet, innocent intimacy is what I miss most.  Just having someone with me, next to me.  Touching me.

Emily is on the couch next to me.  Her husband is a Marine and is deployed.  They are half way through the deployment.  I can't imagine the difficulty of a relationship across oceans.  Of having a mate, but that mate being no where near for months.  And these pangs of loneliness that I feel right now -- I imagine that they are a little taste of what she and other deployment wives/husbands might feel. 

Except my loneliness is a faceless one.  There is not one particular person who I'm longing for right now -- I'm just longing for a mate.  I'm longing to have the finish line in sight.  Where as the military mates long for one particular person who can't be there physically with them.  Who can't keep in constant contact all the time.  Where there is a constant question mark above their heads as to whether they are safe or will survive their assignments.  Living in a military area like I do, and having met so many military couples, I've gained so much more respect for the military and their families and loved ones.

This loneliness that I feel...  If Boy B and I continue, this is what I will feel often.  The separation will be constant.  He is who I want to pursue.  I've done long distance.  I know the struggles.  I know how to overcome them.  But I want a close distance relationship.  Not necessarily right away; but eventually. 

Am I crazy to have already considered moving to or closer to the mountains for him?  That I feel that solid of a connection with him that the phrase "move for love" could very well be applied to me?  I want a mate.  I want someone to cuddle with.  I want him.