Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Deep Sleep to Consciousness in 0.29 seconds

Today began horribly.  It was suppossed to start wonderfully.  I didn't have to work until 2pm today, so I could sleep in.  Like really sleep in.  I set my alarm for 11:50am so that if I did sleep in, I'd get up with plenty of time to get ready.  But at 11:30am, I bolted upright in my bed, going from deep sleep to full consciousness in .29 seconds.  Why?  Because in my sleep I realized that I had 100% totally forgotten to go to my required advising meeting yesterday for school!

That's one of the worst feelings in the world for me -- realizing that you totally forgot a deadline or appointment.  I instantly went from realization to freak out/panic attac/break down.  I let myself feel every emotion I wanted to feel -- anger, disappointment, embarrasment, failure, sadness.  I let the tears flow.

But ten minutes later, I had to take a deep breath and collect myself.  Going on like this forever doesn't help a situation.  You have to acknowledge these feelings and feel these feelings, but you can't dwell on them.  I said a little prayer, calmed myself down, and moved on. 

I wrote the director an email, apologizing profusely and letting her know when I could meet her to make it up.

Now?  All I can do is wait.  And hope that this one obstacle won't doom me.  Wait for her response.  Pray for a second chance.  And do better about keeping my schedule straight!

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