What Now?

Today at Deep Water groups with church was an interesting experience.  I'm still trying to feel comfortable in a group of well established friends, and with this whole personal journey business, I've become pretty quiet and reserved.  So being in a room of strangers with big personalities is pretty intimidating.

But that's not why today was interesting.

I'm not sure if there was a reason why, but tonight seemed to be lovey-dovey PDA night.  (90% of the deep water group is young married marine couples).  It wasn't the gross PDA, but the sweet awesome PDA that every girl wants in a relationship.  The little kisses on the shoulder.  The cuddling.  The arms around the waist.

It was nice to see so much love in a house.  But it made me feel pretty alone.  And even more left out.  You know the deal...

I don't want this blog to become just a source of annoyance and bitching about how I'm single.  I kind of feel like it's become like that.  Constantly complaining about how I want a man.  Haha.  But honestly, it's just what happened tonight and how it made me feel.  I'm so happy to have met so many people here that have such amazing realtionships with their husbands (invariably nearly everyone I've met here so far is married).  Maybe this is why I'm here.  To re-gain the belief in love and in marriage.  Whether or not I get it.

I began this whole blog as a Karmic Quest to find myself.  To change.  To evaluate.  And I've done it.  I've achieved many of the goals.  Done a lot of reflection and questioning.  Deciding.  Positive decisions.  Balancing.

I've figured out what (some? haha) of my issues are.  I've fixed them.  I've scruitinized myself.  I've set standards for myself.  I've completed projects.  Begun habits I enjoy (love running in downtown!!).  Landed jobs.  Returned to church.  Working on friends and community establishment.  Completed projects that I'd put off (crochet blanket, amy butler purse).  Done things for me, that I enjoy. 

Improving oneself is a never ending journey I would think.  But I'm at a stalling point.  I'm at a point where I can comfortably and in good conscience check off most of the goals I outlined for myself at the beginning of this.  So what now?  I don't want to stagnate.  Stagnatation leads to complacency.  Which leads to regression.

What do I work on now?  What's missing from my life that I can put into my life by myself -- without needing a significant other?