Let's Talk About Sex

Sex.  It's a slippery slope, a grey fuzzy line.  It's an important part of a relationship, of this I will agree.  But it makes me nervous these days.  Is he really interested just in the poon?  Or is this one real -- is he really in it for me, and sex is just another way to grow closer as a couple?  I can see the debate in my head now...

Sooo... Is he just after sex?  I have no idea.  My walls are up.  Sex is a part of a relationship.  But after my recent experiences, I've kind of become scared of sex.  Scared of how it can be used against me.  How it can hurt me.  How it can change things (for the negative) in a relationship.  I don't want to be used or abused for something.  I don't want to perform actions because I feel like I have to, because if I didn't he wouldn't stick around.

I've gotten too much self respect for that shit.

And I've been upfront about it.  I am not interested in friends with benefits.  That sex should wait.  And if he leaves or loses interest, then oh well.  No loss on my end.  I'd rather he left if that's what he were after than see me as a 'challenge' to achieve.  After all, I'm the "forever" kind of girl.

It scares me, all of this.  I am a strong woman, but after everything and my current life re-evaluation... In some aspects I've become stronger (no sex), but in some I've become weaker and less confident (how to interact with guys, figuring out what they're really after, what's real and what's a line, etc).