Fabulous

Fabulous.  I want a reason to be fabulous.  A reason to dress up, doll up, curl up my hair.  To embrace the inner girl that I typically neglect.  A reason to wear impossible shoes.  A reason to wake up with aching feet with blisters and bruises.  I want to feel glamorous.  Adult.  Chic.

I bought two beautiful dresses and all I want to do is have a reason to wear them.  An occassion.  And all I can think about is a romantic night with a man, drinks, food, and classy music (jazz, classical, swing).  I want a night out of the 1940's -- like in the movie Pearl Harbor where they all meet up before everything changes. 

I want a man who will do that with me from time to time.  Who will take me out for a fancy night.  A slow dance.  Soft, lingering looks from across the table.

Overly romantic.  But it's true.  I love buying beautiful dresses and shoes and putting them on for the reaction.  Knowing that he can't take his eyes off of me.

Granted, all this is unattainable right now due to my lack of man.  As well as lack of friends (If I can't have a man to dress up with, there are always dinner parties with friends.  It's a poor second place, but an enjoyable one none the less).

It's not that I'm complaining for want of man.  I'm just recognizing that a little part of me is lonely for something.  My life is too busy, too unsteady, too unpredictable for a realtionship.

Haha.  Saying that makes me think of this scene from a movie I love:


Ugh.  Yes.  I want a relationship.  But I also recognize that I haven't seen what I want yet, so it's easy for me to say I'm not interested in having something that to my mind doesn't exist (the perfect guy for me with all the right qualifications, references, and completed application.  Who treats me right, respects me, has a sense of humor -- heck, just read the post I wrote about what I'm looking for in a man.  Geesh).

Show me that man and I'll change my mind about not wanting a relationship right now.  But chances are, you won't be able to show me that (real - not hollywood) man (who's single and straight).