God Is Seriously Sending Me Messages

So today was another unemployed lonely day.  Another day on my own with no purpose.  And as always, another day where I try to keep busy.  So I did some crafting.  Some straightening up.  And then I went to the beach to spend some time.  It was cloudy and threatened to rain all day, but never did.  So by 2:30pm I was so bored that I decided to risk it and drive to the beach and pray that it didn't rain.  The minute I reach the outerbanks?  It starts raining!  Great.  But I had nothing better to do, so I decided to wait the rain out.  Thankfully I only had to wait about 15 minutes, then off onto the beach I was.  Made some progress on the book (The Master and Margarita) at the beach, enjoyed some family watching, and thorougly enjoyed some surfer boy watching! Haha.  What can I say?

So after an hour, I drove home.  And I couldn't stop thinking about how lonely I was...

Anywho, so I decided to rent "The Back-Up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez.  I wanted to see it in theaters, but I just can't justify spending so much money to see a movie.  Such a cute movie!!! Loved loved loved it!!  But even in  this romantic comedy, God was sending me a message.  Now some of you may think that I'm going off the deep end with God sending me messages.  But I have to defend my thinking on this.  Because it's not new messages.  It's the same messages over and over -- that I need to open myself up and let people in.  Essentially, I have to lose the bitter attitude I've gained this summer.  The Back Up Plan is about Zoe, who dates countless men but none of them work out (sound familiar?).  But she's now 30 and with no one in the picture, she decides to take matters into her own hands and gets inseminated (not sure I'd take it that far).  And as soon as she's pregnant, she meets someone. But her past experiences with men prevent her from opening herself up, letting people in, or trusting them.  Again -- sound familiar?

Of course, she can't let the guy in and she ends up heartbroken.  But by the end of the movie she lets him in and all is well.

But even in the romantic comedy God presents me with a character who is independent, driven, honest, and loyal but who doesn't trust people.  And she ends up very much alone because of this.  And if she doesn't fix this, she will be alone forever.

I have got to let this bitterness go.  But it still hurts so much...  I have let go of a lot of the emotions and hurt, but the sting is still there.  I want friends.  I want a boyfriend.  I'm so lonely without them.  But I know I need to heal myself and this bitterness first.