Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

I need the Lord now.  More than ever.

Chris did intentionally stand me up yesterday.  He responded to my facebook message and wants to end it.  Citing the fact that he'll be gone for 7 months and can't really trust me -- he'll never know whether or not I cheat.  Citing reasons that he himself had reasoned away -- that 7 months isn't that long, that it'll fly by, that we can make it, etc.

None of it makes sense.  At all.  And I've come to the conclusion that he's just scared.  Petrified of leaving, of me hurting him.  So he wants to protect himself and do the hurting so it's not an issue later.  We were fine all weekend -- there was not even a hint that this is how he felt.  We sat on the beach and talked about how we were going to miss each other, and I said that when I came to the beach, I'd sit there and think of him and send him a kiss.  He hugged me so tight.

I finally let my guard down and was falling for him, and he was falling for me, and then this... His boys talked to him, told him stories about how they were cheated on, whatever.  Filled his head with fear and dread.  Because this wasn't him.  Not him at all. 

So I'm broken hearted.  On Valentines day.

But at least it's because he's scared and not because he doesn't care....  I have that as solace...