Letter becomes Blog Post

Originally began as a letter to Chris, to tell him what I did last night.  But in the process of writing it, I realized this was better suited for a blog post! :)  So if I make reference to Chris, that's why.
So yesterday I’m sitting on the front porch of the Garcia’s reading my Nicholas Sparks book and enjoying the beautiful day (it was in the 70s and just beautiful; even if the wind was pretty strong) and my phone rings. The caller ID says it’s Katherine, so I pick it up and answer it, excited to hear from her. But it’s not Katherine on the phone, it’s Ryan!!!! Now let me back up a little bit. I’m not sure I told you who Ryan was? Well Ryan and Katherine dated for over a year and a half, and she just broke up with him like two months ago because he’d been a real butt head to her about where she was in life (depression and not sure what to do next and all that). But she ended things in a way that they continued to talk and communicate. He wanted (and wants) her back. Ryan and Katherine began dating when she and I were in college and Stacey, Kat, and I lived together in 1D (our apt number), so we all became really good friends with Ryan. Such good friends that he’s the gruff protective older brother I always wished I had. I wish y’all could have met before the deployment… And we were talking about you last night and he said “I wish I could have met this kid” – he takes it upon himself to meet, judge, and warn any guy that pursues me lol. But he’s a cool guy – he’s a big guy, former Marine (was stationed at Cherry Pt) and just recently moved back home to Mississippi (part of the reason Kat and him broke up was that he moved home without telling her). Well turns out he flew up to be with Kat for the next couple days – her grandmother had a stroke 2 days ago and they’re all worried about her. Kat’s dad flew to Arizona (where grandma is) to help grandma, so Kat was left at the house alone. (Told you it was kind of a long story; and I’m just getting started! Lol)


So I’m super stoked to hear from Brother Ryan (who I may refer to as “Brother” or “Ryan” or “Brother Ryan” interchangeably) because I haven’t seen him in like six months and he’s in town and he’s like “Come down to Kat’s and we’ll drink some wine and cook dinner and then we’ll all go out to karaoke.” So I’m there – lickety split. As fast as I can. Not only am I excited to see Ryan, but I’m also excited because I took the fact that he flew up as a good sign, that they were working things out and were on the road to getting back together (which I really hope happens!! If they can just let go of the stupid petty stuff and quit being so tit-for-tat, they’re perfect for each other!).


So I get there and we open some wine (no corkscrew – we had to use a literal screw and pliers! It was awesome!!) and are talking and we get on the subject of Stacey. And how a lot of people aren’t big fans of hers (they think she’s too immature and crazy; which she can be but she’s got a good heart). Then Ryan mentions what his buddy Barry used to say about 1D: “There’s the crazy one, the cool one, and the virgin. And you’ll know which one is which the minute you meet them.” (By the way, apparently I’m the cool one! Woot woot!) And we’re laughing and I tell them what Garrett said about Stacey: “I couldn’t get drunk enough.” And we’re laughing. And I say “I can’t blame the guy. Stacey stole all his blankets! I walked in there and he was on the couch with pillows on top of him trying to stay warm.” Then Kat says “I wish I’d been there.” Well stupid me, totally not realizing she was sending me a hint, says with a what-are-you-talking-about face “You were.” BOOM! Ryan gets all upset and is like “You WERE there weren’t you?” And he storms out and I’m just like ‘what just happened? What did you dooo Blair??’ And I look at Kat and I’m like ‘I’m soooo sorry. I didn’t know. But why did you lie to him? Nothing happened.’


So I managed to deflate the happy balloon in the space of 20 minutes of being there. I felt awful for spilling the beans (which I didn’t even know there were beans to spill about that weekend!). But at the same time, I couldn’t believe Kat lied to Ryan about it. I mean, literally nothing happened. And one of the many things I’ve learned in my relationships is that lying about something innocent makes it seem like it wasn’t innocent at all. So Kat and Ryan are arguing in the living room and she’s trying to cover one lie with another and I’m just standing in the kitchen confused as to whether or not I should leave or be there to mediate. So I decide to give it a little bit and see how it goes.


They simmer down, and come back into the kitchen. Ryan begins drinking heavily (obviously still mad) and Kat’s all jumpy and nervous and unsure about what to do and is trying to give peace offerings which Ryan is totally ignoring. So I get Ryan talking about the house he’s helping his Uncle gut and rebuild which distracts him. And things loosen up (although he’s still pissed at Kat) and we’re listening to music and talking and a cab is called (insert Jersey Shore imitations of “Cab’s are here!”) and we’re at a small little beach pub called Paddy’s.


Really cool bar – low key, not over crowded, and plenty of places to sit. Of course Kat’s miserable because she knows she fucked up, and Ryan’s miserable because he loves the girl but he’s tired of the lies (side note: his wife cheated on him while he was in Iraq and basically screwed him over big time and pretty much every other girl he’s been with has lied and cheated, so lies don’t go over real well with him). And I’m just like, good grief. Well, we drink. And we drink. And we take a shot. And they are STILL being sticks in the mud! I’m like “Blair, you’re going to have to do something to get these two laughing.” So I get them up dancing. We’re attempting to drunkenly imitate something along the lines of swing dancing (of course none of us have any real experience with swing dancing so we are probably looking like idiots but we’re having a blast doing it). I drag Ryan out of his slumped over state and get him going and he’s laughing and kat tries to cut in to dance with him and he goes and sits down. So Kat and I dance. And they lightened up – still mad at each other, but a lighter mad. I don’t know. When you’re mad like that, you gotta laugh. Because if you laugh, you let loose. If you let loose, you let go. And if you let go you forgive and move on.


We left not too long after that and I came on home (didn’t want to be there in the morning when they woke up and tried to sort it all out!). It was an interesting night. I know, completely pointless story. But it’s what happened on this side of the world in my life. :-p


I love Kat and Ryan. But I look at their relationship and I see a lot of things that I did in my first relationship. And it just reminds me how much I’ve grown and matured. And how my view has changed. Three years ago, I did the same thing. I lied about nothing. I was immature and played the tit-for-tat games – I wanted the “upper hand” in the relationship. I was just so caught up in the stuff that doesn’t matter.

And through the past two years and the different relationships I had in that time, I learned a lot about what I want in a relationship. How I want to hold and conduct myself in a relationship. That lying is pointless – it’s going to come out anyway, so you might as well just be honest about it. That games are draining – they never end once they start and it takes a positive relationship and turns it into a nasty beast. That “power” or “upper hands” in a relationship don’t foster happiness, but rather frustration and irritation and that I want an equal, not a minion or a dictator. That your partner might make you mad over something (spilling Sprite in her car, Valentines Day, etc), but you can’t keep score against the other person.

You can be mad for a while, but you have to let it go. And when you let it go, you have to let it go. You have to forgive, erase the scoreboard, start fresh, and move on. You do this (let go, forgive, move on) because you care about the other person. Because you want the both of you to be happy. And if you cant let go – regardless of how little or how big – then it’s not love. And if it’s not love, then it’s not going to last. And if it’s not going to last, why waste any more of your time?


Harsh perhaps. But it’s true.