Oh what a day.
I talked to my manager, LeAnne today about everything. And since she's kind of like my adult mentor here, she really brouht me back to reality. And through the course of the day, I realized that Bryan really isn't ready for me and everything that I have to offer. That because of this, we will not exist as a couple for a long time; if ever. Probably never. Because he will find some hippie, pot-smoking skinny girl who goes to App who is easier to maintain a relationship with than me. Because I want someone who's ready for me. For what I have to offer.
It's frustrating. To be given the hope of a future, of a happily-ever-after, and to then have it all taken away with the slap of reality. It's confusing -- why can't I have someone, why can't I have the happy ending, why haven't I found either of those???
I keep reminding myself that good things come to those who wait, and that God has a plan for me. But those words only go so far to stem the frustration, annoyance, loneliness, and worthlessness that I feel.
May I refer to you the Rascal Flatts song, "Bless the Broken Road"? Or the Barbra Streisand song, "Lullaby to Myself"? Or perhaps the hit from A Chorus Line, "One"?
ReplyDeleteI remember the loneliness of being unattached. But I also remember Saturday mornings, when I would walk downtown. I'd have breakfast wherever I wanted, shop as long as I liked in the used book store, browse in all the boutiques, and then linger over that new-to-me book at lunch in a favorite restaurant.
Enjoy the time to be selfish guilt-free and to explore the world Your Way, to try new things and get better at the ones you find are really fun. The Right One will come along. God just has to get you both ready first.