Grrrrr indeed.

Tonight I have a lot on my mind.

Mom is moving in tomorrow for a month. Or, what is suppossed to only be a month.  What I pray will only be a month.  There is so much stress, anxiety, resentment and anger all built into this.  I fear it will not go well.

And I'm in the midst of a "grrr" moment with Chris.  Perhaps I put too much of my time and my self into letters to him -- they rarely are under 6 pages long.  Perhaps I expected too much of letters from him (even after he told me he isn't a writer).  But I just feel disappointed this week.  No response from an email I sent him (and when I asked about it, he apologized and brushed it off by explaining that he'd been busy, which I'm sure he had been, but that doesn't eliminate my frustration).  And the excitement of receiving letters followed by the disappointment that they were so short -- the longest was 2 pages (one sided) of note pad size...  Sigh.  All I want to do is talk to him and tell him everything.  And getting these letters -- I wonder if I've fallen too hard, too fast for him?  Am I being clingy?  Am I irritating him with my constantly long letters and jabbery emails?  Am I putting myself too far out there?

My friend Suja reminds me to be patient.  That he did warn me that he isn't a wordy person.  That he loves me, and that not everyone can be a letter writer.  Which I know all of this is true.  And I'm trying to remind myself of this.  But I can't shake the irritation right now.  I'm not looking to be catty and go tit-for-tat.  But I don't want to be used.  I'm not, by any means, saying that I'm done or anything like that.  This kid is going to be huge in my life.  And part of a relationship is the frustrations and irritations.  And I'm just in the middle of one of those, where he's 7200 miles away.  Grrrrr indeed.