I'm now reading The Alchemist in my spare time. My Sunday school class is doing a group read of The Wild Goose Chase. And it's funny how they are so similar -- talking about wild adventures and never knowing where you'll be! Here are some quotes in my reading tonight...
"You dream about your sheep and the Pyramids, but you're different from me, because you want to realie your dreams. I just want to dream about Mecca."
"But the sheep had taught him something even more important: that there was a language in the owrld that everyone understood, a language the boy had used throughout the time that he was trying to improve things at the shop. It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of a search for something believed in and desired."
"I know why I want to get back to my flock, he thought. I understand sheep; they're no longer a problem, and they can be good friends. On the other hand, I don't know if the desert can be a friend, and it's in the desert that I have to search for my treasure. If I don't find it, I can always go home."
"Making a deicsion was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that willl carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision."
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Full to Bust
Ever get that feeling in your stomach -- it's kind of knotted up, the tips of your index finger tingles, the air feels fresh against the skin of your arms, and even the crickets chirping outside the open window gleans an air of intense feeling? It's a combination of excitement, nervousness, curiosity, adrenaline, and newness. I don't know what this unknown is. I don't know what's causing it. But it's here. It's set up camp in my body, and it's not going anywhere. As if I know I'm about to pull up to a cliff, where the road drops off without warning and will take me somewhere completely different. Even my horoscope for today speaks about this! "Perhaps you've been impatiently waiting for the moment to jump into new adventures after your meditation during the last few months. Know that the moment has almost arrived! You now have the strategy, objective, and means at your disposal to succeed. Just a bit more work remains to be done. Gather your strength and ge...t ready to take action with renewed vigor."
What will the new adventure be? The new direction? The new path? Is it a person? A decision? A literal trip to somewhere? A hobby? A thing? A song? A book? What is it coming my way that will change everything?
I'm full to bust about all this. I'm so excited! I'm so ready for an adventure!! For a rush of everything that comes with an adventure.
What will the new adventure be? The new direction? The new path? Is it a person? A decision? A literal trip to somewhere? A hobby? A thing? A song? A book? What is it coming my way that will change everything?
I'm full to bust about all this. I'm so excited! I'm so ready for an adventure!! For a rush of everything that comes with an adventure.
What the Hell was That?
Yesterday was point blank out of control. Seriously. ECU played in-state rival NC State at ECU (my alma mater) yesterday, and I was lucky enough to score a ticket! So I drove up to ECU yesterday morning for a full day of Greenville.
I hadn't really been to Greenville since I moved out in May, and it felt odd to be back as an alumni. It had been so long that I had forgotten what Pirate Nation was like on gameday -- and Lord let me tell you it was awesome to be back!
I went to Heather's first to stop in at the fraternity tailgate. I got there at 10am, and let's just say that it was pretty dead. There were maybe 10 people there -- none of whom I was really friends with -- and it was a good .75 mile from the stadium. So after a bit Stacey and I began migrating. We stopped at the bottom of college hill to say hey to Megan, then walked up the Hill and I stopped and said hey to John, his brother, and one of my old bosses. Then it was off to the game!
The game was NUTS! ECU hasn't been very good this season, and NC State has been very good this season. So I was prepared for a total shellacking! But we led State 21-0 through three quarters -- it took them til the 4th quarter to catch up with us, and long story short -- the game went into overtime, and we won by intercepting the ball!! I couldn't believe how well we played!!!!! And it was awesome to be a part of the 50,000+ Pirate Nation in the stands that day. Definitely the right game for me to go to!
After the game I went with Kelley and her Parents to UBE, then met up with some fraternity brothers for dinner at my favorite mexican resturant Mi Cabana.
I attempted to hang out with John after dinner, but he was a total flake. I went to his apartment and waited for him to show up, and when he did, he was like "Oh, I'm going to the House to drink." Gee thanks John. So I felt like a total loser for calling Stacey and Heather up and asking if I could get ready at their place.
But then it was off to a "Highlighter Blacklight Party" with the fraternity. Lord, let me tell you -- that is not my crowd anymore. I was not entertained in the slightest. Thankfully JC had similar opinions, so he and I just kind of hung out on the bar stools while the fraternity ran around getting as drunk as they could as fast as they could. I don't know... It all just felt so juvenille and stupid. I'm not trying to be all "Holy-er than thou" or whatever, but seriously. I just felt so old and mature at this party.
Now I have to back track a little for this next piece of the story. Back when I lived in Greenville, we had some neighbors who we partied with and had a good time with (and slept with on occasion lol). Well one of the neighbors was Josh -- a super nice guy (who I never slept with btw). A couple days ago he randomly messaged me through facebook to come hang out at dinner. I had to work that night, but told him that I'd be in town Saturday for the game and I'd get up with him then. Well before dinner on Saturday, I messaged him back (thank God for my blackberry!) and asked him what was going on that night and all that. He said to come hang out at the pig pickin they had, but I declined in favor of Mi Cabana (hey -- it's my favorite resturant in all of Greenville! Don't judge me :-p), but said that if they were heading down town later that night, to let me know where they ended up and I might come hang. One more detail: there was a lot of "sweetie"s and "baby doll"s in the texts he sent me.
SO now that you're all caught up... LoL. So at the Highlighter Party, he texts me and is like "We're at Live. Come kick it" So I tell him I'm planning on heading over there at 11pm. I end up getting there are 11:30, and let me tell you -- Live is a pretty cool place. So I walk up to the bar and say hey and get a beer, and turn around, and Meghan's there (one of their friends who we'd hang and party with back in Greenville)! It was so good to see her! But like 20 minutes after I get there, the rest of his gang is ready to go. So I teasingly say "What? I paid $6 for 20 minutes?" Long story short -- he ended up staying! We had a couple more beers, got caught up with eachother, had some pretty in depth conversations... It was really nice to hang out with a guy who isn't a total tool bag!
But I swear, I couldn't figure out if he was flirting with/gunning me or not!! There was some light touches to the waist and shoulder, there was all the "sweetie"s in the texts. He stayed after his friends left (and all his friends gave him the 'Yeah man, get it!!' look). He wanted to go see the stadium and run the field and lay down and look at the stars (it was locked up so we just looked through the gates). And he offered for me to spend the night at his friends place since it was so late (he said he'd sleep on the floor??). When he offered that, I teasingly said "AKA you mean 'Blair, do you want to come sleep with me?'" and he just kinda laughed as if he'd been caught. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? Was he just being a nice guy since it was so late or was he flirting with/gunning me? Ugh.
I like Josh. He's a super nice guy. I just have no idea... I think I'm over thinking and over hoping. It was just friends. Otherwise he'd have kissed me or something. As the movie says -- "He's just not that into you." Yeah. It was just friends. :) And let me tell you -- I am okay with that!! He's a friend I'd like to have for a while.
I hadn't really been to Greenville since I moved out in May, and it felt odd to be back as an alumni. It had been so long that I had forgotten what Pirate Nation was like on gameday -- and Lord let me tell you it was awesome to be back!
I went to Heather's first to stop in at the fraternity tailgate. I got there at 10am, and let's just say that it was pretty dead. There were maybe 10 people there -- none of whom I was really friends with -- and it was a good .75 mile from the stadium. So after a bit Stacey and I began migrating. We stopped at the bottom of college hill to say hey to Megan, then walked up the Hill and I stopped and said hey to John, his brother, and one of my old bosses. Then it was off to the game!
The game was NUTS! ECU hasn't been very good this season, and NC State has been very good this season. So I was prepared for a total shellacking! But we led State 21-0 through three quarters -- it took them til the 4th quarter to catch up with us, and long story short -- the game went into overtime, and we won by intercepting the ball!! I couldn't believe how well we played!!!!! And it was awesome to be a part of the 50,000+ Pirate Nation in the stands that day. Definitely the right game for me to go to!
After the game I went with Kelley and her Parents to UBE, then met up with some fraternity brothers for dinner at my favorite mexican resturant Mi Cabana.
I attempted to hang out with John after dinner, but he was a total flake. I went to his apartment and waited for him to show up, and when he did, he was like "Oh, I'm going to the House to drink." Gee thanks John. So I felt like a total loser for calling Stacey and Heather up and asking if I could get ready at their place.
But then it was off to a "Highlighter Blacklight Party" with the fraternity. Lord, let me tell you -- that is not my crowd anymore. I was not entertained in the slightest. Thankfully JC had similar opinions, so he and I just kind of hung out on the bar stools while the fraternity ran around getting as drunk as they could as fast as they could. I don't know... It all just felt so juvenille and stupid. I'm not trying to be all "Holy-er than thou" or whatever, but seriously. I just felt so old and mature at this party.
Now I have to back track a little for this next piece of the story. Back when I lived in Greenville, we had some neighbors who we partied with and had a good time with (and slept with on occasion lol). Well one of the neighbors was Josh -- a super nice guy (who I never slept with btw). A couple days ago he randomly messaged me through facebook to come hang out at dinner. I had to work that night, but told him that I'd be in town Saturday for the game and I'd get up with him then. Well before dinner on Saturday, I messaged him back (thank God for my blackberry!) and asked him what was going on that night and all that. He said to come hang out at the pig pickin they had, but I declined in favor of Mi Cabana (hey -- it's my favorite resturant in all of Greenville! Don't judge me :-p), but said that if they were heading down town later that night, to let me know where they ended up and I might come hang. One more detail: there was a lot of "sweetie"s and "baby doll"s in the texts he sent me.
SO now that you're all caught up... LoL. So at the Highlighter Party, he texts me and is like "We're at Live. Come kick it" So I tell him I'm planning on heading over there at 11pm. I end up getting there are 11:30, and let me tell you -- Live is a pretty cool place. So I walk up to the bar and say hey and get a beer, and turn around, and Meghan's there (one of their friends who we'd hang and party with back in Greenville)! It was so good to see her! But like 20 minutes after I get there, the rest of his gang is ready to go. So I teasingly say "What? I paid $6 for 20 minutes?" Long story short -- he ended up staying! We had a couple more beers, got caught up with eachother, had some pretty in depth conversations... It was really nice to hang out with a guy who isn't a total tool bag!
But I swear, I couldn't figure out if he was flirting with/gunning me or not!! There was some light touches to the waist and shoulder, there was all the "sweetie"s in the texts. He stayed after his friends left (and all his friends gave him the 'Yeah man, get it!!' look). He wanted to go see the stadium and run the field and lay down and look at the stars (it was locked up so we just looked through the gates). And he offered for me to spend the night at his friends place since it was so late (he said he'd sleep on the floor??). When he offered that, I teasingly said "AKA you mean 'Blair, do you want to come sleep with me?'" and he just kinda laughed as if he'd been caught. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???? Was he just being a nice guy since it was so late or was he flirting with/gunning me? Ugh.
I like Josh. He's a super nice guy. I just have no idea... I think I'm over thinking and over hoping. It was just friends. Otherwise he'd have kissed me or something. As the movie says -- "He's just not that into you." Yeah. It was just friends. :) And let me tell you -- I am okay with that!! He's a friend I'd like to have for a while.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
First Day of Class
So first day of PM Boot Camp was good... I felt like I was kind of thrown into the fire without any preparation. I showed up, and it turns out that Rhonda (my co-teacher) had everything planned out already and didn't really need me. And if she did need me, she kind of just swept me under the rug. A part of me thinks it's a bit of a relief to not have the entire program on my shoulders. But a part of me is annoyed that she didn't communicate with me what was going on. I like to be overly prepared, and I wasn't even given the handout to review so that I could intelligently speak on it. I also felt slighted that she put her business card in with the packet but didn't give me an opportunity to share my contact information. She also collected all of the contact info for the participants and kept it for herself. I understand that it's her show, but I'd like to be kept in the loop, thank you.
The class itself will be a small class -- only 7 participants. I like this number as it's big enough to not feel too awkward, but small enough to be able to attend to everyone's needs.
There's a wide range of particpants -- some have completed a boot camp before, others are extremely overweight and are obviously not active at all. So I'm excited to work with them. I'll be leading Tuesdays where we will be focusing on cardiovascular/aerobic exercise. There will be a lot of drills, sprints, running, push ups, mountain climbers, and several spinning classes. I'm excited. I'm also nervous as Rhonda is very fit. I'm talking Jillian Michaels fit. And I'm just average Jane. But I am excited to get to know the participants, and to push them to meet some goals!!
I came home tonight from the first Boot Camp and felt inspired. I cooked myself an extremely healthy meal and enjoyed it to the T! I also felt inspired to work on weight loss. I have ten very stubborn pounds that I can't seem to get rid of. So it's going to be back to the food diary and calorie counting (http://www.livestrong.com/ has a fantastic tool that lets you track what you eat and how many calories you consume! and it's free!!! so that will be my best friend for a while). I'm also going to be very bad and look into some diet pills. The girls at work swear by this one which isn't expensive at all, so I'll probably give the lady a call tomorrow. I really want to lose these last 10 pounds for good. And I want to do them right, not through a post-break-up-famine route like I did last summer. That didn't stay off.
I've got a very busy day tomorrow. I'm going to wake up early, finish Unit 2 for my online (bullshit) class. Go to Craven Community College for a lecture at 11am about smart financial decisions. Then off to the Y for some bus route training at 1:50pm (I'm a back up bus driver for them as well). Work at Cato afterwards til close. Then home for dinner and bed. Oh, and sometime in all this I need to straighten the apartment and put away all the clothes Dad sent me!!
This week is going to fly by. It already is.
My feet are killing me. But I'm effectively becoming very busy.
The class itself will be a small class -- only 7 participants. I like this number as it's big enough to not feel too awkward, but small enough to be able to attend to everyone's needs.
There's a wide range of particpants -- some have completed a boot camp before, others are extremely overweight and are obviously not active at all. So I'm excited to work with them. I'll be leading Tuesdays where we will be focusing on cardiovascular/aerobic exercise. There will be a lot of drills, sprints, running, push ups, mountain climbers, and several spinning classes. I'm excited. I'm also nervous as Rhonda is very fit. I'm talking Jillian Michaels fit. And I'm just average Jane. But I am excited to get to know the participants, and to push them to meet some goals!!
I came home tonight from the first Boot Camp and felt inspired. I cooked myself an extremely healthy meal and enjoyed it to the T! I also felt inspired to work on weight loss. I have ten very stubborn pounds that I can't seem to get rid of. So it's going to be back to the food diary and calorie counting (http://www.livestrong.com/ has a fantastic tool that lets you track what you eat and how many calories you consume! and it's free!!! so that will be my best friend for a while). I'm also going to be very bad and look into some diet pills. The girls at work swear by this one which isn't expensive at all, so I'll probably give the lady a call tomorrow. I really want to lose these last 10 pounds for good. And I want to do them right, not through a post-break-up-famine route like I did last summer. That didn't stay off.
I've got a very busy day tomorrow. I'm going to wake up early, finish Unit 2 for my online (bullshit) class. Go to Craven Community College for a lecture at 11am about smart financial decisions. Then off to the Y for some bus route training at 1:50pm (I'm a back up bus driver for them as well). Work at Cato afterwards til close. Then home for dinner and bed. Oh, and sometime in all this I need to straighten the apartment and put away all the clothes Dad sent me!!
This week is going to fly by. It already is.
My feet are killing me. But I'm effectively becoming very busy.
Today is day one of two jobs. I started last week easing into teaching the the Y, but this week, it's on. And due to entertaining my friend Kelley this weekend, I wasn't nearly as prepared as I'd hoped to be. And on top of that, Cato scheduled me to work both days, so Tuesday and Thursday are officially nuts. I'm fixing to go teach my PM Body Boot Camp, and I'm going to be honest -- I'm going to totally wing it. I have three lesson plans I've used for my AM Boot Camp, and so I'll take and borrow from all three. I think we may even go outside -- it's really nice here.
But what's really nice?? Sitting on my couch with my feet propped up. Sitting down for the first time in 5 hours feels mighty nice. I really don't want to get up and go change clothes for work at the Y.
I am going to crash tonight! I have a feeling I'll be in bed early -- at like 9pm.
But what's really nice?? Sitting on my couch with my feet propped up. Sitting down for the first time in 5 hours feels mighty nice. I really don't want to get up and go change clothes for work at the Y.
I am going to crash tonight! I have a feeling I'll be in bed early -- at like 9pm.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Meeting Goals
Today was a great day. A tiring day (it's only 5:15pm and I could go to bed right now), but a great day. Today I met one of my goals -- I ran a 5K. I kept trying to come up with excuses to not go, because it intimidated me. I'm not a very good runner, and I'm not super competitive. I enjoy jogging on my own everyday (I average 2.5-2.75 miles per run), but races? They're for fast runners. Not for me.
But I got up this morning, and did it. Not only did I just do it, but I did well! I only paused for a walk once, and after that, it was a steady pace all the way to the finish line. And I came in first for my age division! Granted there were only three of us in the division, but still... That's pretty exciting for chunky me!
So I received a giant purple Mum plant as a prize (it was the Mum Fest 5K, so the prize is quite appropriate). And I'm really proud of myself. For going out there and doing it, and finishing with flair, and for not being the last person to cross the finish line.
I am also continuing to attend church and Small Group (our version of "Sunday School"), and they're continuing to enrich my life. So two goals have been met, and I can honestly say that they were really good goals for me to make! I'm hooked on church, and on running 5K's now. :)
But I got up this morning, and did it. Not only did I just do it, but I did well! I only paused for a walk once, and after that, it was a steady pace all the way to the finish line. And I came in first for my age division! Granted there were only three of us in the division, but still... That's pretty exciting for chunky me!
So I received a giant purple Mum plant as a prize (it was the Mum Fest 5K, so the prize is quite appropriate). And I'm really proud of myself. For going out there and doing it, and finishing with flair, and for not being the last person to cross the finish line.
I am also continuing to attend church and Small Group (our version of "Sunday School"), and they're continuing to enrich my life. So two goals have been met, and I can honestly say that they were really good goals for me to make! I'm hooked on church, and on running 5K's now. :)
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Men and Women
So I was stumbling around the internet (check out stumbeupon.com for further instruction on the concept of stumbling), and found this article that made me smile:
http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~an4m/fun/thoughtful-look
A Thoughtful Look at Men and Women
SHE DRIVES FOR A RELATIONSHIP. HE'S LOST IN THE TRANSMISSION
By DAVE BARRY
CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a
long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a
guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys,
it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what
women mean by the term relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks
her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights
later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They
continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them
is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to
Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize
that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud
silence. She thinks to herself, "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I
said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he
thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't
want, or isn't sure of." And Roger is thinking, "Gosh. Six months."
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd
have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we
are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just
going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking... so that means it was... let's see... February when
we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's,
which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil
change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed
it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why
he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of
being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What
cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
COMMUNICATIONS GAP
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the
way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight
to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a
perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do
care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in
pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to
brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She
breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really
know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries
to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he
thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says.
A BEFUDDLED BEAU
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel
that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it
involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he
opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never
heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding
world hunger. )
IT'S ANALYSIS TIME
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he
said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for
weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never
getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball
one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before
serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about
different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot
communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than
she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of
Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:
Huh?
But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want
to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember is:
1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a
relationship. The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant
the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your
everyday conversation, such as:
"Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, inasmuch as we have a
relationship?"
"Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship!
You and I do, I mean."
"Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our fourth
child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have a
relationship!"
"Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about
a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of
marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."
Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and
eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might
even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other
guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have,
ummm... We have, ahhh... We... We have this thing."
And he will sincerely mean it.
The next relationship-enhancement tip is:
2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment. By "hasty," I mean,
"within your lifetime." Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments.
This is because they never feel ready.
"I'm sorry," guys are always telling women, "but I'm just not ready to make
a commitment." Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were
turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350 degree oven on July Fourth, and
they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.
http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~an4m/fun/thoughtful-look
A Thoughtful Look at Men and Women
SHE DRIVES FOR A RELATIONSHIP. HE'S LOST IN THE TRANSMISSION
By DAVE BARRY
CONTRARY to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a
long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a
guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys,
it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what
women mean by the term relationship.
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks
her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights
later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They
continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them
is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to
Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize
that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud
silence. She thinks to herself, "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I
said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he
thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't
want, or isn't sure of." And Roger is thinking, "Gosh. Six months."
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd
have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we
are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just
going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading
toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready
for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking... so that means it was... let's see... February when
we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's,
which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil
change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed
it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why
he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of
being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What
cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a
goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
COMMUNICATIONS GAP
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the
way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight
to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a
perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do
care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in
pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to
brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She
breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really
know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that... It's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries
to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he
thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says.
A BEFUDDLED BEAU
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel
that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it
involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured
soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he
opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply
involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never
heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's
better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding
world hunger. )
IT'S ANALYSIS TIME
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he
said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for
weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never
getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball
one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before
serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
We're not talking about different wavelengths here. We're talking about
different planets, in completely different solar systems. Elaine cannot
communicate meaningfully with Roger about their relationship any more than
she can meaningfully play chess with a duck. Because the sum total of
Roger's thinking on this particular topic is as follows:
Huh?
But the point I'm trying to make is that, if you're a woman, and you want
to have a successful relationship with a guy, the No. 1 tip to remember is:
1. Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a
relationship. The guy will not realize this on his own. You have to plant
the idea in his brain by constantly making subtle references to it in your
everyday conversation, such as:
"Roger, would you mind passing me a Sweet 'n' Low, inasmuch as we have a
relationship?"
"Wake up, Roger! There's a prowler in the den and we have a relationship!
You and I do, I mean."
"Good News, Roger! The gynecologist says we're going to have our fourth
child, which will serve as yet another indication that we have a
relationship!"
"Roger, inasmuch as this plane is crashing and we probably have only about
a minute to live, I want you to know that we've had a wonderful 53 years of
marriage together, which clearly constitutes a relationship."
Never let up, women. Pound away relentlessly at this concept, and
eventually it will start to penetrate the guy's brain. Some day he might
even start thinking about it on his own. He'll be talking with some other
guys about women, and, out of the blue, he'll say, "Elaine and I, we have,
ummm... We have, ahhh... We... We have this thing."
And he will sincerely mean it.
The next relationship-enhancement tip is:
2. Do not expect the guy to make a hasty commitment. By "hasty," I mean,
"within your lifetime." Guys are extremely reluctant to make commitments.
This is because they never feel ready.
"I'm sorry," guys are always telling women, "but I'm just not ready to make
a commitment." Guys are in a permanent state of nonreadiness. If guys were
turkey breasts, you could put them in a 350 degree oven on July Fourth, and
they still wouldn't be done in time for Thanksgiving.
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