It never fails with me--my assumptions and plans are often altered by forces out of my control. This particular change has been in the books for about a week now. But I needed a lot more time than usual to allow myself to settle. Because it's not a welcome change.
As a bit of a background/history, in my school program, we are required to go on four clinicals throughout the curriculum. In the last semester, there are two clinicals back to back: a 4 week long clinical and a 6 week long clinical. For my previous two clinicals I had to travel no less than 45 minutes one way, so I assumed that my last two clinicals would be more local. Not to mention I'd spoken with the professor who makes the assignments and let her know that I need a local assignment because I have to work no less than 20 hours a week because I support myself.
Well, for the six week long clinical, I was assigned to and given no option out of a clinical 2 hours away from where I reside. Her logic? My boyfriend lives only 45 minutes from the site, which is a reasonable commute to her.
Now there are a couple of points in this whole situation that really get under my skin.
1. She completely disregarded my need to work to support myself, saying I can work on the weekends and on spring break (mind you, I might be able to get 10 hours max on the weekends, and 20 on spring break. But this doesn't take into account driving back to New Bern on the weekends to work, driving back to Greenville to the boyfriends, then driving to Tarboro everyday! She essentially wants me to be sleepless and miserable it seems)
2. My ability to have a say in what clinicals I am assigned was taken away from me.
3. She is essentially forcing Daniel and I to live together for about a month and a half. This is a very big decision for a couple to make, whether it be a temporary situation or a permanent situation. This is a decision that should not be taken lightly, or rushed into. It should be discussed, considered, weighed, thought out. But my professor has robbed us of that choice. We're being rushed into it. And I really don't like that. It is not her place nor is it her right to assume that we can just co-habitate when I've never lived with a boyfriend before. And it's not like Daniel and I have been dating for a couple of years. We just reached the six month mark...
Of course, Daniel is being a champ like he always is and says that I'm more than welcome to stay with him. But he feels the same way I do: pissed off that this woman who he doesn't even know is cornering us into a decision we would have never considered beforehand.
Now that I've had a week to simmer down (and boy did I need simmering down!), I feel that I'm able to look at things just a bit more objectively (just a bit; still pissed). So since I can't change the situation (and believe me I've tried), I'm trying to focus on the positives:
- The site is a great site, where I will have a wide variety of exposures and experiences.
- Dad has also been a champ and has offered to pay for the gas and food portions of the bills, which cuts my need to work in half.
- By being two hours away and not able to work during the week, I will be able to focus completely on my internship and not be stressed to get to work on time. I'll be able to come home after work, relax, review, cook dinner, and get a good nights sleep.
- This will be a big test of Daniel's and my relationship. We're kind of getting to that crossroads in our relationship where if you continue the relationship, you're basically agreeing to the long term (and golden rings). So since we've been kind of a long distance relationship (45 minute drive), this will give us the opportunity to really get to know each other and see if this is as good as we think it is.
I'm still madder than hell at this professor. But I've been able to separate the irritation, compartmentalize it, and move on/function.
When I spoke to my friend Emily about this (who is oftentimes wiser than her years), she reminded me that God often puts us in these situations to teach us about being resourceful, responsible, and even forgiving. There's always a lesson. There's always a reason. And I might need to be at this location for some greater reason. This location may change my life in some way.
The point is, I need to give it to God and trust. And that's what I'm doing. My fire has calmed, and I'm accepting it. Since I know my finances are going to be okay (Dad is such a blessing in my life), I can look at the situation and wonder -- what mission am I being sent on?
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