What a Week!!

Oh my goodness...  The past week has been a legitimate rollercoaster for me.  I took my boards last Tuesday, and then was in a state of limbo until yesterday when I found out whether I passed or not.  It was the longest week of my life, fraught with stress, emotion, and frustration.

But in the midst of all of this, some good things occurred -- secured myself a new fitness job, which is very exciting!  I'll be teaching some Monday/Wednesday/Friday morning Boot Camp classes (see http://beyondfitphysiques.com/ for info about what that's all about) and I'm super stoked about it!  I'm excited to be involved with a group of wonderful women who will help motivate and encourage me to be more steadfast with my own habits (I've already noticed changes!).  Teaching is honestly one of my favorite things to do.


Daniel has also applied for a position with the local police department in my town and has an interview on the 2nd.  It's very exciting for him (and for me! I'd love for us to be closer!!) and so prayers would be greatly appreciated as he begins the process.  He's also signed up to take his motorcycle class the weekend of the 5th, which successful completion means he can carry passengers (aka ME!).


And Tuesday was the big day --- the day I found out whether or not I passed my board exam, which determined whether or not I could begin working at the hospital, which determined my financial health.  So no pressure!  I was at work and checked the website for my name on my lunch break -- nothing popped up.  I wasn't sure when they would begin posting, so to double check (and to see if I'd simply failed), I checked one of my classmates.  There her name was.  I checked mine again.  Nothing.  I'd failed.  I called Daniel and just burst into tears... My world was reeling.  I thought it could happen, but I'd been praying so fervently that it wouldn't happen.  I would have to work at Cato for three more months.  What about my financial support?  Would that continue or would that get cut off?  Would I have to move to SC?  Then a small flicker of hope sprung up in my mind --- maybe they were posting alphabetically and hadn't gotten to the L's yet.


I got back on the website and checked several classmates who alphabetically came after me.  Not a single one was posted.  The flicker of hope burned a little brighter.  I called Daniel back and explained my theory.  He supported it (but then again, why wouldn't he?  He was hoping for this pass as much as I was).  But I was so rattled that I couldn't stay on the phone with him after telling him what the website was and how it worked.  There was no way I was going to be able continue checking the website.  So I decided to meekly sit and attempt to eat my lunch (although my stomach was in such knots of fear and anxiety that it was quite difficult) in quiet -- to calm myself down, and to try and stop the flow of stress-induced tears.


Five minutes into this attempt at peace, my phone rang.  It was Daniel.  "Alright PTA License Number 4-8-5-9... YOU PASSED!"  I literally jumped up and down, in circles, did a strange star looking jump, and yelled (yes, in the middle of my workplace) "I PASSED!"  My life wasn't over.  My worst fears weren't realized.  I'd been spared extended torture and having to re-take the hardest test I've ever taken in my life.

I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.  Spreading the news to my friends and family was like handing them happiness.  I'd made them proud and not disappointed them.  It felt so fantastic that I was finally at that point where I could say: "I'll be starting my career in two weeks."








I am pleased to say that 11 of my classmates also experienced the same joy I felt.  But I am broken hearted to say that 1 felt the worst pain and anguish imaginable.  Please keep this one student in your prayers as she prepares to re-study and re-take the exam in October.  She is an amazing person and deserves to be a PTA -- if you knew her, she'd be just as much as an inspiration to you as she is to me and my classmates.






So now I'm just waiting to be making "big girl money," to have a normal and regular schedule/routine, and to have health insurance (Woooooohooooo!).  I know there will be lots of bumps and learning curves, but I'm just so excited that I'm choosing not to focus on that right now.


God brought me through one hell of a week, and I couldn't be more grateful for the work he's done in my life.  Because it was truly God who opened this PTA door for me.  Without God in all this, I would have never heard of or gotten into the program, moved New Bern, established a deeper relationship with Him, or gotten into a relationship with Daniel (THE mister), or found the housing I've found.  His fingerprints are all over my life...

I am beyond irritated.  You think I was in a mood, well buddy, let me show you a mood.  Let me show you the cold worlds of my moods.  You want to make a snarky comment just as I'm getting to the time where I'm biochemically predisposed to moods, on top of not knowing whether or not I passed/failed a career deciding exam and am going crazy over it?  Well "honey," let me show you a mood...

Positive Influences

This last move has been such a positive path for me... My landlady/housemate/friend and I have really used this opportunity of co-habitation to push each other.  To encourage each other.  To create an environment of positive lifestyle choices.  Challenging each other to take the steps we need to take individually and to help hold each other accountable.

One of the lifestyle choices we're targeting is our weight/fitness.  This encompasses exercise as well as eating a better diet and balancing those indulgences.

Another aspect we're trying to challenge each other with is our dedication to studying the Bible and seeking out mentors and wisdom/guidance from them.  This challenge has been great!  We've both found mentors and are seeking the path for deeper faith.  I am very excited about this!!

I've just really enjoyed having these positive influences in my life, which are helping me grow into a better person -- one which is more mature and who has better lifestyle choices.  This move to New Bern has been one of the most difficult and challenging times of my life, but has really been such a blessing.  And I pray that this journey continues and leads me into more and more positive places! :)

Heart for Divorce

Tonight my heart breaks for all the wonderful, beautiful women I know that are going through divorce...  It seems to me that so many couples are going their separate ways this summer, and it just hurts.  I hurt for them -- for the fear, the pain, the unknown, the betrayal, the lost love, the lost stability.

It takes two to tango, but those who I know in these situations -- they're the ones my heart and prayers go out to.  For relief, healing, hope, and direction.  For the priceless gift of laughter each day as a break from their tears and frustrations.  To know that God loves them, and that they can do all things through Him.

It makes me scared of marriage.  It makes me question all of it.  It makes me wonder if the good couples are out there, and if Daniel and I will qualify as a "forever" or not.  You hear scorned men and women say "Never get married," and you wonder if you should take that advice or not...

All purpose flour won't rise.  To make it rise add:

For each cup of all-purpose flour, add 1 1/4 teaspoons of baking powder and 1/4 teaspoon of salt.

I Done Got Away

Other than visiting Daniel or my family, when was the last time I just got away in the past two years?  Honestly, until this weekend, I hadn't just gotten away. Not until this weekend, anyway.

I was invited to ride along with my housemate/landlady to visit some mutual friends 2 hours away.  I accepted the invitation, and as a surprise to me, my family deposited some surprise "fun money" into my account.  Honestly -- every time that's happened before, I spent it on bills instead of fun.  But this weekend? I spent some of it on some fun.  WHAT a breath of fresh air.  I hadn't been to the movies in months, and I went.  I hadn't gone out to IHOP in months, and I went.  I hadn't stepped foot inside a clothing store (other than the one I work at) in months, and I did (and enjoyed window shopping).  It was just so nice.  To get away.  To enjoy good, quality company/friendships.

Jeanine, who we went to visit, made a funny statement regarding how things have been for me the last year -- "Fun? What's that?"  And it's the damn truth.  I had literally forgotten what it was like to allow myself to have some fun.

And now I realize what a priority it is.  To allow yourself some time for fun.  For friends (which I have not put as a priority and have honestly isolated myself from opening myself up to making friends -- all this stress has led me to constructing and maintaining a wall against friends).

So now I'd like to make a list of things I'd like to do around here for fun.  So that I can fully experience this area while I'm here.

Fun -- who knew it was so important??

No Matter What May Come

On my way home from work on Sunday, this song came on the radio:

"I'm not about to give up

Because I heard you say 

There's gonna be brighter days... 

I won't stop, I'll keep my head up 

There's gonna be brighter days...

When life won't play along

And right keeps going wrong

And I can't seem to find my way

I know where I am found

So I won't let it drag me down

Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway...

I've got to hold it steady

Keep my head in the game

Everything is about to change

(everything is about to change)

This hurt is getting heavy

But I'm not about to cave

Everything's about to change

There's gonna be brighter days...

No matter what may come

Gotta move to a different drum

No matter what life brings

Gotta move gotta move to a different beat...."

After the past few days of worry, stress, and frustration, these words felt so heaven sent -- words of encouragement, strength, perseverance, determination, and faith.  I needed to hear these exact words.  Because they are true.  Life isn't playing along, and right keeps going wrong -- it's as if I can't find my may.  But I can't let it drag me down, I've got to hold it steady, and keep my head in the game, because everything truly is about to change.  These next two months will be a struggle.  They will suck.  They will be hard.  They will be tight.  

But last night?  I thanked God for the struggle.  For the lessons.  For learning how tough and durable and determined I really am.  For learning more about myself.  For learning about what is important in life.  How to prioritize.  Lessons I couldn't possibly have learned otherwise.

I said thank you for all of this.  And the weight was lifted off my chest.

How many times have you thanked God for the struggles, the hurdles, He's placed in front of you?  You should try it... It will be more liberating than you could possibly imagine.