Just yesterday I blogged about how irritable and negative I have been... And after blogging about my attitude, I decided to do something about it.  What did I do for my newlywed irritability?

1. I checked my attitude.  I just told myself it had to stop.  That I was being childish, and that I was not contributing anything positive to my marriage with such an attitude.

2. I prayed about it.  I asked God for help to clean and correct my heart.

3.  I engaged with my husband. I told him about my attitude, and he was amazing and spent a little extra time cuddling, hugging, kissing, loving, and encouraging me.  Just having that physical contact with my husband was a huge help to my attitude.  And being open with him was a huge weight off my shoulders.

4.  My husband and I did our first devotional. And it was amazing.  There was a short scripture, a short lesson, then a discussion question followed by a prayer topic.  Having that conversation and interaction with my husband was so intimate.  Him revealing his weaknesses, me revealing mine, and then praying together over each other... Wow! Talk about powerful! It was the connection I had been longing for and missing and didn't even realize it...

Newlywed Irritability

Today is Daniels and my 2 week anniversary of marriage. LOL.  Silly, but true.  Two weeks!

On one hand, I feel like time has flown by and we haven't gotten nearly as many things done as I thought we would (getting settled, organized) and that the time has gone by very quickly and it's all still very "unreal." But on the other hand, I feel very comfortable with living with him and setting up "our home."

So adjusting to being a married couple is at once both easy and maddening.

And the confliction of emotions is really wearing on me.  I am irritable over EVERYTHING for NO REASON.  I simultaneously am okay with him playing on his computer on the other couch (allowing me to have my own time and space) but also annoyed that he's on his computer on the other couch (not engaged with me or with our life or real life at all).  So I begin sending him the side eye, ESP messages to him, and then sighs, shakes of the head, huffing/puffing, and stomping around.

Bless his heart... He really is trying... He's done more cleaning and pitching in than he's ever done in his bachelor life.

I'm not mad that he's "not trying" or that he "isn't enough."  I'm just irritable.  Period.  For no reason. About everything.

And I really hate it.

I know that it's a personal problem that I have.  So I'm digging my heels in to try and adjust my attitude.  Starting with letting things go. Reminding myself that he isn't ignoring me, and that he is trying, and that I really do like having my own space.  Showing him gratitude/appreciation. And most importantly, bumping up our spiritual time -- increasing prayers, and initiating a couples daily devotion.

Because I want to have those healthy habits in my marriage.  And because I want my marriage to be a good one and a happy one.

Back to Reality as a new Wife

Well, I have been married for 8 days now!! :)

Dad and I during the father/daughter dance

I love this picture of my husband :) <3 nbsp="" p="">

We enjoyed a wonderful 4 day honeymoon to Washington DC that was romantic, stressful, challenging, and happy all at the same time.  It was a great start to our marriage! :)

He was an excellent navigator

In the Capitol's summer house

In the US Botanic Gardens

At Arlington National Cemetery

The Capitol

Goofing off at Mt Vernon

Upon returning home, we've been hard at work every day working on getting things organized, settled, and in better order.  Our little bungalow has been in pure chaos with boxes and bags and no direction, so we've made a good dent in the work that needed to occur.

 Today is the last day of our honeymoon from work, and we both return to "the grind" in the morning. It will be a huge adjustment with the commute, but I'm partially looking forward to getting back into a routine.  My love and I have already come up with a workout plan/routine to suit our long days, and we've both made a commitment to working on eating healthier (which has met with mixed success already lol).

10 more sleeps

Sunday night, and there's finally a hint of fall in the air.  Only a hint... Just enough to tease us that cooler and less humid weather is coming. I just pray that it's sooner rather than later! I am so over the Eastern North Carolina summer weather... I just couldn't handle it this year. I didn't even get to the beach except maybe twice!!


Pretty much sums up how I feel

And it's a very bitter sweet Sunday.  Daniel just left about an hour ago, and as he was packing up to leave, he noted that this was the last time he'll stay in this house.  He pointed out that there are only 10 more nights for me in this house (we're taking a mini get away next weekend).  And that in less than 2 weeks, we'll be husband and wife.

Talk about reducing a girl into tears.

The loss of independence.
The loss of a bed of my own.
Moving away from a home I love with a roommate/landlady that I love.
Moving away from a town that I have grown to absolutely adore.
Leaving one job that has been nothing but a blessing to me by employer, coworker, and clientele.
Leaving behind a church that has literally saved me and means so very much to me.

I was an absolute wreck.  I couldn't help but burst into tears with all of these realizations overwhelming me. Poor Daniel didn't know what to do, but he did exactly what I needed -- he just held me and let me cry.

I am so very excited to become Daniels wife. I am ecstatic that he will become my husband.  And I am looking forward to the adventure that our lives are about to embark upon.

But it is a serious life change.  And as we moved all of my furniture out of "my room" and either into a garbage pile in the garage or into a keep pile in the garage, and my room was slowly but steadily emptied of everything that made it mine, the gravity of what was happening hit me.

I'm now staying in one of the guest rooms to bide my time before my nuptials, allowing me to do touch up paint and cleaning to my old room, and allowing Chrissy to begin moving her craft items and music items upstairs.  Erasing "my room" and creating the "hobby room."

They say that marriage is all about sacrifice.  And I firmly believe (and am experiencing) that the sacrifice begins before you actually say "I do." It begins as you sort through items and give things up that have faithfully followed you from college dorm to college apartment to trade school apartment/trailer to career girl rented room.  It begins as you acknowledge that nothing in life will ever be the same again -- that although it is for the good, it is also for the different.

Tears came so quickly and so frequently this weekend...

Tomorrow begins my last full work week before my wedding. 5 work days this week. 3 work days next week. Wedding that Saturday.  Holy. Freaking. Cow.

A Reminder of the Words "Thank You"

It's so easy to become bitter about serving others. About being disappointed that they did not appreciate the hard work you put in, the time you spent, the thought you applied towards serving someone.  That they didn't provide a big enough reaction (or sometimes you didn't even get a reaction at all, no acknowledgement, and not even a thank you via text).  Sooooo easy to be caught up in this.

Serving and giving to others of your time and talents is what we are supposed to do. (Romans 12:5-8) (Matthew 25:14-30) (Luke 6:38)  Just as we are not supposed to become riled up and angry (Ephesians 4:31).

But good LORD I had to really restrain myself tonight from reacting!  I went out of my way to surprise someone with a thoughtful handmade gift, and one week later still hadn't heard from them that they'd at least received it.  I called them and asked if they'd received it. Their response? "Oh yeah."

Oh yeah!!!! That's it?!?!?! I literally spent an hour arranging this and creating this and left the house early one morning so I could send it. And one week later, I still hadn't heard a peep.

I like being nice. I like doing things for others. I like surprising them and doing things that are tailored for the individual.  I don't do these acts for the "reward" of appreciation, but it's almost a slap in the face when I don't even get a text to say thank you.

What is WRONG with my generation?!  We need to learn some humility, gratitude, and appreciation for others.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Men vs Women

With only one month to go until our wedding day, I am simultaneously less busy yet running around like a chicken without a head.  Less busy with wedding planning and more busy with preparations that are required before a wedding (like packing to move so that we can cohabitate).  And reading. Lots of reading. I'm a researcher. I like to try and be prepared and enter a situation with at least a little increased awareness.

And I can't help but comment on just how different men and women are.  I mean, really.  Us girls, we always want more time, attention, care, connection, romance, and pursuit.  We are completely and totally (or maybe it's just me) devoted and want nothing more than to be the good wife, the wife he wants/needs.  And I know that I work very hard at that.  I work hard with serving him, building him up, expressing my appreciation.

And boys?  Well they are quite a different breed.  They want space, to maintain some degree of individuality, to provide, to protect, to fix, and to fart.  They don't care that much about the touchy feely stuff.

What a disconnect! The things women need and prioritize men don't.  Perhaps this could help explain why so many people have so many relationship issues (married or not).

I remind myself over and over: "Expectation is the root of all heartache." ~Shakespere

Placing the expectation and responsibility on one person to fill every need, every want is unfair.  My future husband isn't perfect and won't be able to do EVERYTHING.  He will love me the best that he is able to, and I have to recognize that, accept that, and appreciate that.

In fact, expecting one person to do everything is kind of expecting him to be like God -- to be able to anticipate all your needs, respond, intervene, and rearrange. It's just lunacy.  Only God can do those things.

Jesus and God must be our first priority.  Husbands/Wives second.

We, as husband/wife are made to coexist, to love, to find satisfaction.  But nothing can replace the relationship with the heavenly Father.  Daniel cannot provide the grace and forgiveness that God offers.

I must remember to keep this in perspective (which I'm sure I will struggle with at times -- my own selfishness and whining and "But I want..." attitude).  That he and I are created differently, with different wants/needs, and that I can't expect anything from him outside of our vows and our faith.

This whole marriage thing -- this is going to be tough.  But I'm ready.

PhotoShoots and Blessings

What a few weeks it has been!

Last week was choc full of photo shoots.  Which is so weird for me to say, as I am not a camera lover.  Rather, I love to be behind the camera, not in front of it.  So to be in front of a camera twice in one week, in a professional manner, was very abnormal for me.

The first session was a personal portrait session last Tuesday.  I was absolutely terrified and self conscious going into it, but I will be honest with you -- it was the best three hours ever. I allowed myself to open up, be vulnerable, and be exposed.  The photographer was amazing -- so encouraging and positive, giving me great direction with posing.  I am so excited to get these pictures back -- I am obsessively checking my email in hopes that the link to the online album will be in there.  I left this session feeling strong, empowered, and beautiful BECAUSE of my curves (not just in spite of them).  So amazing!

Then on Sunday I had my bridal portraits done!!!! I was less nervous for this shoot, as I'd gotten quite comfortable in front of the camera on Tuesday.  It was another wonderful three hour experience, where I got to get all dolled up (again), put on my wedding dress, and walk around Tryon Palace gardens PRIVATELY! Having access to the gardens after the facility had closed, without a single other group of people present, and being able to enjoy the grounds uninhibited while feeling gorgeous and wearing a gorgeous gown -- oh man.  I am also REALLY excited to get these pictures back!!! I got to see a few sneak peaks on the camera during the session, and they are drop dead gorgeous (with much help from the beautiful landscaping).  So I am also obsessively checking my email for that link to the pictures as well!


And during all of this, I've been blessed with two bridal showers, showered with so much love, so many blessings and well wishes, and so many thoughtful and sweet and unexpected gifts -- the generosity of those we know and those we don't know has really rendered me shocked, touched, and speechless.  And I am so grateful.  I'm grateful for the support, the encouragement, the advice, and the generous attitude.  Let me tell you -- it's contagious! Because all I want to do is love on people and give to them.  And cry over how blessed life is.

I know it's easy to say that life is blessed when things are good.  And that it's much harder to maintain that attitude when things are bad.  But I firmly believe that God gives us those ups and downs to help us keep things in perspective -- to build our trust and our faith in both the good and the bad times.  Our endurance is tested in the bad, our heart is built in the good.  And through it all, God is good all the time. <3 nbsp="" p="">