Work.

Here of late, I have really been struggling at work.  Struggling to maintain a positive attitude when I am surrounded by stress, demands, and conflicting personalities, all of whom want help (from me and everyone else).  In the past, this has occurred but I was able to brush it off, work a little harder, stick really close to God, and get through it without being much worse for the wear.  But this time, I have not been successful in that same vein.  I have failed miserably, falling into my own negative and snappy attitude, feeling full of angst and annoyance.  I'm ashamed of my behavior.  Yet as much as I have tried to start each day fresh at work for the last two or three weeks, I haven't been able to overcome any of this.  It was so bad that I was hating work and was wondering if this was the sign I needed to begin seriously job hunting closer to home...

I wasn't able to get to church tonight (let's just say I got a little enthusiastic about completing laundry and decided to wash both of my bras simultaneously, rendering them wet and unavailable for church), so I was able to experience the live online streaming feature that they offer.  I'd never experienced church this way before, and I'll admit that it required me to police myself a bit more to avoid distractions (new window on the computer for facebook, phone, etc), but I was so grateful to have this option available.  Before church began, I just prayed and prayed that I would get some direction in the service/sermon for work.

And Pastor Greg did not disappoint.  Although his sermon wasn't directed at my work issues, the verses he pulled were appropriate.  Galatians 5:16-26 is the passage that he primarily drew from, discussing the fight of Spirit vs. Flesh and what is permissible/holy/acceptable and what is not.

This verse was certainly not foreign to me.  Many pastors pull this scripture when discussing improper behavior, namely to discuss and discourage pre-marital sex, adultery, violence, & alcohol/drunkenness.  But I had not really paid much attention to the other behaviors that Paul lists that are acts of the flesh: discord, fits of rage, dissensions, factions, envy, and selfish ambition.

Wow. I mean... This perfectly describes my workplace environment right now (discord, dissensions, factions, envy, and selfish ambition). Proof positive that the environment I'm finding myself in at work is bad, negative, not good, not Godly.  But these adjectives can also be applied to my own behavior/attitudes lately: fits of rage (complaining, asking my coworkers to let me "bitch" and "vent" for a moment), envy (why does she get a break and I don't??), selfish ambition (I shouldn't have to work later than her.  I shouldn't have to be stuck with her suckiest patients.).  And these behaviors I've engaged in have not exactly helped the atmosphere of discord...

Ghandi did always say that you have to be the change you wish to see in the (workplace).  Le sigh.
I really really really need an attitude adjustment now.  I really really really need to change my perspective and my approach.  I need to change the language that my heart is speaking these days.

Well Pastor Greg didn't leave me hanging...

17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. - 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18

This is the language I should be speaking.  Does it suck to be in this situation at work where we are inundated with patients and seemingly always short staffed?  Absolutely.  But this will not last.  And if I respond to these troubles with God's language and God's way, the glory I bring to him and the peace I bring to the office will outweigh the troubles and will last longer.  Instead of focusing on my present "misery" (I use the quotation marks because although my work situation is miserable to me, it would probably be heaven to someone else much less fortunate than I), I need to shift my attention to God's will, God's way, God's needs, God's calling.  And God's calling for me right now is this profession.  I need to trust him in this.

33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33