I grew up in a pretty "normal" sized family. In our house, it was just my parents, me, and my little sister (about a year and a half younger than me). Occasionally we had the pet -- a rabbit for a while before my parents got over their fear of having an animal and kids, a dog, then a second dog, then two dogs and a cat (still hate that cat). But it was really a normal sized family. I was the oldest of the two children, and my sister and I were the only grand children on my Dad's side of the family (always have been, always will be at this point).
Growing up, I was always jealous of my little sister. In middle school she developed such style and confidence - things I definitely didn't have. She had the prettiest clothes (much prettier than mine because remember, I didn't develop style. Still not sure that I have! LoL). She kept things in her room so organized and neat and pretty. She learned how to do her make up (again, I still just stick to the basics) and her hair (she has such beautiful thick hair while mine was and still is so thin). Mom always took her shopping and bought her stuff. She got an iPod years before I did. She got into pop music and rap music and was always up on what was new and cool. She hung out with the popular kids in her grade at school. In high school she was always going out, partying, living. Meanwhile I was the nerdy sister who preferred to stay at home. She was the apple of our mother's eye, and Mom doted (and still dotes) on her. Anything Meghan wanted, Meghan got where my Mom was concerned. And I didn't get that same doting love. I got a hairdryer for my 16th birthday. That was the most graciously received hair dryer in this worlds history.
Even in college, when I was excelling and growing and maturing and becoming the woman who led to who I am, and she was failing and floundering and stagnating and even back pedaling, I was still jealous of her. Jealous of her confidence, style, things, the care-free attitude, her popularity, being considered the favorite.
It wasn't until this weekend that I realized just how ridiculous my jealousy has been. I spent a weekend with my grandparents, and between my sweet and precious time with them and my time at church (where he preached on sins of the flesh, which include envy/jealousy), I realized that my jealousy was unfounded. I was jealous of a girl who is my sister first and foremost. Who I should be rooting for and encouraging, not looking at with the side eye. And besides that, we are two totally different people, with two totally different experiences with life.
Then I looked a little more superficially at who I was jealous of versus who I am. And doing so freed me of my jealousy. Because I began realizing just how awesome I am. I began recognizing what I have accomplished (two college degrees, a full scholarship, baptism and re-birth, purchasing a car, paying down my debt, investing for my future). Where I am going in life. What I am doing in life (a full time job in a field that I love to pieces, a part time job that is challenging me in all the good ways, we're buying a house). Who I have in my life (GOD! a husband, a ton of loyal/deep/rich friendships, an extended in law family who have accepted me as a part of their family). And those are things that she doesn't have. I may not be super trendy in my wardrobe. I may not be my mother's favorite. But I am a dynamic, intelligent, kind, responsible, and grounded woman who is the daughter of the one true King (God) and I (just like all of his children) am his favorite. And I love that about me.
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