I have really enjoyed the Timehop app on my phone, that allows me to look at all the statuses and photos I've posted on facebook over the years. It allows me to really reflect on my past, but lately it has really had me evaluating the person I am today.
This app has made me realize that I have matured -- no longer am I posting statuses that do not build up my friends, but instead are pointless, waste of time, often crude and explicit statuses. Today I strive to with-hold the ranting, the pointless, the need for attention, and instead I strive to post things that are positive, provide hope/encouragement, remind my friends to appreciate the little things, and to share not only the wonder of God, but the beauty of God's creation. The realization of the maturity that I have gained in the last 5 years makes me glad for who I have become and the changes that have occurred. I look back on those statuses and pictures and often find myself shaking my head, rolling my eyes, or thinking to myself "Seriously?!" But I also firmly believe that you can not be who you are without being who you were. So although I went through a period of time where I can classify it as nothing but an identity crisis, that time was integral to the development of who I am today.
This app makes me smile at the adventures and moments that I had with my friends... The pictures, the quotes... Even today they bring a smile to my face to recall those times. I'm pleased to also report that I have been able to continue these friendships long after college -- which some say is extremely difficult to do. But their no-matter-how-long-its-been-since-we've-talked-I'm-still-your-friend attitude is so appreciated and treasured.
But this app has also made me question some of my priorities... I look back on the pictures and I inwardly cringe at who I have become physically. Pictures as recent as 2 years ago show a very different physical person than I am today. I cringe at the significant weight I have gained. I want to cry for who I have become physically -- for I am ashamed. Where are the health and fitness priorities that were integral to my existence just 2 years ago??
Daily I make the same mistakes over and over again that I have vowed not to make that day. "No soda today." "I will not stop at Bojangles for breakfast today." "I will eat lunch from the salad bar at work today" (and then end up eating fried chicken). I break every one of those goals daily. It's disgusting. It's embarrassing. It's frustrating and confusing.
But the worst part about it? I've been struggling and feeling this way for over a year now. And I haven't been able to ellicit change.
So where do I go with this? What do I do now?
The definition of insanity is to keep doing what you've always done but expect different results.
So how do I get out of the box??
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