Body Image??

The concept of 'body image' is confusing to me.  The concept of my body image is down right impossible for me to figure out.

I don't feel "fat", maybe slightly fluffier than I used to be.  But I don't feel fat.

When I close my eyes and picture myself, what I see there is not at all like what photographs show.

So often the pictures taken of me reflect an image I don't identify with.  That's not me.  I don't look like that.  I certainly don't feel like what that looks like.

How do you merge the concept of how you feel inside with the reality of what you look like??

It is so confusing.

It leaves me feeling unsettled with my confidence -- unsure of whether or not I feel the way I actually feel about my body.  Yes, there is fat on me, I am not an elite athlete or body builder.  Yes, I have some "cottage cheese" on my thighs.  But I don't feel like my size is outrageous.  Pictures tell a different story.

And then I see pictures like this one on social media like Pinterest: 

This girl is freaking killing it in the confidence department.  I mean, she is rocking her curves and she looks like she's proud of them.  And that is awesome.

Although I don't feel fat, I certainly don't have the confidence to do what that girl did.  No way jose.  So then I wonder, well maybe I do feel as "fat" as the pictures of me show.

This is my thought process.  Circling around and around and around in my head, trying to figure out how I feel about my body, and really getting no where.  Maybe this is why I've stagnated and haven't been able to make physique progress -- because I can't decide whether or not I'm okay with being my size/shape.  When I ask myself what it will take to feel good about my body, I cannot come up with an answer.  I simply don't know what it would take to feel confident enough to take a picture like that (even privately).