Monday, August 15, 2011
What do you think?
Things with Mom have been and continue to deteriorate... And you know what they say: desperate times call for desperate measures.
After asking her for the second time to move (ie: giving her notice and setting a date), she's thrown both attempts up in the air and is going no where. This last attempt, her attitude was poor -- it felt like she was saying 'I'm not moving until I'm ready and you can't make me leave'. Not to mention that she is stopping paying "rent". And also, not to mention that she continues to drag my guy into her arguments when none of this has any thing to do with him.
She's my Mom. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for her. But she's pushed me too far. She's used me for too long. She's not doing anything for herself. She is stagnant.
An opportunity has presented itself as an escape from this situation for me. Since she won't move, looks like I'll have to. A co-worker is looking for a roommate. I'll save a little money, have cable, have a washer/dryer, have my own space (even my own living room! as there are two), and be in a professional, respectful relationship where one is not taking advantage of the other.
I'm not leaving Mom high and dry. I plan on talking to my Landlord and seeing if they'll consider renting to her despite her poor credit. I plan on researching people who are looking for a roommate. And I plan on looking into low income housing for her. That way she'll have options.
I'm job hunting FOR her.
I'm looking into any and all assistance programs for her.
I'm doing the leg work for her so she doesn't put herself in a position to be out in the cold.
What do you think?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
A few things:
ReplyDelete1. Be sure to have lots of upfront clarity with your new roommate: on overnight guests, drugs, alcohol, utility bills, leave notices, use of shared space, "quiet hours", etc.
2. Spend your time connecting your mom to local agencies that can help her, rather than looking for a job for her. Learning to stand on her own two feet includes finding her own means of support.
3. Be clear with the landlord about when your contract with him or her ends, and the one with your mother begins, even if you are applying your own deposit to your mother's stay. Your credit rating should be yours alone, unaffected by what your mother does.
4. Use "I" statements with your mom, and stay away from "you" statements. "I understand this is hard for you." "I need to live independently." "I can't support you." She may accuse you of selfishness, but it will keep you honest, and keep the conversation from becoming an attack.
God be with you all.
Jarsofwater:
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice. The new roommate and I sat down and wrote out a contract, covering all those points! She and I both needed the security of a contract as we've both been burned by our most recent roommates.
I've been attempting to show Mom the resources that are available -- from online roommate sites, craigslist, food stamps -- anything I could think of. I got her started with the job search, but that's all I have and can do with everything: just show her options. It's got to be up to her to make her life work.
I spoke with the landlord the day after I made this video and we agreed that my lease would end on the 31st. If Mom wanted to take over the lease, her lease would take effect on the 1st and my name would be completely out of it. I told this to Mom, and she just whined about how she couldn't afford it here (yet she expected me to be able to afford it and to afford paying for her).
When I broke the news to her, I said "Mom, I can't afford to continue living here when I have an opportunity to live much cheaper. I can't get ahead financially if I stay here. It's the right decision for me." She didn't argue at the time, but she did later accuse me of being selfish. But with the overwhelming support of this decision from my friends, church, and the rest of my family, I have to turn a cold shoulder to her guilt trips and accusations.