Scholarship and Mom

Last week I officially accepted the Work Study Scholarship for the CarolinaEast Rehabilitation Hospital in New Bern, NC.  They will reimburse me for all school expenses (tuition and books) in exchange for two years of employment with them.  I'm still pretty nervous about the two year commitment, but if the past year is any indication, I think that those two years will fly by.

I also made the difficult decision to move.  My last day in the apartment is August 31st.  It's hard for me to believe that date is already this Wednesday!!  I have done most of the moving, but there are a lot of loose ends that have to be tied up in the moving process.  And I'll be going to school and working in the midst of it. I don't know where Mom is going.  As far as I know, she doesn't have a place lined up yet.  But I keep trying to expose her to various tools and resources that she can use.

A part of me has completely cut her out.  That is so awful to say.  So awful to admit.  But she has drained me of sympathy and pity.  I wish things had gone so differently.  I wish I had had more patience.  I wish that I could have been more use to her.  I wish it could have been a more pleasant experience.  I wish she could have respected the temporary arrangement.

I look forward to the move.  There are many financial benefits of moving to this place.  There is more room.  There is a yard. I'LL HAVE CABLE.  It's less convenient to my New Bern life, but it's a small price to pay for sanity.

Making that decision was definitely the hardest decision I've ever had to make.  Without the support I have from my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it.  But I know it had to be done.  And I'm ready to move forward from this incessant drain on my life, my energy, my happiness, my privacy, and my independence (I might have the rest of my life to establish my own identity as my Mother snapped to me one day, but I'll never be 23 again.  I'll never have these days back.  And I refuse to waste my time on something that doesn't foster positivity in my life.)