You know, I tend to be my own worst enemy when it comes to guys and relationships.
Much of this, however, stems from the guys I've dated/been with in the past. When a girl has been exposed to nothing but good-for-nothing boyfriends all her life, it sets a precedence in her mind about what to expect for all future men/relationships. And those precedences/habits are very hard to break--not many men want to hang around to try and "prove" that they aren't like the ones before; it requires too much time and work on their part. And I think we can all agree that men are completely and totally impatient--this is no exception.
I think I've finally found a nice guy (I put it in italics because everytime I start to date a new guy, I'm convinced he's a nice guy. And then a few months later they do a 180 and suddenly they are anything but a nice guy.). He understands my apprehension, is willing to wait for intimacy, and is always checking to see if I'm comfortable with how things are. Very conscientious, right?
And yet I'm still paranoid, still worried, still apprehensive, still scared.
I know the right guy will prove himself. Yadda yadda yadda. But if I'm managing to psych myself out, and that really isn't helping the situation. I just wish the paranoia, worry, apprehension, and fear would be less of my primary focus...
Another approach that may work is to enjoy the Now. When you find yourself thinking about the Future, stop. Pay attention to him, to yourself, in the Now. What are you enjoying now? What bothers you about him now? Not what he might do tomorrow. Not what might happen next week or next month. But what is going on right now? What feels comfortable? What feels uncomfortable? By living in the present, not only will you have more fun together, and take the "prove yourself" ambiance out of the picture, but if you're paying attention, you may also notice and process things about him that tell you just how far you want to go. If lots and lots is going well, you can talk to him (and/or a confidant) about the things that aren't so wonderful. And the limits of the relationship will present themselves.
ReplyDelete"Here and now, girl, here and now."