Saturday, August 25, 2012

The Noticer

This morning, with just a hint of Fall in the air and the skys finally showing patches of blue, I finished the most amazing book: The Noticer.

This book was one that the Ladies Group at church picked for one of their summer Book Club reads (the other was The Shack, which I did not read), and we'll be meeting to discuss this book on Wednesday.  But this book was amazing.  My copy was bought new, has only been read once, but is covered in highlights, notes, underlines, circles -- and the spine is well worn.

The bottom line?  Life is all about perspective.  And gaining some good perspective will make the biggest difference in the direction of your life.

I wanted to share a few of the highlights/underline/notes that I made:

"Think with me here... Everybody wants to be on the mountaintop, but if you'll remember, mountaintops are rocky and cold.  There is no growth on the top of a mountain.  Sure, the view is great, but what's a view for?  A view just gives us a glimpse of our next destination -- our next target.  But to hit that target, we must come off the mountain, go through the valley, and begin to climb the next slope.  It is in the valley that we slog through the lush grass and rich soil, learning and becoming what enables us to summit life's next peak."


How often I have directed my life to reach "the mountain top"!  To get to this high and lofty earthly place.  But why?  Why is that where I want to be?  After reading this, I realize I don't want to reach the top of the mountain as my goal.  And maybe we need to reverse our thinking about the good times and the bad times.  Maybe the bad times should be associated with the top of the mountain -- where we are largely isolated and removed, left cold in a desolate place that can't even sustain growth.  And yet we're closest to God when we're in the bad times -- another reason why they should be associated with mountain tops -- because they're physically closer to the earthly description of heaven.

So now I don't want to climb the mountain and reach the highest peak -- I want to live in the valley, protected from storms by the mountains, surrounded by dense and fruitful growth.  All the while maintaining my relationship with God.


"Whatever you focus upon, increases."


My worries increase when I focus on them.  My patient's pain increases when they focus on it.  Needs, wants, hunger, boredom, discontent, anger, frustration -- so very true.


"When you focus on the things you need," he went on to explain, "you'll find those needs increasing.  If you concentrate your thoughts on what you don't have, you will soon be concentrating on other things that you had forgotten you don't have -- and feel worse! If you set your mind on loss, you are more likely to lose... But a grateful perspective brings happiness and abundance into a person's life."



"All people -- all lives -- are either in a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or headed for a crisis."

We are forever backpacking the Appalachian Trail -- up and down mountains, in and out of crisis, good times to bad.  Life is an ebb and flow -- regardless of how "well off" or "bad off" someone seems.  We need to recognize this fact and use this knowledge to change how we treat and approach people.  Treating everyone with a little more humanity will make the biggest difference in this world.


"It's time to stop letting your history control your destiny."

How many times we need to hear this fact!  It's like the song goes:


"A person consumed by worry can focus.  Isn't it obvious?  Worry is focus!  But it's focus on the wrong things."

Oh boy.  This one really hits home for me.  I, and pretty much my entire paternal side of the family, are worry warts.  I have to blame genetics, but it doesn't remove the fact that we focus on all the wrong things.  I really need to work on this -- so that when I begin worrying about something, I will consciously shift my focus.


"The seeds of depression cannot take root in a grateful heart."

They cannot.  Every time I've felt myself slipping into depressive tendencies (another bit of my paternal genetic inheritance), I've turned my focus to finding my blessings and focusing on them.  No matter how small or basic (including clean socks), it always works.


"Wisdom can be gathered in your downtime.  Wisdom that can change the very course of your life will come from the people you are around, the books you read, and the things you listen to or watch on radio or television." ---The power of influence

The power of influence.  Funny, because I read this chapter right after this message about the power of influence: Back to the Start: Influence



"A leaf is an indicator.  One can walk through the forest and never look up.  But you can pick up a single leaf and know all sorts of information about the tree you are under."



"Many of life's treasures remain hidden from us simply because we never search for them."



"Your big picture will never be a masterpiece if you ignore the tiny brushstrokes." 

So often we hear "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."  But this book makes a convincing argument that the small stuff matters.  The small stuff makes up the big stuff, so to ignore it is guarantee failure/problems.  So start small to build big.  That's how they build a house!  They start piece by piece to create a mansion.


"Have you ever considered how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions?"

Stunning, isn't that question?  I was speechless.  How hypocritical we are by nature!


"Remember, forgiveness is an altogether different thing from trust or respect.  Forgiveness is about the past.  Trust and respect are about the future.  Forgiveness will be in the hands of others and can be given to you, but trust and respect are in your own hands... and they must be earned."

That's a tough difference to make...  We are not control of our earthly forgiveness.  But we are in control in our behavior and our actions that leads to trust and respect that will diminish the need for earthly forgiveness.


"No matter your past, you can choose your future."

Learn from the past.  Grow from it.  Move on from it.  Create the future you want.  Don't punish yourself for the rest of your life.


"One day, you will look back on this 'worst time' in your life as a fortuitous event.  Even your worst times have value and can become, in retrospect, your best times."

So. True.  The last two years were "awful" as I was living them.  But looking back, I can see what power those two years had for me.  And they weren't awful!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What a Week!!

Oh my goodness...  The past week has been a legitimate rollercoaster for me.  I took my boards last Tuesday, and then was in a state of limbo until yesterday when I found out whether I passed or not.  It was the longest week of my life, fraught with stress, emotion, and frustration.

But in the midst of all of this, some good things occurred -- secured myself a new fitness job, which is very exciting!  I'll be teaching some Monday/Wednesday/Friday morning Boot Camp classes (see http://beyondfitphysiques.com/ for info about what that's all about) and I'm super stoked about it!  I'm excited to be involved with a group of wonderful women who will help motivate and encourage me to be more steadfast with my own habits (I've already noticed changes!).  Teaching is honestly one of my favorite things to do.


Daniel has also applied for a position with the local police department in my town and has an interview on the 2nd.  It's very exciting for him (and for me! I'd love for us to be closer!!) and so prayers would be greatly appreciated as he begins the process.  He's also signed up to take his motorcycle class the weekend of the 5th, which successful completion means he can carry passengers (aka ME!).


And Tuesday was the big day --- the day I found out whether or not I passed my board exam, which determined whether or not I could begin working at the hospital, which determined my financial health.  So no pressure!  I was at work and checked the website for my name on my lunch break -- nothing popped up.  I wasn't sure when they would begin posting, so to double check (and to see if I'd simply failed), I checked one of my classmates.  There her name was.  I checked mine again.  Nothing.  I'd failed.  I called Daniel and just burst into tears... My world was reeling.  I thought it could happen, but I'd been praying so fervently that it wouldn't happen.  I would have to work at Cato for three more months.  What about my financial support?  Would that continue or would that get cut off?  Would I have to move to SC?  Then a small flicker of hope sprung up in my mind --- maybe they were posting alphabetically and hadn't gotten to the L's yet.


I got back on the website and checked several classmates who alphabetically came after me.  Not a single one was posted.  The flicker of hope burned a little brighter.  I called Daniel back and explained my theory.  He supported it (but then again, why wouldn't he?  He was hoping for this pass as much as I was).  But I was so rattled that I couldn't stay on the phone with him after telling him what the website was and how it worked.  There was no way I was going to be able continue checking the website.  So I decided to meekly sit and attempt to eat my lunch (although my stomach was in such knots of fear and anxiety that it was quite difficult) in quiet -- to calm myself down, and to try and stop the flow of stress-induced tears.


Five minutes into this attempt at peace, my phone rang.  It was Daniel.  "Alright PTA License Number 4-8-5-9... YOU PASSED!"  I literally jumped up and down, in circles, did a strange star looking jump, and yelled (yes, in the middle of my workplace) "I PASSED!"  My life wasn't over.  My worst fears weren't realized.  I'd been spared extended torture and having to re-take the hardest test I've ever taken in my life.

I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day.  Spreading the news to my friends and family was like handing them happiness.  I'd made them proud and not disappointed them.  It felt so fantastic that I was finally at that point where I could say: "I'll be starting my career in two weeks."








I am pleased to say that 11 of my classmates also experienced the same joy I felt.  But I am broken hearted to say that 1 felt the worst pain and anguish imaginable.  Please keep this one student in your prayers as she prepares to re-study and re-take the exam in October.  She is an amazing person and deserves to be a PTA -- if you knew her, she'd be just as much as an inspiration to you as she is to me and my classmates.






So now I'm just waiting to be making "big girl money," to have a normal and regular schedule/routine, and to have health insurance (Woooooohooooo!).  I know there will be lots of bumps and learning curves, but I'm just so excited that I'm choosing not to focus on that right now.


God brought me through one hell of a week, and I couldn't be more grateful for the work he's done in my life.  Because it was truly God who opened this PTA door for me.  Without God in all this, I would have never heard of or gotten into the program, moved New Bern, established a deeper relationship with Him, or gotten into a relationship with Daniel (THE mister), or found the housing I've found.  His fingerprints are all over my life...

Sunday, July 22, 2012

I am beyond irritated.  You think I was in a mood, well buddy, let me show you a mood.  Let me show you the cold worlds of my moods.  You want to make a snarky comment just as I'm getting to the time where I'm biochemically predisposed to moods, on top of not knowing whether or not I passed/failed a career deciding exam and am going crazy over it?  Well "honey," let me show you a mood...

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Positive Influences

This last move has been such a positive path for me... My landlady/housemate/friend and I have really used this opportunity of co-habitation to push each other.  To encourage each other.  To create an environment of positive lifestyle choices.  Challenging each other to take the steps we need to take individually and to help hold each other accountable.

One of the lifestyle choices we're targeting is our weight/fitness.  This encompasses exercise as well as eating a better diet and balancing those indulgences.

Another aspect we're trying to challenge each other with is our dedication to studying the Bible and seeking out mentors and wisdom/guidance from them.  This challenge has been great!  We've both found mentors and are seeking the path for deeper faith.  I am very excited about this!!

I've just really enjoyed having these positive influences in my life, which are helping me grow into a better person -- one which is more mature and who has better lifestyle choices.  This move to New Bern has been one of the most difficult and challenging times of my life, but has really been such a blessing.  And I pray that this journey continues and leads me into more and more positive places! :)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Heart for Divorce

Tonight my heart breaks for all the wonderful, beautiful women I know that are going through divorce...  It seems to me that so many couples are going their separate ways this summer, and it just hurts.  I hurt for them -- for the fear, the pain, the unknown, the betrayal, the lost love, the lost stability.

It takes two to tango, but those who I know in these situations -- they're the ones my heart and prayers go out to.  For relief, healing, hope, and direction.  For the priceless gift of laughter each day as a break from their tears and frustrations.  To know that God loves them, and that they can do all things through Him.

It makes me scared of marriage.  It makes me question all of it.  It makes me wonder if the good couples are out there, and if Daniel and I will qualify as a "forever" or not.  You hear scorned men and women say "Never get married," and you wonder if you should take that advice or not...

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

All purpose flour won't rise.  To make it rise add:

For each cup of all-purpose flour, add 1 1/4 teaspoons of baking powder and 1/4 teaspoon of salt.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

I Done Got Away

Other than visiting Daniel or my family, when was the last time I just got away in the past two years?  Honestly, until this weekend, I hadn't just gotten away. Not until this weekend, anyway.

I was invited to ride along with my housemate/landlady to visit some mutual friends 2 hours away.  I accepted the invitation, and as a surprise to me, my family deposited some surprise "fun money" into my account.  Honestly -- every time that's happened before, I spent it on bills instead of fun.  But this weekend? I spent some of it on some fun.  WHAT a breath of fresh air.  I hadn't been to the movies in months, and I went.  I hadn't gone out to IHOP in months, and I went.  I hadn't stepped foot inside a clothing store (other than the one I work at) in months, and I did (and enjoyed window shopping).  It was just so nice.  To get away.  To enjoy good, quality company/friendships.

Jeanine, who we went to visit, made a funny statement regarding how things have been for me the last year -- "Fun? What's that?"  And it's the damn truth.  I had literally forgotten what it was like to allow myself to have some fun.

And now I realize what a priority it is.  To allow yourself some time for fun.  For friends (which I have not put as a priority and have honestly isolated myself from opening myself up to making friends -- all this stress has led me to constructing and maintaining a wall against friends).

So now I'd like to make a list of things I'd like to do around here for fun.  So that I can fully experience this area while I'm here.

Fun -- who knew it was so important??