Oh the Anxiety

Here of late, I have really noticed that I am on edge.  Well, not really on edge.  Just stressed out.  Worried about x,y, and z and that I won't have enough time to accomplish what I want to accomplish.

Stressed with the demands I am facing at work... Both jobs actually.  I thoroughly enjoy what I do, but I don't enjoy the stress that comes with it.

Stressed with getting the house settled.  Seriously.  It's like a never ending slow moving avalanche of stuff.  I seriously don't know where this is all coming from or where we're going to put it all to make and part of sense.

Stressed with getting the day to day chores done.  I'm so side tracked with everything else that needs doing that the daily chores are falling further and further behind.  The kitchen sink is ridiculous right now.

Stressed with finding ways to squeeze in workouts between jobs and chores.

Stressed with trying to find quality time to spend with my husband.  Our time together is getting shorter and shorter it seems...  Not really. It's the same it has been since he's moved over to shift work.  But maybe I'm busier so it seems less.  I've seen him for a total of about 20mins each day for the last three days.  I may be a hoarder when it comes to time with my hubby, but that doesn't cut it for me.

It's all the little things that are building up.  Adding up.  Creating a small mountain.  Weighing my spirits down and leaving me feeling quite overwhelmed.  It didn't occur to me that part of my troubles is a lack of rest.  Not until this evening. I had been talking to my friend Chrissy about my stress and she said to come over.  So this afternoon after work I went over.  And I sat down.  Truly sat down.  Not a sit-down-and-continue-working-on-something.  A sit-down-and-do-nothing.  It's been a while since I've done that.  And it dawned on me that I'm not doing enough of it.

Suddenly the big things were smaller.  Everything could wait.  And I didn't want to move.  It was glorious.  In that moment, I realized that I needed more quiet time, more God time, in my life.  And that when things calm down a bit and my responsibilities decrease a bit, I need to be more careful about what I commit myself to time wise in the future.

I used to handle a crazy busy schedule with ease.  But as I'm experiencing now, I was always stressed, frequently ill, nearly never available for my friends/family, and just barely getting by.  It was not a healthy way for me to live.  And I can't keep that lifestyle up.  It's just not right for me anymore.

So I'm looking forward to some changes in my life.  Changing where I spend my time.  How I spend my time.  With whom I spend my time.  I just have to get through this season first!