Where's the Paper Bag? I'm Freaking Out, Man!

Tonight, I am having a lot of anxiety pop up and render me sleepless.  I didn't miss these days of sleeplessness due to worry.  I thought I had rectified the situation.  Clearly not completely.

In less than 6 months I'm getting married.  I am beyond thrilled to be marrying my best friend and one really spectacular guy.  And I'm kind of impatient for our wedding day to arrive.

However, tonight as I'm laying in my messy bed surrounded by my messy room with mix-matched furniture (no seriously; I'm still using milk crates for shelving) and dated everything, I am completely overwhelmed with all the changes that are going to be occurring over the next 6-12 months.

Not only am I getting married, but I'm moving to a different town and leaving my church and my friends behind, I will be commuting 1 hour to/from my job until that becomes uneconomical and I will then be searching for a new job, and I will be settling into some sort of home routine with my future husband in a small one bedroom apartment, in which he has lived alone as a bachelor for the last 5 years (can we all just point out how much growing pain will be going on here?).

Our furniture situation is dismal -- he has just as little as I do. So we'll be trying to save up for furniture.  And now he's throwing around the idea of house hunting, stating that he's hoping to move into our first home in November.  Only 2 months after we're married.

Paper bag?? I need a paper bag!

(...several deep breaths later...)

I realize that many of these things are normal for newly weds to be facing.  But I have to admit... These feel like really really huge changes to me.  And I am getting really really overwhelmed.

22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.23 The man said,“This is now bone of my bones    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’    for she was taken out of man.”24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. - Genesis 2:24

 My struggle dates back to even Biblical times.  To chapter two of the entire bible.  Chapter one? God creates the world and everything in it.  Chapter two? God jumps right into talking about marriage and leaving your lives to create one life together.

I can find some solace in that.

I mean... Can you imagine dealing with this as an Israelite in slavery in Egypt?  Or even during Jesus' time, moving all of your belongings on the back of a donkey?

In comparison, I don't really have that much to be worried about. LoL!

In all honesty though...Here's what really stemmed all of this tonight... A friend of mine on Facebook updated her status tonight, about how she had purchased her brand new Ashley furniture and gotten rid of her mix-matched furniture.  (How awesome is that?! You go girl!!!)  She's also three years younger than me.  And she's living in her own apartment and just bought her some fabulous furniture.  Talk about making me feel behind...

Comparison is the thief of joy.-Theodore Roosevelt

And I let my friend steal my joy tonight. I let jealousy get in the way. I let the "timeline" and "expectations" of this world rule my heart.

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:2

Yes, Father.  Message received.

Don't Let the Sun Go Down...

Today was a "Surprise Day." One of those days that don't go at all how you expect it to -- but in a good way.  I had to work today, and was dreading going "into the office."  Yet when I arrived I was greeted with a VERY abbreviated day.  And by abbreviated, I mean I spent only 2.5 hours at work.  Now the paycheck is going to stink, but what a gift of a surprise!!  I suddenly found that I had almost my entire Sunday back.

I was able to get in a run on the elliptical, pick up some vegetables at the grocery store, make progress on planning my wedding quilt, and then found myself wasting a good portion of the time that I had suddenly been gifted with.

And then came that nagging... I was supposed to be doing something with this time I was surprised with.  But what???

Then it dawned on me... I was supposed to be catching up on my Bible studies and sermons!  So in I dived... Listening to the podcasts of the sermons I'd missed recently and taking notes... Catching up on my reading in The Story for Bible Class tomorrow night and answering the questions in our study outline ahead of our meeting... And then, catching up on Ladies Group homework.

While the rest of the church is studying The Story, Ladies Group is doing a study on Ephesians.  Which brings me to one of the verses from this weeks assignment...

26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. - Ephesians 4:26-27

At first read, I thought about the age old wisdom given to newly-wed couples about not going to bed angry.  But with further thought, these verses took on a deeper meaning.

In this passage, Paul is encouraging us to settle our disputes quickly so as to not let issues fester and grow and provide a way for the devil to enter in and rule our heart quickly.

But our issues aren't just relegated to arguments with others.  They include gluttony, greed, laziness as well! And any other issue -- sexual impurity, carelessness, a quick temper, a sharp tongue, etc.  But for the sake of this post, and my life, and my issues, I'm applying this verse to my struggle with weight.

I must settle my issues with gluttony, laziness, despair, frustration, lack of self worth, and self confidence.  Replace "anger" with any of those issues...

• In my laziness, do not sin: do not let the sun go down while you are still lazy, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Whoa.  Lightbulb!

This verse is not just about anger or arguments between people.

It's also about each of our individual and unique struggles.

For if we let our struggle rule over us, we will sin and the devil will have a very unlocked door through which he may enter.

"Do not let the sun go down while you are still ___adjective/issue__..." Reminds us that each day we must make sure to win the battle.  "Do not let the sun go down while you are still lazy" reminds me that I must be productive, that I must do something active each and every day (ran three miles thanks to this reminder!), that I must tackle something on that to do list (cleaned the shower and sink thanks to this reminder!).

My mind has been opened to a whole new understanding with this verse.  And I'm so grateful that this verse was a part of my homework this week, as I'm working to invite God into this struggle.

I'm not going to let the devil rent space in this heart!  I'm raising the rent and kicking him OUT!

How are you applying this verse?  What adjective are you filling the blank with?

The Struggle is Real (and Never Ending)

This week has been a week of realization. That my half-hearted efforts to lose some weight/inches are not working.  In fact, the opposite is occurring.  I'm gaining weight AND inches.  So much so that I had to move up in scrub pants AND all my other clothes.  Talk about heart breaking and frustrating and depressing.  I feel so defeated.

So it's time to face the music and get real and stop pretending.  It's time to let this failure fuel my future....

David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished. -1Chr 28:20

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your bodies. -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Solomon was in the midst of planning to build a large and beautiful temple to honor God.  David  was giving his son Solomon some advice about building that temple.  But remember, we are temples of God too.  As we work to honor and improve our individual temples, it would behoove us to follow this same advice.  We must be strong and courageous, in our faith, in our declarations, in our decisions.  We must do the work -- we must dutifully study the Word to better know God, we must dutifully pray to improve our relationship with God, we must be sure to honor God with our words and actions, and we must do the physical work to keep our temples strong and functioning.  This includes making sure we stay active, and that we're eating a healthy diet.  David reminds us to not be afraid or discouraged, which is so easy when we hit a road block or a speed bump, we must remember that God is with each of us.  And not only is he with us, he will not fail or forsake us!  He will not leave our side ever, because the work for the service of the temple (our individual temples) will never be finished!  He will always be with us, working in us and through us.

He shall say: "Hear, Israel: Today you are going into battle against your enemies.  Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them.  For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. -Deut 20:3-4

Oh my goodness.  Although this passage was written about the Israelites entering the Promised Lands and facing foes, this passage is completely applicable to todays world and our individual lives!!  Today and every day we go into battle against our enemies.  We each have different enemies, and the enemies may differ from day to day.  Your enemy may be junk food, depression, anger, or discouragement.  Regardless of what the enemy is, it's there and it's very real.  He reminds us not to be scared, because God is with us even in these fights -- he goes with us into these battles (if we invite him in and allow him to -- remember, He lets us have free will, so if we choose to kick him out of these fights, he stays out) and gives us victory.  Invite God in and you will beat that enemy and win that battle.

One more note -- this passage talks about individual battles, and not the war.  Which means you have to repeatedly and intentionally involve God in each individual battle (improving your relationship at the same time).  If food is your enemy (like mine), you have to ask for God's help for EVERY craving.  You will win the war if you do this, but that requires you to be consistent and devoted to God above your enemies.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. 

- Matthew 11:28-30

When the struggle is too much, and the burden is too heavy, (for those days will come) you are not without options.  Once again, it all boils down to inviting God into your life, regardless of how petty you think they are.  When the struggle is too much for you, ask God to take it from you.  And he will!  When you earnestly invite God into that moment and give it to Him, you will instantly feel lighter.  You will instantly feel some relief.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. -Galatians 6:2

This verse basically tells you that you NEED a support system.  Finding a group of people who are going through or have overcome the same struggles  are crucial in your victory.  In the world of fitness, this encourages group fitness -- you're going through it together, helping each other, encouraging one another, providing accountability.  You've got shoulders to cry on when needed, and arms to help hold you up when needed.  This creates a network of support, of unity, which is part of the law of Christ -- to work together, NOT alone.  Don't be afraid to ask for help or to vent.  Help each other in love, because remember, the greatest commandment is to love.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is Love. -1 Corinthians 13:13

These commandments extend throughout lifes situations.  But for the sake of this blog post, I'm only going to talk about how they relate to fitness/health. You must have faith that your good choices and efforts will pay off (this also relates to patience).  You must have hope, and be positive in your thinking, your mindset, your attitude.  And love.  You must love yourself, your qualities, your talents.  You must love the progress.  You must love others around you who are working towards their own goals.  No more judgement of others, or "fat shaming" (yourself OR others).  No more!  LOVE must prevail.  Be the change in the fitness/health world, starting with LOVE.

This weekend I was fortunate enough to take a mini get away trip with my roommate to a friends house in Fayetteville. Now many people may not be excited about a trip to Fayetteville, but when you have friends there who you haven't seen in TOO long, it's an exciting trip :) not to mention she has a cute 15 month old and another friend and her 10month old were there too. 

But anyway, we took an early morning walk today to enjoy this beautiful weather and we we're having an interesting discussion about female hormones, hunger, and weight/fat gain. 

My friend commented about how they'd recently put her back on birth control after having her son, and how she's had an insatiable appetite since. 

And I had a light bulb moment. Ever since they changed my birth control in January, I have had SUCH a difficult time managing my appetite, managing my cravings, and NEVER being satiated/full after a meal. No WONDER I haven't been able to lose any weight!! I've been so frustrated with my weight that I couldn't see past the situation and see the problem. 

So now I have an answer. Now I have an awareness. Now I can take control instead of letting my hormones take control of me.