I didn't get a thing accomplished that I'd put on my potential to-do list for the day, and I am very much at peace with this.
And although I didn't get many "tasks" done today, I was able to get in a lot of quality quiet time with myself, with plenty of reflection, self-honesty, and peace.
This will be a bit of a disjointed blog post, as there are several topics/events that are sitting on my heart right now.
It all started with Saturday night... As I was working this weekend, I was going to be unable to attend church on Sunday (and not attending church always puts me in a funk -- not having that praise/worship/study/learning time makes a big difference in my life), so I decided to try out another church who offers Saturday night church services. I'd never been to this church, nor had I heard anything about it. So I went with an open mind and a curious and hopeful heart. The worship was not my style, and the preaching was a bit too much on the pentecostal side for me (a lot of yelling into the microphone, spitting, and such). However the actual lesson (when you could ignore the style of delivery) was quite good -- he was discussing how to pray. And one of his points really struck me. He discussed needing to evaluate and shift your priorities. Which really sent me into an investigative and observational mode regarding my life. And turned up a couple of interesting realizations.
The first realization I had after this sermon was that I am entirely too dependent upon television. I've lived without cable and TV before, and I'm perfectly fine with it. However, when I do have cable television, it literally rules my life. I have to see my shows. And I can't get anything else done until I'm caught up on my DVR... I can't read until my shows are watched. I can't find time to do my Bible studies but I find time to make sure all my shows get watched. I am addicted to television. And it's disgusting.
So to spend today with so little screen time was really refreshing. To shift and realign my priorities away from television has been very freeing these last couple of days.
And in having less screen time, I've been able to do more "paper time" reading and catching up and making some progress with a few books I've been generally neglecting.
One of those books is Made to Crave by Lysa Terkhurst. The BeyondFit Physiques Life Group is reading this book this month, and the power of suggestion to read along couldn't have come at a better time. I've reached the heaviest weight I've ever been, I'm miserable, and I feel stuck in a never ending cycle. So to have the time the last couple of days to spend reading, reflecting, and being full of hope and encouragement in this area of my life has been so nice.
Although I am at peace and at acceptance of my body, it's not the body I want. (Yes, you can love where you are and still want to make progress to something different) And the shift in my priorities has helped here as well. Realizing what poor choices I've made and that I'm not doing as well as I lie to myself. Being encouraged to make some changes. Literally feeling my body craving the healthy changes -- it is so amazing to feel this hope and motivation for the first time in so long.
And then to have Daniel call me Saturday night (after church) and together as a couple discuss how unhappy we are with our physique and physical health and agree to be ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS for our workouts?? It was more than I could handle. I nearly cried with joy, relief, and appreciation.
So that sermon at a church that I will probably never attend again served it's purpose. I got the message God was trying to give me -- the slap to the back of the head telling me to let go of the TV and enjoy LIFE! And to reach goals! And to change.
My body hurts tonight. But it hurts in a rejoicing manner -- it hurts because it's being challenged with new workouts. It hurts because it's in the very beginning stages of changing. And it's wonderful.
My heart is full tonight. Full of gratitude for my blessings. Full of hope and encouragement. Full of confidence that I can find my way through my misery and find my way to happiness and health.
If you feel like life is overwhelming, and nothing is getting accomplished, and you dislike where you are or what you look like or how you feel, start by examining what your true priorities are. You will more than likely find what's standing in your own way -- your poorly ranking priorities.
