Eating Disorder

So I've come to the realization that I may have a touch of an eating disorder.  Except instead of starving myself, I am over-filling myself.  Evening compulsive binging is the quickest way I can think to describe it.

When I come home from work (usually around 10pm and after having eaten all my daily meals), I find myself gorging on junk food and snacks.

And then I drew some parallels.  THIS behavior is what my Mother did... She began eating less and less during the day only to dive into late night food when fewer people saw what she ate.  And soon?  The pounds began packing on.  And when I was younger, I swore to myself that I would not adopt habits that would place me in a similar situation of obesity, depression, and no confidence.  And yet here I am, unconsciously adopting the same habits I swore not to.

They always said that you grow into being your parents, and although this isn't always a bad thing, this particular habit/disorder is a bad thing.  I have done such a good job of reversing my lifestyle against my parents -- staying physically active and somewhat physically fit, being health conscious, eating better foods with fewer cheeses/butters/mayos/etc.  And I'm reversing all that progress.  The scale says so.

So here I am, honestly admitting this flaw.  And here I am, wanting to change and hold myself accountable.  And tonight was night one.

Instead of eating a cheeseball (almost a whole one last night!), I ate a low-flavor bag of popcorn.  Not great, but a step.  And every fiber in my being right now wants me to go into the kitchen and get something else, but here I am saying No.

Damn... There are candy cane hershey kisses on the coffee table.  Damn it.  Damn it to hell.  Resist... Resist... Not... Worth... It...

Going to take a shower and BRUSH MY TEETH so I won't want to get that icky taste in my mouth that you get from eating afterwards.

Hope I can keep this up and get back to those better habits.