The Ties That Bind

Today I want to make a commentary on marriage and relationships in general.  Committing to a relationship is something so deeply personal, true, and beautiful.  Whether it's the commitment to date, the commitment to Love, or the commitment to Marry, each one is defined by a special moment, where acknowledgement and reciprocation occurs.  Where two people honestly open themselves to the other -- putting them self in the most vulnerable place a person can be.  Where you let someone in with nothing but trust.  You love this person.  You care about this person.  You see the good and the potential and possibility of this person.  You believe in what this person is offering you back.  You trust them.

You never expect anything to go awry.  You never expect (serious) lies.  You never expect (serious) deceit.  You never expect that the one person you open up to would do anything to hurt, embarrass, or shame you.

Seeing a close friend go through what a man should not put his wife through -- is heart breaking.  Here is this beautiful, genuine, sweet, kind, caring, giving, honest, faithful, loyal, Christain woman who gave every thing she had to this man.  And the whole time, he was lying to her.  Putting on an act.  Playing a double life, a double personality, lying to everyone including himself about who he was, what he wanted in life, and who he loved.  None of her friends or family had even a clue that something was wrong.  They were so loving and attentive to each other.  She doted on him.  He looked after her.  They went to church.  They're expecting a baby.  They just built a new house.  They were creating a life and a family together.

And it's all gone.

With just a few short hours of accidental discovery. It's all gone.

How do we humans do such cruel and mean and dishonest things to each other?  How can one bear to see someone who so obviously cares and adores and loves you be lied to?  For years.  It breaks my heart.

No couple is ever perfect.  There are the behind-the-closed-door fights, the disagreements, the differences in cleanliness, the differences in family readiness, different interests, different aspirations, different everything.  But, by committing to a relationship, that in and of itself is a sacred pledge to be with that person, respect that person (even if it's only enough to be honorable and let them go before you bring their whole world crashing down around them in front of all their friends and family and community), and work through the differences to create commonalities.  That commitment is not just a hat that you put on and take off.  It's an invisible tattoo.  Made with love and care and time.  To remove it -- major surgery.

I just... To see these two people struggle with the up and down, the left and right, it's shocking.  It's unexpected.  But mostly?  It's terrifying.

This is a guy I've met.  I've hung out with.  I began to get to know. Never did I expect him to be the person he is.  It makes me question my own life.  It makes me fear that the happy relationship I have with Daniel could be soiled like that.

But I can't think like that.  I have to go on with the trust that this man I have met and fallen for is not like that.  That Her story will not be my story.  That Her pain will not be my pain.

I've done so much praying for my friend, her estranged husband, and my own relationship.  That we all will find the path for us.  That the pain will end.  That I will not have to go through that.

Relationships have been cheapened.  This is just prime example number one.

If you're in a relationship -- be honest.  If you aren't happy, don't lead the other person on -- get out and let them find someone.  Be faithful -- don't cheat or flirt with cheating.  Be loving -- reach out to that person and foster their love carefully.  Don't take the other for granted.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Remind yourself.  Believe in the Trust.  Because that's all we ever have.