Committed

I have finally found the desire and inspiration to begin reading again. I used to be such a book worm, devouring book after book -- I think as an adolescent I kept the high school library in business single handedly :-p

But when I went off to college, reading for pleasure took a back seat to school work and partying.  My attention to novels was dismal.  And ever since then, it has really been a struggle to return to my reading ways.  That is, until I found a used book store here in town!  50 cents for paperbacks, $1 for hardbacks!!!!  And you can sell back books and get 50 cents in store credit.  Can we say heaven?!  I've already spent so much money there... LoL.  My to-read stack is quite tall at this point.

The book that I am currently reading is Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's a story of a woman who suddenly finds herself facing marriage when she and her fella were completely content with just co-habitating.  After a terrible divorce, neither of them are exactly excited about this development.  So Elizabeth kicks into research mode, deciding to learn as much as she can about the institution of marriage.

I'm loving this book for so many reasons.  Mostly because Elizabeth is not going into marriage with rose colored glasses on.  She knows that there is something about the ceremony that changes things, that changes the relationship, that can take things from simple and easy to complicated and hard.  A reality that I am personally going through, except I wasn't prepared.  I wasn't prepared for how much I would struggle with becoming a wife and the pressures that history/society/myself have put on my shoulders.  I wasn't prepared for the irritations, moods, frustrations, and just how different Daniel and I are.  Yes, I was totally naive to the institution of marriage.

As a result of my naivette, I've gotten some things twisted.  And this book by Gilbert is really helping me to look at marriage with a different point of view.  The cross-cultural and historical truths about marriage are not only interesting, but they really put things into perspective.  For example, I have learned that in Western society, we place a huge amount of stress that our spouse be our everything -- our best friend, our confidant, our protector, our inspiration, our comedic relief, our workout partner, our chore partner...  But that in so many other cultures, that stress isn't there.  The spouse is the spouse.  There aren't any expectations, so there aren't any disappointments.

Now granted, I am only about 1/3 of the way through this book.  But just reading the first 80 pages, I've let go of so many of my demands and expectations of Daniel.  Demands and expectations that might be "fair" if we were to split the household duties 50/50, but they aren't fair in the sense that they are things that are important to me but he really could care less about.  Why am I trying to force him to care about something he really doesn't care about?  Dumb.  So dumb.

It's requiring a lot of humility on my part, and a whole lot more physical labor on my part (hello more household chores), but if doing that will decrease my irritation/frustration and improve our relationship, then so be it.  Marriage is sacrifice, right?

And instead of depending on him to be my everything -- I've decided to depend on him less for my emotional needs.  Pause for gasping...  Men don't usually want to talk for hours about every little thing.  They just aren't interested, and their attention span just isn't that long.  So again, why am I trying to force something he doesn't care about?  Instead, I'm spending more time with my girlfriends, who do care, who will listen attentively, and who will understand my distress/concern and be able to help me sort through things.  Less annoyance for my husband.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this book, as I hope it will continue to educate me and inspire me to improve my marriage.