They say that those who you love the most are the ones who hurt you the most.

However, I'm of the opinion that the ones who you love are the ones who hurt you the deepest.  They probably hurt you less frequently, but when they do hurt you, the cut is straight to the core of who you are as a person or to the core of your relationship.

D Man and I aren't a perfect relationship.  We squabble from time to time.  We probably spend too much time watching television.  But I can honestly say that we've had a pretty smooth sailing over the last three years.  This week/weekend was NOT smooth sailing at all.

We weren't just squabbling. I was losing it.  And I felt like the hurt wasn't stopping.  In the midst of it, I was seriously beginning to question if I had really been blinded by love for the last three years and had woken up to find myself with someone I didn't even know.  I was beginning to question our impending nuptials -- which are just 89 days away mind you.

I felt so distant, confused, lost, stressed, and lonely.
Pretty much the worst week of our relationship yet.

And then it hit me.  This is what real life is.  Where the other person acts without thinking and without realizing how it might affect you.  And you take it personally -- a direct torpedo to the heart.  This is what real relationships are, what they deal with.  And I'm a firm believer that it's how you deal with things that determine what kind of relationship you have.

Having grown up with parents that didn't remain married, and having been an astute student of human relationships (no seriously, I am -- I watch, observe, learn, and study other peoples relationships), that has been a constant.  No matter what the action was, it's more of the reaction/handling that sets the course of the relationship.

So I watched my words this weekend.  I did the best I could to control and appropriately react emotionally.  I stayed quiet and thought before I spoke.  I prayed the hardest in the middle of it all.  We prayed together in the middle of it all.

And he got the message.
He understands.
But he wasn't emasculated or ridiculed or disrespected just to get an upper hand during it.  He wasn't robbed of his "leader of the house" role -- in fact, I believe it was a call to action for him to be MORE of that man.

This week sucked.  But at the same time, I appreciated having that now. Before we're married.  To test us out on very serious issues and to begin to learn how we react to conflict.  DMan and I are definitely not perfect. But we are perfect for each other.