The Slap of Reality

I mean, I knew I'd gained some weight in the last year.  I could feel it.  And I knew I'd lost my mojo when it comes to working out and living healthy.

But I was not prepared for what hit me tonight.

I went shopping for an Easter dress.  I went to four different stores.  The story isn't about the fact that spring time dresses this year are at an all time low point in fashion.  The story is that everything I tried on had to be a size 14.

I have not been this size since junior year in college.
I swore I would never return to this size.

HOW DID I NOT SEE THESE POUNDS BEFORE TONIGHT?!

I felt terrible.  Nothing looked or felt cute.  I felt like a marshmallow trying to squeeze into a straw.  My self confidence hit an all time low.

And although I've already begun dieting (well, healthy eating) and better exercise habits (and even seen some positive changes on the scale), I was shocked.  I have had enough.  I cannot live like this any longer -- with no energy, no drive for life, no confidence, and nearly no clothes that fit.  If I weren't already on a new way of living, I would have changed tonight.  But tonight only cemented in my brain that I can no longer make excuses and "let it slide."

It's do or die time.
Because if I keep going down that path of no sensible living, it could very well kill me.