Found the Focus

Tonight, I finally had my focus back.  For the past few weeks, I've been the most unfocused I've ever been.  My drive, determination, and desire to succeed on the path I have set myself down had been seriously lacking.  It is quite embarrassing how slack I had been...  Honestly.  I was even getting to the point of questioning myself -- whether I was cut out for this, if I could succeed, if I was meant to be a PTA.  And in this time period, I had several tests.  :-/  Not good timing for my work ethic to go on strike, let me tell you!

But tonight, it all came rushing back.  Thank. God.  Seriously.  If it hadn't, I am not sure I would be able to succeed through the program as tomorrow's test is nearly 1/3 of my grade in this class.  It's quite a bit of material.  But tonight I was able to sit down and study and outline and review and take notes.  I am not sure how much I absorbed (hopefully something!  At least one thing -- the flexor retinaculum ligament is the ligament that connects the carpals on the volar side of the wrist, creating the "roof" of the carpal tunnel), but it felt soooo good to sit down and study.  And not just that, but to actually enjoy studying.  To not be enticed by my laptop (and the internet) or my phone (and texting my night owl friends) or the TV (and it's endless opportunities for mind-numbing and distracting programming).  I put the radio on the Oldies station and just sat down at my "desk" and got to work.  

I didn't have the "this is too much, there's no point in me even trying because I'll never be able to learn all of this" attitude that has been plaguing me the last couple weeks.  Instead, I had the "okay, take it one bite at a time and make the connections.  You can do this.  You have to do this.  This is important to you.  You want this.  Sleep can wait.  You will be okay." attitude. 

There may be hope for me yet :) 

And there better be, as I have only one month of classes left in this semester before clinicals.  And then after that, only 6 weeks of classes next semester before clinicals.  I am on the last 10 laps of the Indy 500!  These tires better not blow and I better not run out of gas yet!  Sooooooo close to that checkered flag and a real paycheck!!!!