Relationships (with anyone)

I don't really understand why some people make relationships so difficult and complicated.  The people who thrive on this style of relationship also thrive on having the "upper hand," and thus rely on manipulation to get/have what they want.  So instead of an actual healthy relationship, it becomes something more sinister.  That sucks out the energy, positivity, and joy of having a relationship with that person.

In most situations, relationships like these begin voluntarily and innocently.  Friends.  Or maybe as a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  And then when the relationship goes south, they can't walk away from a terrible lifestyle because they have begun to believe the lies of the "upper hand."

I empathize with those in relationships like these.  Not because my main squeeze treats me this way (he  most certainly doesn't).  But because I have a relationship with someone who I can never sever ties to (aka: a family member) who loves to have a difficult and complicated relationship.

I could write for hundreds of pages about this relationship.  And I have probably already written several posts about this person and our relationship already.

I won't go into specific details, because God teaches me to honor and love.  Which is why it's so difficult for me to understand this relationship.  To honorably and truthfully interact in this relationship. Because I truly feel as if the works and efforts are not reciprocated.  I truly feel consistently let down in this relationship.

So what is involved in a relationship?  Here are my thoughts on what a relationship (with anyone mind you) should include....

- Communication.  You have to talk to each other on a fairly regular basis -- both about important/serious things, as well as light hearted things.

- Time.  You have to spend time with each other, building memories and stories.

- Trust.  You have to be able to trust the person with the serious/important details with your life and know that they will be there for you when you need them.

- Comfort.  You have to be able to feel comfortable being around a person.  You can't have a relationship with someone who gives you the willies all the time.

- Respect.  You have to be able to respect each other's needs, space, and decisions in life.  You won't always agree with what someone does/says, but you have to be able to respect their decisions.

- Love.  You have to be able to love and care for a person to be in a relationship with them -- and most of the time, this love is the source of respect for a decision you disagree with.

- Effort.  You both have to put in time and effort to reach out to one another and build/strengthen a relationship.

- Courtesy.  Courtesy of each other's differing beliefs, courtesy of each other's sensitivies.

- Sacrifice.  So often you need to sacrifice for the other person.  Sometimes this comes in the form of time -- sacrificing your time to spend with the person who needs you.  It's not always about you.

- Desire.  Desire to have a relationship with someone.

- Inclusion.  You have to include each other in your lives.  Granted you can't invite everyone to everything, but you need to include a particular person in plans and activities that are appropriate for the relationship.

- Open-ness.  You have to be open and honest with those you are in relationship with.  But you also have to balance the levels of open-ness with honoring your other relationships.