1 Month Down

It's another hazy morning here -- I don't think the weather got the memo that we are now in September, and that therefore it's supposed to start transforming into more tolerable conditions -- and I once again find myself awake on a Saturday morning entirely too early.  Long gone are the days of sleeping in; or so it seems.  Although I tried to will myself back to sweet slumber, it could not be achieved.  So instead, I'll opt for a little personal reflection (aka blogging) and then follow up with some Bible Study.  :)

I have officially survived the first month of my career.  It's hard for me to believe that the time has gone so quickly.  My mother was right (gasp) -- time speeds up as you get older.  There was so much self-doubt and nervousness that took up that first month.  And I wish that I could say that it's gone away; but it's still there.  I'm still nervous every time I begin to work with a foreign and new patient, whose acronyms in their chart I'm not sure I know what they mean.  Whose nurses always seem to be a little to snippy and seem bothered that I check in with them prior to treatment (although I will always continue -- four times now checking with the nurses has stopped inappropriate care).  My coworkers are very knowledgeable -- they seem quite intimidating to me, and I hate peppering them with so many questions -- I should have absorbed more from school.  But honestly, as challenging as it is, I love my job.  I love being able to work with a person and touch them and make even the smallest difference in their day.  And I pray that I am planting seeds of hope and goodness (also God) in my patients.

I find myself more and more in prayer these days -- turning to God to take my worries and to guide me through the day has made the biggest change in me.  When I don't do this, I can feel the difference; it's not fun.  He has helped bring me through this month and to guide and encourage me the whole time.  My strength comes from the Lord.  And oh how great it is!

Yesterday was a long and chaotic and doubtful day at work.  I came home feeling a good bit deflated and down-trodden.  I retreated to my room and stayed there for quite some time.  When I traveled downstairs, I found Chrissy and Leah (my roommates) sitting at the dinner table with Dawn -- one of the most amazing, wise, and knowledgeable Christian women I have ever met (and who Chrissy has asked to be her Mentor and Accountability Partner in Christ).  I knew Chrissy had asked Dawn to come over to pray and study a problem her heart was having with being surrounded by so many divorces, but I wasn't expecting to be drawn to the table.  I didn't want to interrupt or intrude, but I felt like I needed to be there for this conversation.

And I am so glad that I sat down at that table.

We spent the next two and a half hours listening and absorbing Dawn's wisdom.  Wisdom about how marriages have been cheapened, about Christian gender roles vs Womens Rights gender roles, about the sanctity of your body, about the impact of your decisions.  And how there are no mistakes; there are bad choices, but God can use those bad choices to do good.  About desert years and silent years -- and how you get through them.  About how important the Word is.

It filled my heart.
It filled my soul.
It rejuvenated me.

I want to have a happy marriage that does not end in divorce.  I want Christian gender roles in my marriage. I want God's blessing.  So it's time for me to study these things.  To find out what my role and purpose is.  To seek Him and His opinion.

Finding myself surrounded by women who are believers and who want to seek God has made the biggest difference in my faith journey.  It's so much more powerful (and fun) when others are with me.