Introspection and Prospection

So I was talking to Kelley (my spirit guide haha) on Facebook tonight about some things. About people, relationships, and why we make the same mistakes over and over again. And Kelley made a good point -- unless you look at the men you've dated, evaluated what you were attracted to, and what led to problems, you'll continue to make those same mistakes.


So what in the world was I attracted to in these guys??

Joey

• Nice Butt
• Nice lips --> Good kisser
• Nice hands/arms
• Laid back
• Succeeded in everything he did, but didn't know what he was going to do with his life
• Paid
• Not college educated -- until he dated me

Cosmo and Lance -- they were just there and had the right equipment.  No actual attachment to them.

Aaron

• Taller and more proportionate
• Nice butt, eyes, and hands!
• Marine -- cute in uniform, steady job/income, potential for benefits
• Closer in age to me
• Went to church regularly -- chose to visit me instead of church on weekends and held that against me
• Opinionated -- but became too opinionated!
• Had a truck
• Didn't know what he was going to do with his life post Marines -- still kind of floating from what I gather
• Poor family relationships
• Strong: he could pick me up!
• Didn't laugh very much though
• Laid back -- but he became too laid back and lazy in the relationship.  He never wanted to go or do because it required money.
• Cheap -- not that big of a deal, but it got to a point where if it required anything more than $5, he wasn't interested
• Took care of me when I was sick
• Good listener, gave sensible suggestions
• Made me feel safe
• Shoulder injury.  This endeared him to me, but it became his own worst enemy.  Which then came between us.
• Knowledgeable of car problems and could fix them
• Equal sex drive
• Not college educated
• Tattoos

TJ

• Tall
• Knowledeable of carpentry -- could build things (learned that it was mostly his Dad doing the precise measurements and building)
• Had a nice truck
• Equal sex drive
• Paid and never made money an issue
• Good listener, had sensible suggestions
• Poor communicator
• Didn't know how to deal with his past or his emotions -- and couldnt be honest about them.  Turned out he was still in love with his ex (after swearing up and down he wasn't)
• Did sweet things for me
• Great family relationships -- I loved his family too!
• Didn't know where he was going in life -- still doesn't
• Handled problems like an ostrich: stuck his head in the sand and hid
• Pushed for sex
• Not college educated, but in college -- though doing horribly in it
• Tattoos
• Window shopped too much around me!
• Emotional (and physical?) cheater
• used me to get back and stick it to his ex

Ian

• Navy -- no real bearing on my attraction to him besides steady job/income and potential for benefits
• Played football in high school
• Tattoos
• Tall, nice eyes, nice hands, nice butt
• We were able to talk for hours
• He liked to laugh
• Money didn't seem to be a problem, but once dating I felt somewhat guilted into paying for some things
• Didn't know where he was going in life, but did want to return to college for officer school
• Smart
• Open minded about people -- regardless of race, nationality, or gender
• Didn't attend church -- turned out he had a stink with religion and faith, which is something I dont think I could have handled
• Had a temper -- didn't want to see things another way once he made his mind up
• Had poor relationship with his mom, but good relationship with his dad, step mom, and family
• Refused to admit the truth about his female friend with whom he had a sexual attraction to -- that that's who he wanted to date
• Ostrich: stuck head in sand and closed off when hit a speed bump -- then turned it around on me!
• Pushed for sex
• Bad at sex.
• Emotionally unavailable and closed off
• Work was all-encompassing with his mind and emotions -- too much drama!
• Used me for rides?

Whoa.

I just learned a whole lot.

Sooo. The common negative denominators? Not college educated/no direction in life, didn't attend church/believe in God, poor family relationships, Ostriches, cheap-scapes, selfish (used me for rides, getting back at ex's, etc), didn't respect me/my opinions.

New requirements:

• Must have a direction and plan for life.  Preferably college educated.
• Attend church regularly before meeting me.  Has faith in God.
• Positive relationships with most (preferably all) family members
• Faces and tackles problems
• Doesn't mind or make a big deal of paying for things.
• Steady job
• Believes that dating is a verb
• Doesn't use me
• Emotionally available -- no recent ex's, no recent disciplines at work or with the law, no big changes coming up (moving, career change, etc)
• No issues -- no more project boys!!
• Respectful of me and my opinions -- doesn't shut me down for what I think.  Doesn't call or make me feel stupid.
• Patient, kind, and understanding
• Good listener
• Likes to laugh
• Smart with his life choices -- no excessive alcohol, no drugs, good financially
• Prefers a simpler way of living -- just no excessiveness.  Brands, lifestyles, consumption, etc.
• Is handy -- with cars, around the house
• Laid back -- no metro boys!!
• Tall, broad shoulders, nice butt, nice hands/forearms, easy smile
• Has respect for himself to treat his body well -- good diet and exercise (not a problem if there's some flab, just nothing excessive)
• Doesn't want to rush to sex --- must be more to the relationship and willing to wait for sex.

Yeah.  We'll see if I ever find a man who meets all of these criteria...